I don't want to make the same mistake three times in a row.

I have really bad timing. Its either that I’m too early or late or both. I never get the right timing. Now thinking back to it, I really wish that at that very moment, he asked me who I like, I wish I said him instead of some guy from Korea. That’s my first mistake. My second mistake is seriously bad timing. Me and this guy from my biology class, we talked and it was fun and interesting. He asked me many times to work on our bio homework together and offered to give me rides to places but every time I rejected him. He asked me to go to a party with him but I said I had plans with sister. It was actually really cool talking to him. But I gradually stopped talking to him and started making excuses when my friend told me that she likes him. It felt weird and not right. I also started avoiding him but he would still message me on msn. I would say “LOL” but he replies back to that! Like really… But I think he got my cue later on and he stopped talking to me as well. I felt bad after and wanted to say sorry and hope to fix it but it was kind of late. I guess the other reason he stopped talking to me was because he found someone else.

I honestly don’t want to make the same three mistakes in a row by not being honest with my feelings. Maybe that’s what got me to confess to him. But now I’m starting to think that maybe confessing to him was a mistake too. He only thinks of us as friends. I was honest this time. But I rather regret confessing and being honest with myself this time than making something up.

If I was honest back then, what would my life be like right now? I’ll never get to know the answer now. ….. And that’s a regret.

I guess I only exist when you need someone to talk to ...
this kinda hurts.

What can I do? The least I could do is not bother you. I really try but sometimes I just want to give up. But to be honest, I really want to give this a shot even if it fails. He only sees us as being close friends. I bet once this semester is over, we're not even going to be close friends or even talk. I don't know what to do anymore. Better question, what can I do?

I guess I'll sleep now. No point in staying up when you're not talking to me.

):

It starts like this

Lately, I’ve been talking to my friend Mark. He’s been feeling really down and I hate seeing him like this. ): I wish I could help him but I don’t know what to say to make him feel better. But I’m glad he talks to me about it even though I’m no help. Last night he brought something up and it was about us. It all goes back to grade 10 first semester. He sat beside me in our drafting class. As time went by we talked, not a lot but we talked. I eventually got his msn from his friend. I thought that he was a very cool guy with the Asian hair and such. After class I would walk him to gym class and I went to science. I also went with him to his geography class. After school sometimes he waits for me at my locker or the other way around because our lockers were in the same hallway. I liked him for a bit. I remember him asking me who I like and I randomly said that the guy I like is in Korea. WOW I wish I said it back then because apparently, he was kind of interested. *face palm. I asked him this “if I told you back then, do you think we would have had a chance” and he said “possibly”. Makes me feel kind of regret for not telling him. I wonder what we would be now. LOL but yeah, we’d probably still be friends no offense.

Moral of the story: take risks. It's better to know the answer than to leave the answer forever unknown. Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.

My day was pretty cool and interesting LOL went and watch Insidious with Jessica, Allanna, Aaron and Andrew. LOL! The ending of the movie pisses me off -_- IT SHOULD BE A HAPPY ENDING ): Anyhow, ending was disappointing but the movie is actually pretty ok! I liked it :D And then we went to Zellers and did some mischief. Good day I must say, We brought two poutine and we all shared LOL! WE also brought bubble tea! TARO!!

Thinking about you

It hurts to know that after physics is over everything is going to end. Because of you, I got the chance to do things that I never would have thought of doing so. Like giving a guy a kiss on the cheek and having honest confessions. I often lie to myself because it helps me avoid the real truth. I felt so happy because of you. I can never forget the look you gave me after that physics class. The day that you kissed me on the cheek. I can never forget how I felt. That feeling is hard to describe but it was very blissful. I can never forget the day when you finished your chemistry lab early and you went to my desk and looked through my binder. I can never forget the first time you held my hand and the first hug you gave me. I can't forget. I still remember the way you dressed at the open house. I still remember the first time I called you and the first time we Skype. I still remember that one time you sang to me. I remember everything you said to me. All those sweet messages and late night conversations. I still remember the first time you talked to me and the first time you inbox me. It was on my birthday. Every time I go back and read those messages I would always smile. Thinking back to the very first day when we don't even talk in physics and how much has changed since then. Life is so weird sometimes. I never thought that sitting beside you would lead me to all this. I don't regret because I was happy because of you. You probably don't know that. Sometimes I wonder if you still read my blog. :P

Even after this semester is over and we do drift, I'm still happy that all of this has happened. 2011 has been so surprising to me so far. Meeting you up until this very moment was something I never expected to happen. Someone like you would give a girl like me all these wonderful memories makes me feel very happy. I'm glad that I met you. You're very special to me.

something good always comes with something bad

I feel so stressed right now. It seems like that its getting worst every week. I can't keep up with this much longer. I honestly can't.

I'm like failing everything that I'm doing in English right now. Physics is giving me a pain because I am so lost. Chemistry is just.. yea. BUT English.. OMFG FUCK!! Like I have other courses too. I can't just give all my time and effort into there.  ommmmg. I feel so bad right now. Like frick!! I have a chemistry quiz tomorrow, physics test and AHHHHHH!! two paragraphs due tomorrow for English! CAN I LIKE LEAVE! FRICK DAD couldn't start the car this morning. EVERYTHING is just crashing down on me right now. I feel like giving up but giving up is so hard because I want to continue.

It's almost May. I'm scared. I scared that after all this is over, there's going to be a distance between us. I mean there always was but two months not seeing him just makes me kind of unwell. I'm really scared actually. To move on. He means something to me. He's special. I still think that he's amazing even though he's a snob sometimes. But I seriously feel like I mean nothing to him at all. Like nothing. It just kinda hurts. He probably doesn't even care about me. I've always wonder what I mean to him, if I mean anything at all. I'm just wondering, the way he acts towards me, is he like that to everyone else too ?

Because it seems like it....................................

Didn’t get to blog the past few days.

Although past few days were stressful and still is… It was a great. Yesterday was great but today was ever greater!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Yesterday hehehehhehe I feel like an idiot right now! :D SOO HAOOOPPPPYYYYY WeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Anyways: Yesterday HAHAHAHAH every time I think about it I smile like yeaaa! :D So we played a game and he won and he gets a prize and he wanted me to give him a kiss on the cheek. SO like yeaa!! HAHAHAHAHAH YEEEEE !!!!!!!!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD But like today OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG HAHAAHHAAHAHAH yea today, he gave ME one after class. I was like :O because I honestly wasn’t expecting that. I was like ♥ Why does he have to be so cute? I’m like OMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Sigh* (: He always surprises me. GOOD DAAAY!

Happy Easter Everyone

I still want an easter funny!!!! DDD:

What a boring day for me! All I did was eat. Woke up at 12 and eat. EAT EAT EAT. Jheeez I'm gonna gain another pound DD: FMLL

Note to self: eat less...

Painfully, I am finally done my three paragraphs for Frankenstein. OMG I am going to fail English, no joke!!! WEEEEEH!! Jheez I have like nothing to blog about today... WOWOWOWOWOW

Well me and friends are planning to do something on the 29th.. ! I am excited for that :D

my wonderful jar of stars ((:

INSPIRATION WHERE ARE YOU?

I am like dying right now because of ENGLISH!!! I'm so sad. I never got a mark below 70% in English. WOW I GUESS THERE IS A FIRST FOR EVERYTHING -__-" FRICK!

VERY stressful day today! I'm not getting anywhere in this paragraph. I wanna like run away right now and be excused for the rest of my life. NO JOKE. The only part special about today was going to Starbucks and zellers with my sister. WE brought wonder bread.

Sigh* I'm so sad right now ):

Sigh* why I am so boring to talk to sometimes ): I really want to talk to him but I am running out of things to say. I'm so sad... WOW FRICK efffff What to do...  Think carmen think!!! My mind is not working today :/

Anyways he sent me a really cute link
http://www.whoisthecutest.com/
I was like ♥  (((: SO cute Sigh* :D

TODAY

It was a good and bad day today. Let’s start off with good.


Physics was good like always thanks to him! He always makes my day. I feel so lucky to have him with me. Even if he is not always with me at school I still feel happy just seeing him around. I really wish I can spend more time with him. I really like being with him. Being with him just feels so warm. I like that feeling. In physics today he said he was hot so I was like “why are you so hot” and I guess he kind of took it the wrong way LOL I love his random comments and jokes. It’s so lame :P What I also liked about today was chilling at Trisha’s place. It was fun! We talked, played cards, watch t.v and play mah-jong. (y) We also took pictures! LOL I love group photos. Good memories. I love hanging out with them. They never fail to surprise me.

Bad things about today:

Our English “quiz” for Frankenstein turned into a test. Although it said quiz at the front I took it as a test because like WTH there were short and long answers to it!!! I’m failing English like hard core and I’m not even joking... I bet my mark went down at least 10% because of that midterm I wrote like two weeks ago ): SO SAD AND what a great way to end the day but getting such a low mark on my chemistry quiz... I seriously hate my afternoons. And also I made something for him and I wanted to give it to him after class BUT NO he had to leave so quickly ): I was sad.

oh yea I didn't blog last night because I had to study for my "cumulative quiz" that didn't happen today but yea I shall talk about that later.

My day started off very shitty. I had a little argument with dad. I went to school and I slipped at the stairs. IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING because I also swore... OUT LOUD AT SCHOOL! That is so not me! D:

I thought that my physics teacher wasn’t going to be in the classroom today because he had to attend a conference. But yea, he was somewhat there. He was going in and out of the classroom which was quite distracting to work. WHATEVER about the work LOL Orville (he) made my entire day. ♥Too bad I was tired. We talked and I slept a bit. We didn’t do much but just being beside him makes me feel really really happy. He has such pretty eyes. What really made my day was that after physics class (when teacher wasn't there) he gave me two hugs. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I was like ♥ (:

& gym class was torture! It’s probably because I didn’t exercise for such a long time! Evan was on my team for flicker ball? (I know, it’s a weird game name)

MUST WATCH DRAMA LIST OF APRIL

• Love Buffet
• Momo Love
• Sunny Happiness
• My Princess
• Secret Garden
• Dream High
• You're Beautiful
• Gloomy Salad Days
• Summer's Desire
• Sunshine Angel

I'm really busy this summer :P

LI Yifeng 李易峰 - 我曾爱过的女孩

cool song. it has a catchy chorus (y)

I have a very short attention span.

Which is bad.

I can't concentrate right now!! This physics question is pissing me off!! NO JOKE! I'm like dying in physics right now. I am lost once again. I need to find my way back. At least I'm not doing too badly in chemistry.

Pretty interesting day today. I FINALY KNOW WHO SHE IS! YES! After all that hard work! Physics is always interesting like usual. Thanks to him. (: KAYYY! I still can't believe that I gave him my go card! MY PICTURE IS LIKE EWWWWWWWW! Even I can't look at it!!!! EWWWWWWWW :/ I left him a sticky note on his locker but what happened to it???? DD:  -___-"

Our English presentation wasn't too bad. LOL I actually think we did okay ((: YAY happy face. I'm just glad to have it over with.

Boring day today LOL

In physics class we watched a video which about electricity stuff which I thought was pretty dope! LOL! Feels the same in physics between him and I. I actually do feel better. I’m not bothered anymore. But there is still one thing but after tomorrow this knot is going to be untied completely.

In gym class we finish watching Remember the Titans. OMG the ending was so SAD! Thinking back to it I remember at the very beginning of the movie they were at a cemetery! OMMG!! It was foreshadowing something. I really enjoyed the movie. We can learn lots from it and it’s quite meaningful in a way. I just dislike the assignment we have to do for it! Homework for gym is weird in general. In chem class today we did examples. I was like so hungry in that class because me and Mayanne skipped our lunch hour to finish up our English project. We felt bad because our friends were helping us and they missed their lunch hour too! D: I love my friends!

My day yesterday and today:


I didn't blog last night because well, I wasn't really in the mood to do so after what happened. But the morning was pretty great yesterday. We did our story presentations and I actually did OK to my surprise. I plan to make a recording of it maybe. My past presentations were fails. Well to me it was. I had a lot to say but when I'm up there in front of a lot of people I tend to blank out :/ That's why it always ends up not going too well. I hope my presentation on Tuesday for English goes well. I kinda want to skip physics on tomorrow :/ Today, right now, I'm doing my physics homework. Doing my physics homework makes me depressed because I keep thinking back to the test we did last week. NOW THAT WAS A FAIL! NO JOKE D:


So last night, I asked him how he thinks about me and this is what he said
"theres time when you think life is beautiful and then theres times when you hate living i think... you have a weak mentality you let things get to you easily. i think you have the potential to be really smart but you get lazy sometimes you can get really mad at people but you also forgive alot."


And I cannot disagree with him because it's true......

So I told him directly last night. And I kind of got rejected. Kay well he said he’s not ready or something. But I’m glad in a way that I did it. I’d rather regret telling him than not telling him at all. If I never told him I would never know what the answer may be. Although he didn’t exactly give me the answer I wanted but I expected it in a way so I wasn’t surprised. I don’t know what gave me the courage to say it last night. I guess there is a first time for everything.

I’m starting to think that everything he said to me before was fake.

Last night he finished his story about him and Michelle. They broke up. He brought her flowers during the last week of school before Christmas break. She was really happy. Even though they ended but he still liked her for the following 10 months. Wow this hurts. Now that I think back to it everything he said to me links to her in a way. Like when he asked me to buy him flowers. I’m so stupid. I really am. No matter how much effort I put into it, it will never replace the spot he has for her inside his heart.

Although the knot inside me is gone but I had to cut it in order to pull it apart. It hurts. It hurts so much. Everything up until this point was just a dream. But how can I just move on like that? I want to avoid him for the rest of the semester and just let everything between us die away. I want everything back to how it was at the very beginning of this semester. Every time I saw him reminds me of all the tender moments we had. It makes me smile but at the same time it hurts. I think it’s really time to wake up from this dream. I woke up crying this morning which was kind of dumb. But after I cry I tend to feel better. Maybe that's why I always cry. It did hurt last night. I can’t say that I’m okay because I’m not but I know I will be. I just need sometime. A lot of time actually.

wow. having friends that don't even trust you really really hurts.

Well yeah, I don't want to bring up the entire story again because it really pisses me off. WE believed her and she doesn't believe us. No trust. She thinks that we are doing this because of what she did to me. She kept saying me and Andrew. Yes it bothers me because I don't like him. But what hurts me the most is that she thinks we are doing this to get back at her. Like seriously? WOW Why does life have to be like this? Why can't we all just get along. I hate this.

I'm in such a bad mood right now. So pissed. Thanks for ruining my day. I don't appreciate it.

What a relaxing and good day!! I wish every day of my life can be like this. But minus the chemistry quiz that we did today. I think I failed. I know I should have studied.

Spare this morning was fun with Mayanne and Daniel! Daniel is such a good friend!! He was helping us with our English project. We didn’t want to get our hands dirty so he did the pastel part for us!! We owe him so much LOL! He’s cool. In English class we started watching Macbeth the movie. It was somewhat interesting. No offense, but Macbeth was way much older than I thought he would be. I also got my chemistry test today and to my surprise, I didn’t fail. In fact I almost got 80%. AS IF! I seriously thought I failed. Sometimes my test marks really surprises me. My mark went up in chemistry ((: YAY claps*

SO much for confessing today -_- Failed to the extreme. He reminded me that I had something to tell him. I was like “ OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG” I would have told him today if there was time. The sub we had for physics today, he seriously loves to talk. He talked for the entire class. He went on and on and on and on and on. I talked to him the entire class. I love being so close to him. It feels so warm and safe, like everything in this world is okay. I love his smile and his laugh. I love his jokes. He’s such a cool guy. I just wish that I can spend more time with him. I really have something to tell him. But I want to find a good time just like he wants to find the right timing. Every time he holds my hands and sends me sweet messages, it really melts my heart. I smile so stupidly at the computer screen. I feel so loved and happy. Good day. (:

So we’re in the month of April already and it’s snowing outside? Weird.

My friends just called me like four times in a row LOL at first they hung up on me!! I was like ehhhh HAHAH wow so random!

Snow in April! Got to love the weather in Winnipeg (y)

Should I confess to him? Because really, I've got nothing to lose. If you want me to only think of him as a friend, sorry I can't do it. I'd rather regret telling him then not telling him at all. I'm afraid of rejection but I'm more afraid of regret. I can't keep up with this anymore. If I tell him and the answer is not what I want, fine. I understand. I can't force someone to like me back. I honestly don't know when and how his last relationship ended, so I get it if he doesn't want to be in a relationship yet. Perhaps he still likes her. I don't know. All I know is that this is really getting to me. Even if I get rejected it can't be worse than this. At least I have an answer and can move on from there. It's like I have this knot inside my heart that can't seem to untie itself.

Physics test was horrible! I woke up at 6:30 am to study for it too and this is what I get? I guess this goes to show that effort doesn’t always pay off. -_- Gym class is so relaxing! We watched a movie today called remember the titans. It was pretty funny actually! I wish we can finish it next class. I don’t like watching just the beginning and middle parts and not finishing it. That’s not me. But yea, it’s only a movie. But I would love to see how it’s going to end.

If I have a chance tomorrow, I will tell him. Maybe telling him is the only way to untie the knot. I’m also afraid to tell him that I like him because I might lose everything I have with him right now. It might even ruin our friendship. But to be honest I like him way more than a friend. Let’s see how tomorrow goes.

FOCUS FOCUS &&& FOCUS

ALL I want to do right now is focus on my physics test and my physics studying! But I don't know why but I find studying for this subject is really hard. It's sort of like math. Kay what am I saying? Physics is math in general but with more terminology. What am I doing here? I should go study, achieve my careers, live life and move on. Time always goes forward and not backwards and so is life. I will not look back. I will only remember the happy memories and not the sad ones. I will not be held back by my past or some "curse". It was stupid of me to think that. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe perhaps we are not meant to be. I can feel that but I just won't admit it. I hate losing to fate because fate is not directly in your control. Can we really control our fate and destiny? Or is everything all planned out already and we just live it? Can we really wish someone that we like happiness when in turn you want that happiness to be with you? Can you really love someone without asking for anything return? I don't think I can do it.

sunny outside

I’m feeling so bothered right now. I know it’s stupid but I just can’t help it. I feel terrible right now. I feel like crying. I feel sadness. I swear, it seems like my life is cursed or something. When I’m happy something will always happen and destroy it. It hurts so much. I can’t even describe that feeling. All I know is that it feels bad. I don’t even want to talk about it.

So I have a physics test tomorrow. Once again I feel so unready. I don’t think I’m going to get lucky this time. Luck is never defined with me.

So do you rid of this feeling? UGGGGGGGH!!!!!! Feeling so stressed and I DON’T know what to do!! CAN I PLEASE BE EXCUSED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE??? I don’t want to face any of this anymore!!!!! OMMMG Am I that obvious? Janelle can tell that I was bothered. Man, guess I’m not all that good at hiding my feelings. I think I need to practice at that. But sometimes, it’s just so hard having to put on a fake smile so people that care about you aren’t worried about you. You have to force yourself to smile when all you want to do is go into your bed, cry and then sleep. I swear this is honestly the last time that I’m ever going to feel bothered because of him. I give up. Effort doesn’t always pay off. I like him but I can’t force him to like me. If it was meant to be then it’s meant to be. What I do anyways? Go tell him how I feel? Like he even cares. He’s nice. But I honestly cannot go on with this anymore. Only 3 more months of school left. I can go through with this. I can! Sometimes forgetting is the only way to move on.

TYpical Tuesday.

Physics was pretty boring today! All we did was watch a video and take notes about it. LAME! At least he was there with me (: Had gym class today and we watched some video. I sometimes find gym very interesting. To be honest, lol I'd rather have a spare! He had to do his chemistry test today. I hope he did well on it. I actually like this chemistry unit LOL And in English class today, me and mayanne finally got somewhere in our project. YAY so proud lol!

I'm also really proud today because I finished all my chemistry homework and physics!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY

I'm talking to my friend mark and it seems like he is having trouble. I really hope things will work out for him and that he can fix his friendship with Aaron.

I don't like it when my Friends don't trust me. That's all I have to say.

My day was alright. I'm glad that he's well and back in school today (: I'm not alone in physics anymore!!! LOOOL sometimes it gets so loney ): but anyhow, I'm just glad that he's well. Chemistry was pretty interesting today. I actually like what we're doing right now in chemistry!!! We're doing stoichiometry. I actually like converting moles and atoms and molecules!!! ITS SO FUN. I mean like, when you finally get how to do something. That feeling is unbeatable! Its so satisfying. (:

It was so nice out today! I really loved the weather!! I wanted to walk home after school LOL!

Stayed up last night talking to friends & him

I love it when my friends tell me about their life stories. I feel really special that they trust me enough to tell me all that. I really like it when my friends and I have deep conversations. I get inspired by them. Last night I had a very good conversation with them. My friend Jeff told me about his past and school and all the things that he has been through. I can trust him easily for some reason. He seems like a brother to me. I’ve always wanted a brother. But in reality I’m older than him but that doesn’t matter.

Because of some deep conversations last night, I’ve decided to go into nursing after graduation. I originally wanted to become an oncologist and I still do. I didn’t give up on that but to me that dream seems somewhat impossible. It is possible but it just seems so far and distance from me. So I think I will go into nursing. If I can’t become an oncologist, the closest that I can get is to become a nurse in that field. And to me, if I actually can get that far I will be satisfied even if I’m not an oncologist. To be honest, I don’t have the confident to directly treating people. I can’t even treat myself well but it’s something that I want to do. Is either that I don’t start or start and finish it until the end no matter how hard and difficult it may be. It’s just not like me to start something and not finish through with it. For example, my swimming lessons, I’m already so far into it so why don’t I finish it. I spent so much time into it. I really dislike it but not finishing it makes me feel uneasy because of all the effort and time that I put into it from before. But I don’t want to think about that just yet. Right now, I want to focus and make my dreams come true.

great minds think alike ;D

my sister's birthday cake
I wanted to buy the exact same one on my birthday but I didn't because of mom wanted a different one so yea!
GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!!

happy birthday sister! you're old!

Can’t believe my sister is 16 already! She is old. I remember being 16. It felt like yesterday. Time goes by so fast. I sure miss being young.

So it was just a typical Chinese school today. We talked about some Chinese holidays and such and played a game. THERE WERE PRIZES! CANDY and CHOCOLATE !!! IT was really fun LOL

I was going to treat my sister to a movie! LOL I kind of did but my grandma paid for us. WE bus to polo. We went shopping! LOL I brought a cardigan at forever 21. I love it there. ((: And then we watched Hop lol I love the movie! It’s so cute!!! LOL we were watching with little kids!!! GOOD day actually.

Honestly, my dad fucking pisses me off. Not even joking. GOSH! He wants everything like in a fast pace. Well just saying I like to take it slow! SO SHUT UP. Okay, so I just pick up the phone like 10 seconds late and he yells at me and says “why do you even have a phone for”? KAY, you know what? Keep that up and I’ll unplug that phone myself. WHAT NOW! JHEEZ! I’m already feeling bad because of that midterm. I bet he didn’t even know that I have a midterm today. YEAH sigh* I honestly hate it when people tell me what I should do or what I do be when I grow up. I really want to make my own decisions because I am the one living this life. Dear family, I don’t want to become a teacher when I grow up so stop telling me to become one because I won’t! I know I’m rude sometimes and I don’t want to be but sometimes you guys go way too far.

I don’t know why people think I’m nice and all that. Well I’m not. I’m actually a really rude person and I spaz a lot. I'm demanding and I can be a bitch. If you yell at me I WILL yell at you back. I am somewhat impatient and I tend to over think things. Sometimes I don’t even know why I even exist in this world. I’ve always wonder what happens to you after you die. Guess I won’t know until I actually die. But there are still a lot of things that I want to do. A LOT! I want to go to Australia and many different other places. I love my family and friends! I like school too (including English) even though it stresses me a lot. I feel very lucky having the chance to learn. I’m lucky in many different ways. But sometimes, luck and fate never seems to be on my side.

What a depressing day thanks to English Mid TERM! Sigh*

My day today was actually pretty boring to be honest and quite stressful too. I’m feeling so tried right now. I wish that I went to bed earlier last night but I don’t regret. I really don’t. If anything, I’d rather talk to him than sleep. At least physics class was interesting. We did a lab but our laptops didn’t work again!!! LOL for some reason its always us! But we had some very good conversations. They were asking me what my Chinese name was! LOL! :P I studied over the lunch hour and BAM I had to go write my exam :/ It was terrible. I had 5 minutes left and I didn’t even start my conclusion ): IM SO SAD! I studied tooo -___-

Pretty relaxing weekend ahead. YAYAY I'm so glad that is week is said and done with.

I think I'm losing my train of thought.

I'm feeling so stressed out right now because of that mid-term. For some other reason, I'm feeling somewhat uneasy right now. Sigh" Is it because of him? So disappearing for like three days we started talking again. So he told me what happened and I understand. But I don't understand him. This is messing my mind up. It takes a lot to understand someone but for some reason he's just so complicated. Can someone give me an answer???? This is once again bothering me. And I thought I was over it. I guess not. No offense, but he's such a JERK sometimes.

Let’s begin with yesterday. My day yesterday was pretty amazing actually! I had a great time at the Royal Career Symposium. We got free pens!!! The three sessions that we went to were nursing, interior design and medicine. I wanted to go into medicine before but after what I heard yesterday, it seems impossible for me. Me and my lazy habits aren’t really getting me anywhere. Currently, I’m thinking about going into nursing. I actually got a chance at that. If I can go back in time I would try and do things differently. Yea, that was basically my day yesterday! We went to portage place after (:

My day today was pretty interesting but boring at the same time. In physics class we had to do some smoking survey. That sure killed some time. I actually wish my physics teacher would actually teach and give us some notes. Oh well! At least it’s relaxing. Unlike CHEMISTRY!!!! Speaking of CHEMISTRY the test we had today WAS HORRIBLE!! AND I REPEAT HOBBIRLE. Well, it wasn’t HORRIBLE but like it was all on like define terms and such and not so much of the math. And there was a ton of review stuff. SCREW IT!! I’m going to die tomorrow as well!! WOOT WOOOTT ENGLISH MIDTERM!!!!! FML Well, I guess I should go and study for English? But how do you study for English…

my 120% in choir LOOOOOOOOOOL

HAHAH my friend drew this in physics class.

good memories.

I will miss this class when the semester ends

120% in choir (y) :D

Wow, I haven’t talked to him for three days in a row. I’m worried about him but I don’t know what to do. Okay, better question. What can I do? It seems like he doesn’t want me being nice to him. I offer to buy him something as a get well soon gift but he told me not to waste my money. Well, I understand. What I don’t understand is him. I think I should just give up. For the past week or so, I’ve been thinking a lot. I already did everything that I can do. Today was supposed to be our “personal private time” but of course, like I said before it didn't happen. Well, a lot of things that I plan to do usually don’t happen so to be honest I’m not surprised. If it DID happen, then I’m actually surprised. There is always next time I guess, but I’m not going to be the one asking him to go with me. It’s not like I want him to ask me or anything. Like, if something was meant to happen, it will happen eventually. But I don’t know. I think I should just give up. Perhaps it’s the best decision and the only decision. It’s not like I have a chance anyways. But the thing is people think we are “together”. I honestly don’t know how to respond to that when people ask me where he is and expecting me to know. I do know but it doesn’t mean anything. I care about him just like I care about anyone else. But right now, I just want to focus in school and hope that he gets well soon.

And so, I got my report card today! It wasn’t too bad I guess. Funny, how my chemistry and English marks are the same. Not too bad in physics and WOW I am surprised that I got 120% in choir lol! I think she made a typo but it looks pretty cool on my report card! HAHA I really hope the weather is nice out tomorrow! I have a field trip tomorrow and we are going to the career symposium. I’m actually excited to go (: I mean, you get free pens yo! And to be honest, I really need a break from school. If only we don’t have the chemistry test the day we get back and a midterm on Friday. 2 more suffering days to go and then weekend!

What a sad okayish day!

Well physics class was pretty relaxing like always. I had a spare and went to the caf. Chill at the caf at lunch with swag crew! ((: Chem class was relaxing today as well. She gave us a work period because her throat hurts. AS for English class, it was the class that ruined my ENTIRE DAY! So, our Macbeth quiz turned into a Macbeth QUOTES TEST !!!! -____-" OMMMMMMG I TOTALLLY FAILED THAT TEST!!! ))): SOOO SADDD !!! WTFFFFFF Kay, I'm done.

I want to forget about you but I can't. How can I just forget someone that has given me such sweet memories. Although they were short but they made me really happy. I just think that this is not going to work. Like, I told him how I felt about him. Well kind of. Well I said " I like you more than a friend" Okay, I admit, I totally forgot what I sent him that night. It was at like 1:30 am. He was offline and plus it was over msn. I'm pretty sure it sent.. But I'm kind of glad he didn't bring it back up but at the same time I'm not. Does he not get it?? Or was it just one sided all along? I don't even know anymore. sigh" I know when I told him, the timing was bad too. Not to mention it was like two days after his surgery. But honestly, if I didn't say it back then I probably would never again have that courage to ever do that again in my life. Jheeeez, carmen! What are you even doing?

Pretty good day today although I didn't do anything but it doesn't mean that its not a great day. right?

I finished reading my book today and I also got started on my new one! (:  I went over my chemistry homework and went ahead in physics a bit.  WEEEH I can't believe that spring break is over already. Second last spring break of high school! In one of my books that I read today that was a line that I thought it was quite meaningful. The line was " Life is in many passages" After we graduate from high school it was be the start of a new passage. Which I think is pretty true. After we graduate from high school, many things will be different. We will most likely meet new people. It will be time to get serious since we are college students. No more slacking off because this time, you are actually paying to go to school. Things will be different whether you choose to go to university/college or work. For me, I want to continue in school and fulfill my studies to the best of my ability. I think I will start right now. Time to get serious.

Finishing up a movie that I'm watching right now. It's a Korean movie called Windstruck. I've been meaning to watch this since last year but never got the chance to.

I'm not looking forward towards this week

why? This is why

Monday : I have a Macbeth quiz on Acts 4 and 5
Tuesday : Nothing BUT STILL!
Wednesday: Field Trip to Career Symposium. Kinda want to go and I kinda don't
Thursday: Chemistry Test -_________-"
Friday: English Mid Term -________________________-"

It's going to be a long week.
But hopefully I get to see you.

I went to superstore today! I haven't been there since forever! :DDDD FOOOOD! :DDDD We brought a trivia game for $5.00! Well I picked it and I didn't read it carefully. Apparently all the questions are based on the 80's. Awesome, we don't know any of the answers..... -_-"

I've been reading the entire day today and I'm almost done my book. (yyy) I really want to finish tonight..

I just found out that Mandy’s grandma passed away. I don’t know what to say. I’m feeling sorry for her losing someone you love. I’ve never faced this situation before so I don’t know how to react to it. When my close friend’s mother passed away I didn’t know how to react. Now thinking back to it, I didn’t even say anything to them to help them feel better. I feel so bad. ): Ever since I was born, my parents have been very protective of us. I don’t even know how to cook! We don’t do chores expect the laundry and that’s it basically. I really don’t know what to say or do in these kinds of situations. I hope she’ll feel better soon. The Mandy I know is pretty strong. Stay strong.

Sigh" He said he would have taken me out today if he was feeling well. I don’t want to go to school next week because he might not be there. Next week is going to be a long week. I have a midterm and chemistry test. But I’m going to live everyday accordingly. I think (I hope I stick to it this time) I have found my career. I want to become a physiotherapist when I grow up. I don’t think I can become a doctor because I just can’t force myself to actually study. I know I can but will I be able to handle it? I mean like facing life and death daily? I don’t know. I don’t even know how to react to this right now. But people change. As we grow up we become stronger because of experience. We start to make decisions. We begin to realize who in this world means a lot to us. Who and what is important.

fortune cookies lie to me

Yiruma - Kiss The Rain (Full Version)

I love this song so much. I can't even explain it in words. It makes me think a lot.

Top 20 places I want to visit in my life

1.Austraila , Sydney
2.Switzerland
3.New York
4.Japan
5.Korea
6.Finland
7.London
8.Paris
9.Vancouver, Victoria
10.Toronto, Ottawa
11.Taiwan
12.Hongkong, china
13.Chicago
14.Aruba
15.Calgary
16.Alberta
17.Las Vegas
18.California
19.Los Angeles
20.San Francisco

Some quotes I came up with

IF we could look at the world at a different angle, maybe life could be different

♥ 如果我們可以從不同角度看這個世界，可能生命會不同 ♥ -

♥ Don't let yesterdays failure give up today's hope ♥ -

Even though the time we spent together was short, and now we've gone our seperate ways, But I will always remember your smile and the time we spent each day.

My life is a story and I will write the pages to it

OTHER FAVORITE QUOTES
Just Smile and There's Nothing you can't overcome- Smiling Pasta :D 

If you think you can you can- Raymond Lam (tvb drama food for life) 

To be or not to be, that is the question- shakespeare

自我介紹

♥我希望我身附家人和朋友會永远開心, 幸福, 快樂和健康. ♥
大家好
星座:水瓶座
戀愛狀況:單身
性格:思想開放
性取向:喜歡異性
吸煙習慣:從不吸煙
飲酒習慣:從不飲酒
教育程度:高中/文憑/證書
職業:學生
收入:沒有收入

日常興趣:唱歌, 行街Shopping, 睇書, 聽音樂, 上網, 電玩遊戲
喜愛的運動:羽毛球, 踏單車

NOTE :some of these pictures do not belong to me. No credit is mine, I just reblogged some of it.

Time for a change

Dear life: I think it's time for a change. I just realized that I never really took the time to actually do anything in life. That's why I'm a fail. I admit I am really lazy. If I think that it is difficult I would just give up without trying. I hold myself back from people because I'm scared that I might say something that they don't like. Well, I think it's time for a change. I care too much about what others think. Its my life. I think it's time to be myself from now and on. This change is going to be for the better. I'm also going to make some changes to my blog. Like my life goals LOL :P

So yea, I just finished watching Sungkyunkwan Scandal and I loved the ending. This drama actually makes me look into life.
" If there's an easy road and a difficult road, choose the difficult one. Then, even if you may not always succeed, you won't have any regrets." -Lee Sun Joon (Sungkyunkwan Scandal )