Love?

To my understanding that means pain, joy, laughter, and tears.

I wanted to say that you reply to her in the morning... I wanted to say it so badly... but I won't because these continuous arguments are getting very tiring. Very Very Very tiring. I think I'm just gonna stop from now on.

I thought I was done with his blog because you used my posts against me before in previous agreements. But today I realized how lonely I am and that my life is an endless cycle that I will always come back here. Always come back here...

Instead of recording endless moments of my life, this blog has become a good friend of mine who I can always vent to, who I can always turn to during the deepest, lowest moments 

You're the first person I told when I received my university package today and like so many other things I've said to you before it gets disregarded. #usedtoit I was so happy and enthusiastic when I got it this morning... I've been looking at the package and I have narrowed my courses down. I'm looking at taking 4 class per semester and then 3 in the spring in order to get the 30 credits for the first year. I sense some handwork but good, it will keep my focus. As of now I think I'm going to go into pre-optometry. The courses that I take for this faculty are also courses that fall into my other interested facilities; density, medicine, and science. Also those classes can also help me major in biochemistry and microbiology. What interests me is that after three years of getting my degree here I can apply to The school of Optometry at Waterloo. Well I mean I have to if I want to get a career. But its great. Just three more years. Hang tight Carmen. At this very moment I feel like nothing is really the way it is... I wouldn't say not worth staying because there will always be something/ someone here that I want to stay for but the question is; does that person want me to stay? or leaving is the best for both of us... 

You know a spark is about to die when the effect no longer longs you.  I feel that over the course of the time our love has strengthen but our communication has somewhat been lost along the way. The vows that we once perched each other has simply become a statement to heal the wounds that has been opened. Trust is lost along the way. I thought that our little exchange could be a tie that we can both have in common. But I guess not. Slowly each and every day, those ties are beginning to untie itself. And soon we would be two separate strings again each running parallel, never encountering again.  I feel as though you even lack the effort to send me a smiley face. Like you don't even want to talk. And lately I feel as though you don't even take the time to read what I send you. I feel as though you even lack the effort to sometimes even send me a good morning message like you once did. Even though you aren't actually up in the morning when sending it but the thought of it makes me so happy. The appreciation and thought makes me happy knowing that you think of me before you go to sleep because I do. I want to feel that spark again that I felt last year. The easy going conversations that we used to have. But I know that will never happen again. Time does that to a relationship...

 whiteshell provincial park

maybe I should check this place out sometime over summer. After all I've got nothing better else to do.

You know? haha yeah I don't know any more. Don't know what to think, don't know what to feel haha

Maybe... so.