Like sometimes I don't even understand why we webcam. Because all you show me is the top of your head or your hair. When I do my homework I always adjust it so you could see me but I guess you're right. No one said life was fair.
Thanks for always ignoring me. I appreciate it a lot. If this is my last relationship I swear to god I never want to be in a fucking relationship ever again. I don't care what my family says. I don't care if they fucking ship me some random guy from China because being in love fucking hurts. I rather just be forever alone. I never want to cry in front of him ever again.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Did I mention that I fucking hate today?
Like you said I don't reply to you so I reply back to you and my messages are just there. Fine.
I knew it wouldn't it last. I just knew that it wouldn't fucking last. I don't want to argue. I don't want to cry
Every day I try so hard to be happy but everything just crushes on me so hard each and every time.
I woke up and decided to take leadership and ownership in my life. I started off my day by clarifying the events that's happening today and those things being who's going to pick up brother after school (because I thought he did but apparently it's tomorrow) and who's going to drive me for grad retakes. All I got from them was bitching for simply just asking. When I thought school would be better I was wrong. I went to accounting early this morning but she wasn't there. She's always there in the morning but this morning she was late. I just stood there. I didn't realized how limited my time was after school. I had less than an hour to bus all the way home, shower, change, fix hair and get ready. So I just got off at the pond and ran all the way home. I was sweating only to realized that my mom got home early. When I got home she THEN told me that my uncle was going to give me a ride. Give me a break.
Will things ever get better for me? Will I ever reach that bar that I desire so much?
Because all you ever do is ignore me. So it's all right for you to leave my replies there but it''s not okay when I do. You know why I didn't ask you for a ride after school? Because I don't want you to think that I'm using you. Because I care how you feel. At times I wonder do you ever care how I feel? because it always seems like my feelings are nothing. Nothing at all. But it's okay. I started on my own and I don't find finishing on my own because in this world it only comes down to you.
Like you said I don't reply to you so I reply back to you and my messages are just there. Fine.
I knew it wouldn't it last. I just knew that it wouldn't fucking last. I don't want to argue. I don't want to cry
Every day I try so hard to be happy but everything just crushes on me so hard each and every time.
I woke up and decided to take leadership and ownership in my life. I started off my day by clarifying the events that's happening today and those things being who's going to pick up brother after school (because I thought he did but apparently it's tomorrow) and who's going to drive me for grad retakes. All I got from them was bitching for simply just asking. When I thought school would be better I was wrong. I went to accounting early this morning but she wasn't there. She's always there in the morning but this morning she was late. I just stood there. I didn't realized how limited my time was after school. I had less than an hour to bus all the way home, shower, change, fix hair and get ready. So I just got off at the pond and ran all the way home. I was sweating only to realized that my mom got home early. When I got home she THEN told me that my uncle was going to give me a ride. Give me a break.
Will things ever get better for me? Will I ever reach that bar that I desire so much?
Because all you ever do is ignore me. So it's all right for you to leave my replies there but it''s not okay when I do. You know why I didn't ask you for a ride after school? Because I don't want you to think that I'm using you. Because I care how you feel. At times I wonder do you ever care how I feel? because it always seems like my feelings are nothing. Nothing at all. But it's okay. I started on my own and I don't find finishing on my own because in this world it only comes down to you.
Everyone is busy in life right? And at times there just isn't enough time for everything and everyone. I mean I'm like that too sometimes.
In English class today Tulner was talking about his bar and that he hasn't reach it yet. I wonder if I will ever reach mine, the bar that I have set myself since day 1 that at times I am in no attempt to reach it any more. I just want to reach that bar despite of my constant lack of effort. I want to get there. I will try. Too much time has been gone and wasted and I no longer wish to do that. I want to reach that bar.
In English class today Tulner was talking about his bar and that he hasn't reach it yet. I wonder if I will ever reach mine, the bar that I have set myself since day 1 that at times I am in no attempt to reach it any more. I just want to reach that bar despite of my constant lack of effort. I want to get there. I will try. Too much time has been gone and wasted and I no longer wish to do that. I want to reach that bar.
Titanic
On Sunday my boyfriend and I went to the theatres and we watched the movie Titanic in 3D. I really liked it. It was just so heart felt, so tragic yet so beautiful. So many parts of the movie made me teared up especially when Rose jumped off the life boats and ran back to Jack. Another part that really touched my heart was when one of the life boats came back to rescue them and Rose had to let go of Jack's hand because of their promise. It was so saddening that she had to let go of his hand and watch him go underwater. Forever. That moment was just so heart breaking to me. I imagined myself in her situation and had to let go of someone that I love so dearly, it would be a very difficult thing to do. Also when the boat came back and saw all those people frozen in the water was also a very regrettable moment. One image that really stayed in my mind was the man frozen in the water while holding his child in his arms.
It's such a beautiful story. I would watch it again and it would still have the same effects on me. It didn't even feel like it was 3 hours long. I was so immerse in it. At times I wonder what is Jack never won those tickets and went on the titanic, how would his life turn out? So blessed yet so ill-fated.
The irony of life.
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