This is honestly killing me. His words are killing me. Why can't he just give up? Why did he have to like me in the first place? All I do now is think about what I should do and I don't know what I should do. I want to run away and just not face or think about anything. But even if I run away now what about later? What about the future? I really shouldn't be dragging this on. If I do I'll only be hurting everyone. What should I do? What shouldn't I do? I just got back from a short walk. I walked to the nearby pond. I just sat there for the longest time staring at the pond watching the waves go by and feeling the wind. It felt good. It was quiet there and peaceful too. I don't have to worry about anything. But now I'm back. It's like the only solution to all the problems in my life is running away. I just can't find the courage to face anything. I rather avoid but exactly how long can I avoid for? It's all going to come back to me. What to do? Maybe it's not even my stomach that's hurting, maybe it's my heart...

I need time. A lot of time. I need all the time in the world atm. Maybe I'm just over thinking this and my lack of sleep. I've been sleeping 5-6 hours the past week and a half. Waking up early to do things. But the past two days I only woke up because I just can't fall back asleep.

Back from a nice morning jog with my sister

I think we only actually jogged for like 6 minutes or maybe even less HAHA one day I will jog to McDonald's without stopping. I will. I still have so much to do this summer! Like read two books and learn Kiss the Rain.


I keep telling him not to wait for me. I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way. I honestly don't know. I don't want him to wait for me. I want him to find someone better. But he keeps telling me that I'm worth the wait. I don't think I am. I'm seriously not worth the wait. If only he would understand that. Sometimes it's just so hard convincing him. He shouldn't wait though if anything. Why can't he understand that? -_-" He should find someone that makes him happy. I wish I can give him a direct answer like yes or no but I'm so unsure about this. I feel so bad that I keep doubting everything he says. Maybe this seems too real to be true and that it's happening to me. Maybe the only person that I'm doubting is myself. I keep second guessing everything and having second thoughts. I highly doubt that he even likes me that much. I don't see what he sees in me. He keeps telling me that I'm amazing but there's really nothing amazing about me. All of do basically is sit in front of my computer and watch City Hunter ( LEE MIN HO <3)  But why am I so affected by everything he said to me the past two days. I don't know. Maybe some things are better left unknown. But I'm seriously not worth the wait and I'm not going to give up convincing him. I want him to know that there ARE better things outside this world. Outside of Winnipeg. He just needs to see it.