I need to get out of my shell that I have always been so safe about

THE WAY HE WALKS

OMG!!! WAAAAAH I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE

why i started blogging

When I still had time to watch tv I watched this drama called Heart of Greed. In the drama, a character has a crush of her fellow collogue. He died in an car accident. She then begins a blog and each blog post begins with "Days without [name] day 1". Her secret admirer tumbles across her blog and ever since then he reads about it and he establishes a nickname that he uses to comment on her blog. Every time she encounters something that stresses her in her life she would blog about it and he would comment to help her out. His comments are supportive, heart warming, and helpful. Like any typical drama she finds out who that anonymous person is.

I started to blog because I guess a part of me back then wanted that anonymous person.... to give me support in that way. To have that someone to guide me through. That guardian angel.

Drama is different from reality.

baby's bunny

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(v   v)
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I wish I could make him happy again & make him feel special like he once felt because he is special to me... Why ... Why can't things just work out for me... I feel so broken right now...

I love you

I love you more than anything in this world. I mean it when I say it. I love you each and ever day. I love you more today than I did yesterday. So what if we argue? What matters to me is that we are still together in the end. I look forward towards a blissful future with you. From the day I vow and exchange rings with you to our honeymoon until the day one of us dies, I will love you not to the end but forever. Even if I'm gone my heart is forever with you. Keep it and store it with your heart. My heart is yours. As long as you want my heart.

You're cute when you sleep...

I dislike the traits I processed right now. I'm so spoiled... I want to change for the better. I want to change not just for myself but for my family, friends, for him and for us.

I want us

head hurts, stomach hurts and I'm still eating.... LIKE A BOSS. I don't care any more... I rather be in the ER than in school tomorrow if anything...  Physics test, psy notes and rant and they are all just sitting on my table... no sleep tonight plus heart break and headache? this is a night that I'm looking forward too

Chicago in less than an hour!!!!

OMG I cannot begin to tell the anxiety that I'm feeling right now. This is the first time ever in my life to be so far away from home. This is also the first time ever that I'm going on a school trip and will probably be my last one too. How dearly I will miss my family, calling my grandma every night, and home made rice. <3 This is also the first time ever that I'm not visiting my grandparents this coming weekend. I hope everything goes well when I have departed and I in turn hope that everything goes well on this trip to Chicago. Peace out Winnipeg!

A romantic reminiscence

Two days ago ...


Sunday, April 15th

Today wasn’t the greatest of the weather. It’s chilly along with a gust wind.

I woke up on this gloomy morning but my heart was full of eagerness and excitement. I’m going on a lunch date with him and then after we’re going to go to Wal-Mart and look for a blankie for Chicago on Wednesday!!!!

I woke up somewhat early and so I attempt some physics homework. That didn’t go well. He came right on time :D and together we went out for dim sum. We went to kum koon because the secret place wasn’t open. We went to the machine thingys to get a parking ticket but the thing didn’t seem to work. He figured it out after :DD After dim sum, he surprised me. He took me to the forks and I thought we were going to buy candy. BUT there was a tiny carnival there. HEHE He brought tickets and together we went on the Ferris wheel.  HEHE It was so freezing at the top yet so romantic. We took pictures at the top with his arms around me. It was so surprised and heart felt.

Everything kind of went downhill when he notices that he has dropped his IPod somewhere… I was also greatly saddened by it. We retraced our steps but basically it was like looking for a needle in the ocean. For some reason, I believe that we would find it. I told my parents and they said it’s impossible to find, even he thought it was impossible. After messaging the IPod for a good part of the night and woke up with no replies from it, a part of me kind of gave up too but for some reason I still held onto that little glimmer of hope.After school I go home and I jumped up because there it was, right in front of my eyes was the message from the person that found it. I was so happy that I even called him. Sometimes you just got to believe.

Every time I see the fishes in his car (the ones we won at the carnival) it will forever remind me of this day. 

debating if I should drop English. It's not that I mind the amount of work and effort that comes with it but the little things that I notice... They tend it to make it hard for me, the stab that I get... is unavoidable..

Silence is the best for me

Countless times, many has asked me about me and my current relationship and every single time I usually don't reply or change the topic. I feel like they don't need to know because it's between him and I. Yet the only time I choose to rant he sees it. How ironic is that? Many times I choose to remain silent even when I read about you talking to your bestfriend about us. How proudly you said "not once". I know more than you think I know... Yet I choose to remind silent knowing that you talk behind my back. But what about you? You go though my private messages? I lend you my Ipod because I trust you.. How can you not respect my privacy? I'm not mad at that... I'm more hurt because I know you did that too....

tummy hurts :(

I feel so pathetic...

To do list for Chicago

• delete some photos from Ipod
• pack a comb and hair ties 
• lotion and hand sanitizer 
• tooth brush cup
• camera
• face wash cloth
• charger
• head phones
• English Novel

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH

BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD BRAIN DEAD 

I can't focus on my modest proposal :( I keep thinking when he's going to come back... and I check my Ipod every 10 minutes... :( #SADPANDA :'(

Couplets I wrote for English

You look absolutely stunning in your wedding gown.
That’s because I got it from the lost and found.

Not only are you beautiful, caring , and with a smart mind to think,
But do you wash your clothes? Because you stink.

Babe, you have the most beautiful eyes,
But only when you’re hidden and in disguise.

My cupcake, my muffin, my sweetheart,
Having dinner with you makes me want to fart. 

A far away goal; a far away dream

The dreams that I want to get to in life, will I ever really get to it? And … How will I feel when I do?

I need my dream career to get my dream wedding and my dream wedding to get my dream house so I can spend my life there with my love one. 

My dream house:
I became interested in housing and interior design when my cousin first came here from Venezuela. They were looking for houses and I went with them to many of them and that’s how I became interested. The more houses I went to the more ideas I got/want for my own future house. For the bedroom I want a big bed with curtains and a walk in closet. I also want one of those built in couches near the window; a great place for reading. For my kitchen I just want an island. I dream of a house with two floors with the garage connecting to the house. But most importantly I want my love one to be there. 

My dream wedding:
I want to have my future wedding at Shangri La, a five star hotel, somewhere in Canada. I became interested of wanting my future wedding to be there because I saw it on a commercial once. The background music was a piano piece entitled Canon. Everything about it catches my eye. Whether if it’s the decorations or food, all just seem so perfect to me, especially the photography. I remember in the background they had a running foundation. I also like the idea that it can be outside. I want to be with nature like that beautiful scenery when I sign the law documents and say “I do” and then kiss my husband. I want to throw the bouquet of flowers so someone can catch. After the day time part, the evening meal I want to have it at a Chinese restaurant and wear a Chinese Qui Pao. This is somewhat similar to my cousin’s wedding except instead of Shangri La his was at Assiniboine Park. 

My dream Wedding Dress:
I want to it be white and long and poofy. With simple designs like a flower or a light detailed pattern of some sort. I want one by Vera Wang but the designer is really minor if anything.   

All I need now is a dream career to make these come true… I don’t know I mean they all seem quite possible to achieve except maybe the wedding and wedding dress one. Like what if no one wants to marry me anymore by then. LOL… Yet maybe it’s a little too early to dream right now. I should wait until bed time. 

“Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.” Pamela Vaull Starr

The sunshine makes me happy ^_^

I miss you Jeff... <3 I love you so much.

I miss you...

An inspired quote for the night:

"If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears" - Glenn Clark

Nicholas Teo- Simple Love 張棟樑 -其实幸福很简单

晚風吹　笛聲有多美　難得時間忽然變得好輕微
你說著　是三月的滋味　桂花香正隨著夜色飛

很在乎　月光多醒目　忘記有誰會在燈火闌珊處
千百回　用盡力氣去追　原來你早已用愛將我包圍

以為最終幸福是像結局般的遙遠　卻在不經意之間　它早已如此絢爛

其實幸福很簡單　就像你在我身邊
靜靜看著你的臉　也許了個心願　溫暖留在我心間

其實幸福很簡單　平安快樂到永遠
輕輕靠著你的肩　感受著溫暖　不需要任何諾言

很在乎　月光多醒目　忘記有誰會在燈火闌珊處
千百回　用盡力氣去追　原來你早已用愛將我包圍

以為最終幸福是像結局般的遙遠　卻在不經意之間　它早已如此絢爛
轉載來自 

其實幸福很簡單　就像你在我身邊
靜靜看著你的臉　也許了個心願　溫暖留在我心間

其實幸福很簡單　平安快樂到永遠
輕輕靠著你的肩　感受著溫暖　不需要任何諾言

知足是快樂也是最平凡　每一刻都有你值得去揮霍
我不要你承諾你的所有　只要我們都記得同一個幸福片段

其實幸福很簡單　就像你在我身邊
靜靜看著你的臉　許了個心願　溫暖留在我心間

其實幸福很簡單　平安快樂到永遠
輕輕靠著你的肩　感受著溫暖
不需要任何諾言　其實幸福就是這麼的簡單

A short 40 minutes with him <3 but I enjoyed every second of it 

林峰 – 愛不夠

收藏在眼眸　常徘徊左右　愛猜到沒有　
愉快玩笑後　能全然退後　你開心就夠

這種感覺太親厚　講一千句也不夠　
假使講了你聽到後　或會走　
這種戀愛太罕有　不須真正擁有　
成全　衷心祝福然後　就放手

放手　放開所有　彼此更自由　
放手　其實我絕非愛得不夠　
放手　豁出所有　還有這個好友　
已經　已經足夠

遙遠是宇宙　靜靜在背後　去看守就夠　

這種感覺太親厚　講一千句也不夠　
即使一剎有過衝動　挽你手　
這種戀愛太罕有　不須真正擁有　
成全　多捨不得仍然　是放手

放手　放開所有　彼此更自由　
放手　其實我絕非愛得不夠　
放手　豁出所有　還有這個好友　
已經　已經足夠　

放手　我的牽掛　找不到盡頭　
放手　期望你幸福甚麼都有
也許　愛很深厚　然而我早看得透　
放手　至可擁有

This song relates to how I feel right now... "let go, let go of everything. You will still have a friend and that is enough" 

When I get into university I swear I'm going to get a minor in English just because I fricken suck at it. Like yeah. And same with Chemistry. I'm just gonna take it for my faulty. BUT YEAH ENGLISH. OMFG.  

TO go list:

• Tempe Canal
• Papago Park
• Monterey Pier
• Woodward Park
• Giant Sequoia National Park

Three weeks with my brother- Nicholas Sparks & Micah Sparks

I recently finished this excellent memoir by Nicholas Sparks and Micah Sparks. At the beginning the book was kind of annoying for me to read because he talks about travelling to all these places whose name I cannot pronounce. But as I continue to read it, it just gets better and better and better. I absolutely love this memoir. Many parts made me teary. Sparks went through so many challenges and family loses throughout his entire life. It must suck one another the other. Every time he experiences something joyful in his life, a terrible event happens next. I mean if I were in that situation I wouldn’t know how to react. It must suck. As I read this book I realized that this will eventually happen to me as well. One day I will have a family of my own and leave behind the family I grew up with.  It kind of stings doesn’t it? I will have double responsibilities and expectations from both side and sometimes it does get hard to manage.

Some quotes from the memoir that I really find inspiring:

“I’d given it my best shot, but it wasn’t meant to be. And if I had to do it all over-and fail to reach my dream again-I would. When you chase a dream, you learn about yourself. You learn about the possibilities and limitations, and the value of hard work and persistence.”

“Dreams are always crushing when they don’t come true. But it’s the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You’re always close enough to hold, and it’s enough to break your heart.”

“It’s your life. No one ever promised that life would be fair. What you want and what you get are usually two entirely different things.” 

We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesn’t diminish its value, because we are left with memories that we treasure to the rest of our lives.

Unknown

HAPPY ADVANCED B-DAY SIS!

FINALLY! I can finally give the gifts to sis!! they've been in my closest for like the longest time...

Went to our secret hiding place with Jeff. It was so creepy and windy like you can hear the wind blowing the bottles around. CREEPY. I love him so much :') I always smile when I see him. He always give me a warmness that fills up my entire heart and I have never felt that with anyone else before. He's so silly and so cute.. <3

Went to sushi cushi after to meet up with Daniel and Sis! We ordered the dynamite platter? (forgot what its call) and we couldn't finish it LOL They all came over to our house after and built the puzzle that baby brought her :')

GOT MY GRAD DRESS #happypanada

I like it more than the previous one that I wanted to buy :] I'm glad that I decided to wait and thank you mom. I also got shoes too :D Made my day :D One out of three goals completed being I go on the school trip to CHICAGO!!! I finally feel the excitement now :')

Today was also the last day volunteering for the circus exhibit. It was bittersweet but mostly sweet... I will miss working with the staff though. Most of them were friendly and very nice! I look forward to working with them in the science gallery if I decide to go there next.

NTS return photo albums to grandparents

I'm so full right now I want to barf....

My boyfriend is too cute...

doesn't even fit into our dinner bowls... mom is so silly ^_^

MY ICE CREAM LOVE- April 3

Smile ^_^ the sun is so bright this morning :) there should always be a reason to be happy for.

Despite the painful cuts that I'm feeling within my heart right now ...

But I will be fine eventually

Ignore the things the hurt you ^_^

Take a deep breath. And live life each day one tiny step at a time.

And stop waiting for him Carmen... He's not going to text you good morning or anything. He never does... A fact that I can't still fully accept yet

breakfast ^_^

silliness

Happy two months... I love you my cheesecake. I love you so much....