Last minute plans today with friends and it turned out well! HAHA "swag crew"

So today I failed because I didn't finish my chemistry homework. Well tomorrow is Friday so I can do it then? Well its not like I have a choice.. I mean, school starts next week!

Went to Aaron Gabriel's house today. Wow he lives close to me but I got tooo lazy to walk there and plus it was raining. ( apparently) We played cards and his mom ordered pizza for us! AWW so nice ((: Aaron is so talented in music! Not even going to lie lol We had a sharing circle lol. Good times! His dog is soo cute! Too bad I got scared, I never been so close to a dog before! I want a pet :D

I hope he goes online soon. I get too tired staying up too long. Sleeping pattern is starting to get really messed up.

Watching Sungkyunkwan Scandal ep17 right now!

I feel like a bitch right now. Fuck. I honestly have trust issues. I really have to start changing my attitude towards people. Especially people that I'm close with. This is so shitty and I'm not even going to lie. I'm going to start learning how to let go and decide on what really matters.


My day was basically spent with Macbeth. I'm proud though because I finished everything. All I have to do now is chemistry and reading. :D Tomorrow I will finish that. Hopefully. And maybe go ahead in physics. NEVER!  I say, NEVER am I going to let myself fall behind again.

I hate how every time I log onto msn, the first person I scroll down to look for is you. I honestly don't want to think about you anymore. No offense but you were sort of a jerk last night. Even though you were in a mad mood but it hurts just leaving someone like that. I'm starting to think, is this still worth it? Sometimes I feel like an idiot. I admit that I expect a lot but of course, at the end you end up doing nothing. Not even a simple hi, bye, smile or wave. Is this really what I want? I admit that when I'm with you I'm really happy. Even if it's just one class or even just five minutes after school. It always makes me day. But right now, I don't even know anymore.

I just got back from a movie with friends! :D The movie was somewhat awkward… LOL Brought bubble tea from Asia City. IT’s so nice there. They went to sellers after the movie. I really wanted to go with them but my stomach was hurting so bad. FML! I blame myself. I know that I cannot drink cold stuff and yet I brought bubble tea…. (But it was so good) But then again I did not eat a lunch. Plus, popcorn and bubble tea aren’t really a good mixture. My dad threaten to take me to the emergency! I'm alright. We watched black swan and the movie had some disturbing scenes... But it was fun though :D

I had a lot to tell you about today. Why did you just leave me on msn like that? I don’t want you saying sorry to me and then leaving. I just wanted to talk to you. Can’t you just give me like 10 minutes of your life and let me talk to you. Gosh! Why am I even crying right now? My tears just started flowing down when you just left like that. I understand that you are in a bad mood that’s why I’m not mad or anything. I just wanted to talk to you before your surgery. I care about you. I honestly hate how I’m crying right now. I hate how I’m so weak. I want to tell you a lot of things. But it seems like I annoy you that’s why I’m always scared to talk to you or tell you anything because I’m scared that you might not like it. I’m scared that you won’t talk to me anymore. I just wanted to tell you that you make me happy. You make me smile and you mean so much to me. I wish I can tell you all of this, but all you do is make me guess. I don’t know what to do anymore. It hurts me when you just leave me like that. It hurts a lot. I don’t want to like anyone anymore. I need to be alone for a few days. I'm glad it is spring break. If there was school tomorrow I don't even know......

oh henry :D

I love strawberries !!

Sungkyunkwan Scandal ep16

Last night was just one of those nights where you feel like shit. I was feeling so down last night that I actually cried a bit. But I'm feeling better now. I really hate those nights where I cry myself to sleep.

I'm disappointed :/ I know you don't reply back to your facebook inbox but don't you at least check ? Sometimes I hate how you choose your games over me :/ I don't mind but sometimes when I need you the most your just not here. Sometimes it seems like I'm not important to you at all. But then again, maybe I'm not. Maybe I mean nothing to you at all. But you mean something to me. I don't want to go further anymore. I'm scared that if I go further into this, I can't get myself back together again. I like you a lot. I really really really miss you right now. I slept so bad last night because I kept thinking of what I should  do. You are the last person that I think of before I go to bed and you are the first person I think of when I wake up. I think I'm letting myself go too far. I think it's time that I start going back a little bit. If I don't now I may end up too far and never find my way back again.‏

His surgery is tomorrow. I hope everything goes well. Get well soon and please take care.

I'm home alone and watching Sungkyunkwan Scandal ep16 :DD Going to asia city later with friends :D and watching black swan maybe lol

Wow I can't fall asleep even if I wanted too. Sad eh? I wonder what he is doing right now. Is he sleeping? Eating? Or on skype? I wonder if he misses me? Because I really miss him :/ I'm starting to like him a lot more that I thought I would. But how can you not though? When you're cold in physics he holds your hands to warm you up. Who sends you sweet messages on msn before he goes to sleep. When he's away he would ask you if you missed him. When given class time in class to do work he'd rather talk to you and do it at home. Who puts his arms around you after class. Who sings you a song and asks you for opinion. Who tells you to call him in the morning when you wake up even though he may still be sleeping. Who is willing to give you a prize and that you can have anything and you have the rest of your life to decide. How can you not fall for someone like him? Who's given you so many smiles. I just hope that you are ok.

I really want you to sing for me again. It's really sweet. I want you to give me the hug that you still owe me. But most importantly, I really want you to be happy. (: if you are happy, then I'll be happy too! I hope that everyone around me can find their own happiness that truly belongs to them. Wow it's almost tomorrow. Time to try sleeping again

Feeling sleepy

I'm feeling so tired right now. I really want to sleep but I really want to talk to him :/ Should I just sign off? ): At least my headache is gone. HMMM what to do. I think I'm going to sleep. My sleeping pattern is starting to get messed up.... FRICK

My dinner.

Pizza two days in a row. I wanna barf now -_-"

Spring Break !

My day was pretty decent today but I have a headache right now. -__- I attempted to do some chemistry homework this morning but failed. I ended up on the laptop watching horror movie trailers. I’m so proud because I made it through all of the trailers. Well 99% of it. :D And then we went out and drove my Aunt to the airport. She was visiting us for a week and now she is heading back to Toronto. I wonder how it feels not to see your mom for more than 10 years. She hasn’t seen my grandma for over 10 years. Since grandma, my other aunt and my dad migrated to Canada all they had to keep in contact was through phone calls. Well, she left today and it was really nice seeing her again (: At the airport, Shirley and I were playing at the arcade thing. Someday, I would like to work at the airport!

My sleeping pattern is getting messed up. I’m sleeping too late and waking up too early. And in the afternoon I get so sleepy! I have a terrible headache right now too ): sad face. I stayed up at night just to talk to him. Even though I’m really tired but it is really worth it staying up and talking to him. He makes me so happy. I feel so happy when I’m with him. He makes my day. Well I hope I get better tomorrow. I’m going to Asia city with friends and then watching a movie. I still want to watch Black Swan. :P

LOL my sister was getting a haircut on Saturday and my grandma told her to cut it like this LMAO. Me and my cousin was laughing hardcore !!

my fortune from the fortune cookie on Saturday @ Buffet Square

hmmm, I wonder if it is true lol :P

after the airport

good bad day

It would have been a good day. But no! I had to fail my bronze cross redo!!! WHAT THE EFFFFFFFF I’m so sad because of it. But then again I didn’t really take it to heart. I’m so bother because of it…

But anyhow here are some good things about today. ((: Went to forever 21 with friends. We brought Starbucks and the game of life. Gosh I suck lol and I was married to [insert name here] lol naah too weird. And then we went to Trisha’s house! OMMMMG her house is soooo nice. Not even going to lie! We played Just dance? I think. It was fun but I suck lol! HAHAHAH good times. I love my friends! So yea by day was basically like this. Trisha’s mom ordered pizza for us. Their house is so clean lol

I haven’t talk to you today ): I wish you well.

I’m miss you

I wonder what you are doing right now. I was out all day and the first thing I did when I came home was log onto msn and see if you were on. But you’re not. You get tired so easily now but I’m glad that you are not sick anymore.

My day was alright. But gosh I was pissed. -__- Anyways, went for my redo exam today. It was just whatever. I was on OMGPOP with friends lol! It was fun. Well I got to sleep now. Peace. Went to buffet square for lunch. LOLOL I shall post the photos tomorrow. sweet dreams

His pro drawing ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm gonna keep it forever :D

My victory (:
Me and Mayanne were playing during our spare. I'm pro :D
Lunch was interesting lol my friends order pizza to Sisler... :O using Mandy's phone LOL..

The lame card that I brought for him...

jheez -_-" I suck at buying gifts for a guy ): 

What a good day

Thanks to you ♥ (:

Every moment that I have been with you up until now are great moments. You are the one that makes me want to go to physics class every day. You are the one that makes me want to wake up and go to school. You make me happy. Sometimes I can’t stop looking at you because you just seem so unreal to me. You always make my day feel special. You make me feel special.

So apparently I passed my physics test! :O like OMG! I’m so surprised. I’m not even joking. I got 81% on it. That is way pass on what I was expecting. I also got my chemistry lab back today and got a good mark. She even gave me a happy face. (:

The only down side today was not seeing you after school. I hope your surgery goes well. I’m so excited for spring break! On Sunday me and my friends are going to go to forever 21 and then on Tuesday we are going to watch a movie and then Asia city! ((:

I’m Watching Sungkyunkwan Scandal episode 14 right now. I miss my drama times D: But if anything, I’d rather be with you.

every moment I'm with you

are one of the happiness moments of my life.

So yeah physics test was just terrible ! I failed  ): but it was still a great class thanks to you  ♥ Did nothing during spare lol Went to visit Jeff at the store and brought candy XD

Last night, me and my friend Andrew Tang has a serious conversation. Like for once in my life, I'm starting to see a different side of him. Although I admit he is mean to me but I take back all the mean things I said about him from before. He apologized to me. I was in shock! Like he was asking us how we think about him. I told him the truth but I'm really starting to see a different side of him and it is a good side.

I was just playing dinglepop and drawing game with my friends! HAHA good times on OMGPOP (:

I don't want to be happy anymore. Everytime I'm happy, something bad always seem to happen :(
I don't know. I'm not questioning. I don't know what I'm doing :(

I'm gonna die tomorrow just because of English and physics !!! I'm so worried about physics :/how come no one seems to understand that? It seems like everything is my fault ? Physics is multiple choice that's why I'm so worried

Going to school soon

Weeeeh! I hate coughing to the extreme. It feels so bad :(

I got a spare this morning so I slept in! It was so fun last night playing connect four on omgpop with Aaron! Dang! He's good. Our score was like 19:1 ! I'm not even joking and I'm the one lol :O and then Andrew was watching us play and I was like what the heck ??? It was kind of funny though lol

Double test tomorrow: physics and English! I'm am screw :( gonna fail especially English !!!!! My mind is not working too well. Can't wait unti tomorrow is over. I hate it when teachers tell you two days before you have a test. I need at least 3 days. Now I gotta cram :( good luck to me.

11:11 soon

JJLin "That's What She Said" 她说 - Jason Chen Cover

I am doing so shitty in English! Although my essay mark wasn’t too bad but still! English is going to ruin my marks this semester when it comes to report cards ): I HATE YOU !

Chemistry test wasn’t too bad.

Grandma and Auntie coming over later (:

&&& you look very cute today ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

SUNRISE !

IT IS SO PRETTTTY! :DDDDDD

OKAY, ONE DAY

I WILL FORCE MYSELF TO WAKE UP EARLY

AND SEE THIS

I will

isn't this just beautiful?

its the sunset I think

Thank you for making physics class a great class today. Although I had no idea what the lab was about, you made me happy (: I really appreciate it. I love it when you hold my hands in yours. It makes me feel really really warm and blissful. I wish that you would never let go. Sometimes I wish that I can always be with you because when it is just us, in person, I feel that all the problems I was thinking about would just suddenly fade away. At least they are not with me at that very moment. Thank you for always making my day feel special. I blame myself for having such a weak stomach. -_-" I was in pain after school!

I think I should not protect my blog anymore lol since I don't think he is going to read it anymore. I did block it for quite sometime! (:

WELL going to study for chemistry test now. Goodnight. :D
I can sleep with a smile on.

GOOD DAY (:

This morning, we went out for dim sum with family since my aunt is over! It was fun. I love my cousins and my nephew. HE'S SO CUTE !!! (((: We were playing tap tap revenge. GOSH I suck at those games -_-"

Then we went to forever 21! I LOVE FOREVER 21 :D Brought a cardigan and a shirt XD But together it was already 60 bucks! :/ Frick I gotta stop spending such large amounts.

I'm so glad that you are finally feeling better. My wish came true :D Please be happy and well.

my new drama list

I don't feel like doing my physics homework anymore so yea.... :/ I wanna watch

• SECRET GARDEN!!!!!!!!!!
• Dream High
• Love Buffet
• Momo love
• Sunny Happiness! MIKE HE (:

Yeah, that's it actually LOL But I really wanna watch secret garden

I think he’s avoiding me. Did I do something wrong? WHAT DID I DO? … ):

Like, this bothers me a lot. He’s been offline for like two days now and I’m worried. He didn’t look too well after school on Friday. I knew I should have gone up to him and talk to him. But I don’t know why but for some reason, it seems like he is avoiding me. I feel bad. My heart hurts ): What is up with me?
-_- I don’t think this is going to work anymore. I actually thought there was a chance. Silly me. I feel like an idiot. I feel so stupid that I want to transfer school or drop out of physics. I feel terrible not having any faith or trust in him. I really do. But then again maybe it’s been one sided all long. I left him an offline msg. He is not going to reply back, I know it. I guess to him, I’m nothing more than just a friend. He never said he liked me or anything. Maybe I’ve been taking the wrong signals. Perhaps everything was a mistake to begin with. It feels like I’m a bother to him and we barely have anything to talk about. I’m tired of putting in effort and actually trying to make our conversations interesting. I’m tired of everything. I give up. Game over. It’s all over and this time it really is. But then again, it never even started….. But thank you for giving me all these beautiful memories and such a wonderful dream. But a dream can’t go on forever. Sooner or later I will have to wake up and I guess right now it’s the time. It was a nice page to my life story and I thank you for that. I really do. Thank you, OB.

And please get well soon if you are still sick. Don’t nap for ten years. It’s too long of a time.

IT'S FRIDAY

I'm over thinking....

I try not to think about you but trying not to think about you is still thinking about you. What am I suppose to do now? ): Can you tell me how you feel and think instead of me always guessing. :/ The past few days has been stressful too me. I'm bothered. You ask me but I cannot tell you just because. I'm not bother because OF you. When I think about you and all our gentle moments, all I want to do is to be with you. But now I'm scared that I might actually lose you and wake up from this dream. I know we are just friends but there's this part of me that likes you more than just friends. You are someone to me. I feel so helpless seeing you sick in physics class ): so please get well.

Thinking leads to questions. Questions leads to over thinking, over thinking leads to negative thoughts, negative thoughts leads to worries, worries leads to complications, complications leads to troubles and troubles leads to the end. Maybe I shouldn't think and just let everything go naturally. Right. I should do that.... I must and I will.

I think I’m getting paranoid.

Like, I don’t even know why I’m so bothered about this. Like, they broke up already and kay, what does it matter to me? Its none of my business. But why do I keep thinking about it? I mean…. I don’t know, my friend told me they were “together” near the beginning of the year. But it’s only March right now. Can you get over someone that fast? OMMMGG what am I thinking?? STOP CARMEN! STOP!! Don’t think about it. GO do English. BYE

It was a pretty interesting lunch hour. Met a new a new friend named Miguel. LOL so yea, he just came up to our table and was like hi LMAO! And then Evan came lol!! Jheez they have such silly friends lol and then aaron came over and gave us his textbook ! It was a good laugh though. GOOD times (: best part of today actually.

I just want someone to understand me.

So yeah, like I just failed my bronze cross exam (no surprise) and my dad is telling me to do it again. But honestly, I do not want too. Like every single day, I go there and ask myself this question: why am I here? Even up until this point, I don’t know why… To be honest, letting my dad talked me into this swimming shit was the biggest regret of my life. I can’t make a difference in this world. I just want a simple life and that is all. Why do you always have to make things so hard on me? Especially when it comes to report cards. If I want to show you I will eventually. Why can’t you just let me be instead of questioning this and questioning me that. Like what’s wrong with being an accountant? And they want me in the medical field. FRICK! I suck at chemistry and to be honest, I have no idea what I’m doing in physics. And I said that I might apply to university of Winnipeg but NO they said I should go to university of Manitoba. OMMMG it’s my life! Don’t I have the right to decide??? Can’t you guys for once ask what I really want instead of just deciding everything for me? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that I really want to go out and see this world and just on my own. I want some time to think things over and understand myself.

I admit that I have feelings for you and you’re the only guy ever to give me this blissful feeling. I don’t want to get too attached to you because of my “future plans”. I really like you but I cannot make that commitment. I’m really sorry. You should look for someone better. I’m still unsure of who I am and which direction I want to go. All I know is that I want to be happy and right now I’m not because of all the questions that are just hanging there. But the worst part is, acting that everything is alright and forcing myself a fake smile.

p.s happy pi approximation day

Easiest school today ever

So yeah, basically we had like three spares today! Due to science fair, we were kicked out of our physics class room! Went to the library with him (((: awwwh he distracts me from my homework but he really knows how to make a girl smile :D he makes me feel so special. I feel really bad being mean to him sometimes :/ Had a spare for chemistry! As if she just lets us go ! :P oh well! I didn’t feel like dong any work anyways lol! So my introduction for my essay wasnt too bad. I just need a hook. Ohyeah basically that was my entire day. Spares ALL DAY FOR THE WIN. And as if my friend Kim stalks me lol but she’s so cute lol as for me and his relationship, I really don’t know. But I’m not going to question my happiness. I’m going to live with it.

OH yeah! We got gold for music festival!!!!!!! ((((((: I'm so proud :D All those hard work paid off!

Kpop Hair

Music festival

Music festival
It was a pretty goodnight at music festival. We had really great comments and feedbacks (: I felt proud! It made all those practices worth practicing and going! Although we didn’t get to know what our ranking was, I’m sure we did well because she practiced and tried our best. The process of a choir getting together and putting together a song takes a lot of effort. I’m glad we were able to do so. So yup!

WHAT THE HECK? Pop quiz in physics today??? D: chemistry test was….. FRICK I forgot how to convert Fahrenheit to Celsius! )))): WEEEEEEH! In physics today he was holding my hand. Feels so warm. It makes my heart melt. Thank you. So yeah we are deciding on a personal private time day lol He’s such a loser! (((: I hope it actually happens…

Wow, I didn’t know that it would hurt me that much. When you didn’t talk to me in physics today I felt really bad. I thought that I could get over it but I couldn’t. I can’t right now at this very moment. My heart was hurting so much. I wanted to cry and I still do. Back then you were just some guy and now you are someone. You are someone that actually means something to me. I didn’t know that it would affect me this much. I can avoid you if I really wanted to but I can’t in physics because you sit right beside me. The silence kills me. I don’t know why it was okay before but now that silence is just too much for me. It hurts. Worst part about today was you not talking to me. ):

Today was just terrible. This morning our car broke down and we were almost late for school not that it really matters to me because I have a spare! Then when we got to school, I realized that I forgot my chemistry textbook -__-" Physics class was terrible. English was just boring like always. The only part I liked about today was getting a decent mark on my chemistry quiz.  That actually made my day...........

I don’t want to go to physics anymore. ): I don’t even want to go to school. Don’t you realize that we have a problem? Sometimes I feel that everything is just my fault. Me and my overthinking but I just can’t help it. I really don’t know how I’m going to last the rest of this semester. Can you just tell me how you really feel about me instead of me just guessing. Sometimes it feels like that I make everything complicated. Why can’t I just go with the flow? But I can’t. Being with you makes me very happy and blissful but at the same time I feel so unsure. You don’t tell me anything and I worry. It feels like at any moment you’re just going to disappear and leaving all my questions unanswered. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I can just leave. But the other problem is, I don’t have anywhere else to go.

why do I even care? Why????? I don't care. But why does this hurt so much? It feels like that at any moment, my heart is going to explode. If I knew that liking someone hurts so much, I don't ever want to like anyone ever again. Forever alone. I need some time away from him. I just want to put everything about him aside. I won't go on msn for a while. I deactivated my facebook account. Just contact me elsewhere. I need to get myself back together. I have too. The only thing that I can't avoid about him is physics class.... Otherwise, I'll be okay.

OMG my blog better be protected.....

I guess I have like no readers now since I edit the settings. But now I can blog whatever I want. I think from now on I will just blog everything instead of writing it down. That way I can blog wherever.

I still can’t believe that he just left me like that last night. He came back at around 2ish and left me an offline message. But still, how can he just leave me like that? And not even explaining where he went. He’s leaving me with too many questions. I like to know answers and not question questions. He’s making me feel very unsure. I admit I like him but to be honest I don’t plan on setting him for the rest of my life. Rest of my life just seems so far… I like to be free and not attach to anything or anyone. I can’t keep promises. I don’t want to hurt you. I honestly regret not switching out of physics. I can feel myself fall for you. I’m scared that one day I’m going to be afraid to let go of you. Please stop being so nice to me. If I could go back in time, I wish everything can be like semester one. Everything was fine and my life was not affected by you. I really miss those days.

Today was a pretty average day. Went to lucky supermarket and brought ASAIN food. I’m on a strike for junk food too. Well, that was nice while it lasted.

Time to finish my English paragraphs. DD: I want a cellphone now! My uncle and auntie got new phones and I’m once again into wanting a phone. I give up wanting that blackberry torch. I was watching calling for love on tv. MIKE HE (:

YESSS ! I just beat ANDREW TANG IN Dinglepop :) WEll kinda! lol I was second and he was third. Jessica was first :PP As long as I beat Andrew then it's all good LOL! (: It was pretty exciting actually. I used all my items on him. I didn't even know you could do that until he pointed that out. Then I used all my items on him. LOOSSEEER! But anyhow it made my day (: Stupid things like this tend to keep my mind off other things. Which reminds me I have to finish somethings up for tomorrow. Goodnight.

wow this is like grade 10 all over again

"Evil is always devising more corrosive misery through man's restless need to exact revenge out of his hate." Ralph Steadman

You know the saying how history can repeat itself. Well it’s true. Long story short, so basically my “friend” Andrew Tang blocked me on msn again. Why? OMG like really??? Okay so the past two days we were playing dinglepop. (It’s actually pretty fun) So I was online and he invited me to play and I couldn’t open the link there so I asked my friend to play for me. It wasn’t like I wasn’t going to tell him or anything. I didn’t even mean anything that way. It hurts that we have no trust. What is a friendship without trust? but then again you can really consider us friends. He’s just making a big deal out of it. Like really?? I don’t care. And as if he’s planning to get revenge on me. OMGOMGOMG I’m scared -_-" I repeat, like really? I swear honest to god one day I will beat him. OHHH WHAT NOW! He’s such a FAG! This is so like grade 10. IN grade 10 I was helping him with a physics question and he didn’t get it and took it out on me. Come on, I have feelings too yenno…. And then he blocked me so I blocked him back. This is how it goes. LOSER TO THE EXTREME! I’m so fricken pissed right now. Not even gonna lie.

So I'm getting caught up in school work now. Finally -_-"

So my day :
Did vectors in physics and A LOT of notes in chemistry. Spare with fun! ANDREW WAS telling me bad things about my English book ( A doll's house) WEEEH! I don't want to use it now! English is basically a resting class for me. Which reminds me that I have to read! OMMMGGGG

Reviewing notes and such right now.

These schedule stuff for next year is giving me a headache. -_-" I really don’t know what to take. It’s my future…. So hard deciding. But whatever happens next year I am going to make the best out of it. It is my last year and I hope for the best! Well that’s basically all I have to say =)

I was on OMGPOP with Andrew, Jessica and Amy. LOL I was doing physics but I had too :/ It was fun but frick I cannot beat ANDREW ~! Must practice more !! :D I came in second lol ! I was so close!!!!!!!! PEACE! Going to do some physics and English homework now. I will conquer.