time seems to be going by extra slow today. I am a sad, lost, indecisive, confused individual.

One of my biggest regret in life is swimming. Starting swimming to be more specific. If I never started I wouldn't have this annoyance right now. It bugs me and bothers me everyday that I never finished it. All that time and money put into work? Ugh. It bugs me everyday so much.

Happy Birthday Grandma :)!

Happy Birthday Grandma (: What a blissful day with the family today. Grandparents came over to celebrate her birthday. She cut the cake then blew the candle and we call laugh! hehe what a silly cute moment. We also took lots of pictures and played with the balloons. We then walked to Mcdonalds but realized that dollar drinks is over :( so we decided to get an iced capp. On the way there we realized we're missing a dollar so we didn't have enough either. We walked back home. When we got home I realized that the dollar was in my jean pocket... .my bad :$

Really really wish that I was smarter

I hope everything is okay. Praying.

I just want some thought.

Was going to wake up early and go to uni early tomorrow so I can spend some time with him when his class ends but I think I'm just going to sleep in. All this effort for what?

Think im coming down with a cold. Drat. Gotta put on more layers in the morning when I bus especially when I bus at 7. Also my bus was late today so I had to stand in the wind for 15 mins. Sad life. Gotta let my body replenish itself and study hardcore and get caught up in everything before this coming monday. Especially psychology.Haven't touched it since Tuesday...

I found myself a pretty good study spot today. Its on the 5th floor of the science and technology library. Its so quiet and the tables are against windows which makes it extra peaceful and inspiring to study. Thats my day pretty much!

I kind of really want to sign our for one of those student service trips. they seem so inspiring and life changing. hmm I don't know I'll think about it. Parts of me want to and parts of me doesn't want to just yet. I don't know... #thoughts

Lastly before I sleep

It is SO ANNOYING when my parents tell me to sleep especially if i'm reviewing/studying/ writing an essay. Mom, dad, please take a moment and think. Junior high < high school < university. You can't expect me to go to sleep early and still get A's. That's typically not how the correlation works.

September 9

Happy birthday Timmy :) you are now 8 :) cousins came over with cake :) will post the picture some time this week. Then cousin's friends came over... and I thought they were kids selling chocolate. LOL BUT they're not. Then we went out to superstore, wal mart, and dollarama. Then we came back home and parents plus bro went out again. Sis and I did the laundry and blow up balloons to surprise him :). Little kids are easy to satisfied. Bro's wish was to receive 20 dollars from sis and I. I made his wish come true. I gave him 20 bucks... in american money. Will get him an actual better gift for Christmas!

ugh regret wasting time over the weekend -_- so behind already :@@@@@ and stupid u of m registration site

I just want my stomache to go away :(

Second day university

Im really starting to like all my classes. Stats and bio being my favourite so far! Today was also the first time I attend a video lecture. It was really interesting to be honest. Hehe I thought I would't like it but its actually pretty cool. I wonder how its gonna be like when we get a real lecture and not intro

University Day 1

I did not imagine my first day to turn out like this. It was simply interesting. That is all I can say. I really like my statistics professor though. My chem prof has a voice that can put you to sleep... She seems like a nice person though. Also brought my lab coat, safety glasses, iclicker, and stats textbook. University = no more money. Looking forward to biology tomorrow. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Still cannot absorb the fact that I'm going into university tomorrow. The word University still seems foreign to me. I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm feeling a bit of both. Excited and nervous. Excited because there are so many opportunities out there now. Nervous because I have no idea how hard this road may be and what may happen. I don't know. I like stable.

Just an hour ago, someone broke into our garage...   I remember a few other incidents. The oldest one being our first family car getting stolen along with the car seat. Then the second one was that someone threw eggs at our window. Next incident is someone drawing graffiti on our garage. The most recent one I recall was someone walking into our backyard and stealing Timmy's bike but jing saw and got the bike back. This one was scary though. The man used a screw driver and opened our garage door. Timmy pointed out the lights were on. Then my parents saw a figure inside our garage and they ran out. My mom grabbed the phone but my dad just ran out. The guy said "I'm looking for my friend" Then he ran out, jumped onto his bike and took off. So scary... I'm scared to stay home alone now.

hmm university...

I am not looking forward to waking up at 6:30 to bus to university...but I know it'll be worth it in the end. But I am looking forward to taking psychology, environmental science, biology, and calculus. Err chemistry not so much hehe its just the workload for chem is so heavy x.x I'm really looking forward for my year two classes though! One of the reasons why I want to get into pharmacy is because of the interest I have in their classes. I really hope I get in. hehe really looking forward to learning anatomy, biochemistry, microbiology, physiology, and intro pharmacy. Its one of the reasons that's motivating me to stay on this career path and choice. Might take biology courses over the summer because biology is the branch of science that still interests me the most. Biology all the way!

Its not that late..

Going to try to get into the habit of regular blogging again ^_^

I want to relive my childhood again

Day 13: Homebound

After spending the night in Sioux Falls, its the day we're finally heading home. On the way back we stopped in Fargo for gas and lunch. Then we shopped around for a bit since we're there. Brought some last day clothing items. At the gas station we once again brought our daily soda cans hehe. I enjoy that tradition. The bottles are pretty. hehe it's our third year and at the same gas station too :D We also stopped at office depot and brought a few school supplies item. Dad said we've gone shopping crazy cause we even went to office depot. Last stop was the duty free shop. And then home.

NTS: fix Ipod screen.

Frustrating day thanks to my mom. -_- ugh. but day is slightly getting better

To do:

• finish re-editing essay
• upload Ipod pictures onto Ipod, update and remove music that I always skip
• apply for job (answers and aeropostale) 
• look for a new volunteer place
• apply for uni scholarship and bursary 
• write home bound blog post 
• write travel journal entries into notebook

Sucks when you can't leave your room without shoes...Have to wait , wait, and wait.

I'm going to get an arts degree and that's that. I don't care what it takes to improve my communication and writing skills.

Wish The Wedding was a major motion. Would totally watch it

Tetris and Swapples. My stress reliever.

Have you ever got that feeling? where you want to accomplish so many things but you just can't?

ugh >.< so tired. long day and still sorting things out mentally. What do I really want in life?

Goodnight.

Clubbing is not casino... where have I been all my life?

第二優先- show Lou

Day 12 Mount Rushmore

As this trip nears end, its still hard to believe that so many things/events has happened since then. After another 7 hour drive, we finally arrived in South Dakota. Its really nice here. They have a YMCA gym too! Reminds me of home. Oh, how I miss home so dearly. After two weeks of hotel and outside food, I really miss home. I miss him. We visited Mount Rushmore. It was quite nice although the carvings looks much smaller in person than on the internet. We drove there for 6 hours and stayed there for less than an hour... lol oh life then we headed to sioux falls for the night and homebound tomorrow!

"Shorten the words sent, the time spent, the meaning meant."

Can't wait to go home and get myself a new toothbrush. My dad keeps using mine just cause both of our toothbrushes is blue -_-" like can't you recognize your own toothbrush??? GRRRRRRRR Even though I strictly told him two days ago

Day 11 On the highways again

Nothing really special about today except on the highway for a good 14 hours. We're in Billings, Montana now. Once again we had trouble finding finding a hotel. Its odd because we only have this trouble when we're in the states. LOL After going through 6 other hotels we finally found one thats non smoking and has two beds. Although it's very expensive with no swimming pool too lol. On the bright side it doesn't stink here... Sleep Inn

Day 10 Exploring Portland

Since we're stuck in Portland we decided to stay for a bit. At least until rush hour traffic is over. They treated us out for dimsum at that same restaurant again. After that we went to the Portland outlets. These ones are much better than the Seattle ones. I also got a new backpack for 10 bucks! There's also no taxes here. Maybe that's why the city is so sketchy and poorly maintained. My mom and her friend were fighting to pay at the cashier. I just stood there and thinking "what" everyone kept looking at them. At me. After our shopping we want to McDonald's and I ordered a salad. It was good I may say. Then we officially said our goodbyes. They were very nice people. They offered to carry our shopping bags and paid for so many of our expenses. They even help Timmy put his shoes back on. Can't wait to see them again though I don't think I'll be in Portland for quite awhile. Even after all that we couldn't avoid the rush hour traffic but we got a good look at Oregon Portland. Beautiful city with many tall buildings. I guess only that part was sketchy and the grasses were yellow. After we got out we had trouble finding a hotel. We always seem to have that problem in the states. We arrived at a town name Boardman with a population of 5000 and stayed at a hotel. My dad asked him if it's safe and the guy said "it's the Safest place because we only have 5000 people". And so we were stuck at that motel with five other people for the night and a crappy wifi connection. Let's just say it was worse than the one in Portland. 

Day 9 Seattle and Portland

We woke up early and drove to Seattle. We got there pretty early and parking was easy to find. We went to the Seattle premium outlets and shopped for a bit. I brought a couple of t-shirts. Although I must say that the variety of stores ain't that much compared to the ones in albertville. At least my mom's day was made. She got three coach bags for her belated birthday gifts. Then we headed to portland to visit my mom's homeland friends. Supposingly a two and a half hour drive turned into a seven hour drive. We were stuck in rush hour traffic because all the cities and towns were so close together. It's my first time that I've seen such rush hour traffic on a highway despite the fact that the highway had 7 lanes. It was crazy! We finally got there around 8:30 ish. We went out to eat at this seafood restaurant where the guy works at. Very very nice people. They opened the door for me when I needed to get out of the car. Then we went back to their place and they talked until 1. Their son Raymond gave us their wifi password so I was able to message my baby goodnight even though he was sleeping already. After saying our goodbyes we went to suites that they paid for us. I must say the area that they live in is quite sketchy. It's sketchier than Winnipeg. It was also the first time I've been in a hotel where there is no lobby. All the rooms are located outside and the room had an odd odor. Also our bathroom door had a hole and the bathroom sink is not located inside the washroom. It was interesting. That's how we ended up in Portland for the night. 

WHERE ARE YOU GLASSES :S

Day 8: English Bay

Today was a pretty chilled day in Vancouver. We always seem to run out of things to do on our last day... Any who, we explored Richmond one last time and eat breakfast at this random Chinese mall that doesn't even open until 11. Then we went to English Bay. Beautiful there. I got some nice sea shells :D Some random dude asked us where we're from. We hesitated cause you know strangers... then he said "don't worry I'm a good person" so we said "We're from Winnipeg". He said "China?". We said " Winnipeg. He said "Japan?". So we just agreed... We had lunch after at this Vietnamese place. PHO :D After that we went back to cousins. The dog likes me now! though I got a random rash...:/ then we ate dinner at the place we first ate at when we first came here. Where it start is where is ends. Cool, chilled, relaxed day. Goodbye Vancouver. Until next time. Thank you for the experience. Bittersweet.

Day 7: Mountains and Trees

First off, no matter how tired and lazy I am I will always try to write a post about what I did today. After all I did promise you(:

Woke up pretty early this morning but had a decent night of sleep. It was certainly better than the previous nights. Then we headed off to Whistler village. The design and set up is very similar to Banff. The only difference is that the activities there are more expensive. It was pretty nice and we watched parts of the olympic closing ceremonies. After all, Whistler was where the athletes trained for the Vancouver 2010 winter olympics so I thought that was pretty neat watching that there. After that we headed to Lynn Canyon Suspension Bridge. I got quite dizzy crossing it because throughout the entire day I only ate one timbit and a hash brown. It was nice though. We walked in the cold water for a bit and shirley knocked someones shoes down. It was quite funny. I want to swim there next time. It's also really beautiful there. Amazing hiking place. It was a great experiences. Then we got food and bubble tea and headed back to the hotel and went swimming for a bit. To end the night we explored the Richmond night market. It was neat. It remind me of the ex. We saw our hotel friend working there. We see him everywhere! He's nice. He gave us a discount at the hotel. Most importantly he's Chinese and can actually talk to my dad. I want to go to the night market with my baby boo and we can have chips on a stick. I was sad that I couldn't find it. It reminded me so much of him and his excitement while he waited for it.

Here are some funny moments that might put a smile on your face:)

1) In Whistler my mom, sister and I all had to go to the washroom. There were only two stalls and so they went first. I waited for them and I kept yelling at them "Hurry up!" cause you know how public washrooms are... Then all of a sudden this Asian woman comes in and she starts yelling at them too copying me and saying "hurry up!"At first I thought she was trolling but then I realized that her jean zipper is already unzipped and her belt is already loose... Talk about awkward. Then I said "you can go first" and she thanked me. It was uh... yeah...

2) On the car ride yesterday Timmy said "I am number 1"
Sister "No you're not"
Timmy "Yes I am, if not why do I have this number one badge"
Sister  "Because you brought it for 79 cents" HAHAH I thought it was pretty funny :)!

3) Also in Whistler today; We were taking pictures at the olympic rings. Then we turn around and see Timmy drinking a Mcdonalds coffee. My mom asked "who's is that" and we all said we already threw ours out. It turns out we have no idea who the coffee belongs too but it certainly wasn't us. Mom freaked out and told Timmy to go wash his mouth. LOL and at the night market we saw another coffee cup on a rock. My sister said "timmy this is not ours! Don't drink it" HAHAHAH!

I hope that these moments will brighten up your day :)

Day 6: Shopping In Vancouver

It was a pretty chill day. Meet up with dad's friend Stanley and we went for dim sum. After took he took up to Richmond Shopping Mall or something and I brought a couple of books and a top from forever 21. He left and we meet up with cousins and we all went to Metrotown. I brought another cute top at H&M. And my parents spent a good hour and a half at the T&T superstore. My parents are obsessed with those. Then sis meet up with her shad friends. While we wait for her we went to Crystal Mall. It was pretty lame. It looked better on tv. Then we all went to cousins for dinner and played with their dog. Chilled day. Everything I saw today reminded me of him.

Day 5: Beautiful Inspiration

Woke up pretty early and took a ferry to Vancouver Island. It was amazing other than some difficulties but it was truly inspiring, We were the only car in lane 41. It was odd. I wonder how they built those ferries. We were on the ferries with like 1 trucks and 100+ other cars. Quite heavy eh? After we got to the island we went to see the Butchant Gardens. It was so beautiful. I want my wedding photos taken there. Although it was expensive to get in. It was worth it but probably won't go again until who knows when. Too expensive. It was really inspiring though. After that we explored Victoria for a bit. Again beautiful sceneries. We went to the Chinatown and we ate lunch. After that we drove around and we went to the parliament buildings. I want to live in Victoria one day. Maybe. Its not big and complex like  Toronto or Vancouver and not small and limited like Winnipeg. Maybe just maybe. They have beautiful buildings and apartments. We missed our ferry so we delayed an hour getting back. I wish I could have msn with him while on the ferry so I can share with you that beautiful landscape of water but the connection was horrible. This was my day

Was once lost always lost really true of chastity?

Day4: Exploring Vancouver

Today was quite an interesting day. This trip was poorly planned but overall its been good to me somewhat. Anyway, meet up with dad's friends after arriving a couple hours too early at the aberdeen mall. Ate lunch together. After that we headed out to Stanley Park. Amazing park I would say. I wouldn't mind living in that area and waking up to that scenery everyday. The Vancouver Aquarium was nice although it didn't catch much of my attention. Shedd in Chicago is still by far the most interesting to me. We explored Chinatown for a bit. It was creepy so we left. I'm glad I got to talk to him. I really am. It feels like its been awhile.

Beautiful British Columbia Part 2

After 10+ hours of driving. We finally got to Vancouver. We met up with our cousins living in Richmond. They have a dog its so cute! My cousin is such a shopaholic. She brought so many Chinese sauce that the person working there asked her if she opens a restaurant. They treated us to a nice Chinese restaurant. The food was quite good and the soup was free. Watched some dramas there while waiting for the food to come. All her kids have DSI. It was a nice night.

A little highlight of the day: While driving by the mountains my dad said "What beautiful scenery this is" My mom said "You're looking at the same thing for hours" Dad: "Look that woman even stopped to take pictures" We drive pass that woman and we see that the hood of her car is opened LOOL Funny moments with the fam.

Day 3: Beautiful British Columbia

Basically drove the entire day. Nothing interesting. Meet up with cousins in Vancouver Richmord. Amazing people. Went out to a restaurant to eat. Will upload pictures tomorrow. Passed by a couple of towns in BC that I never heard of before. Like Salmon Arms, Chase, and Kamloops. Interesting but for now Goodnight

Day 2 Exploring Calgary

Calgary is nice but nothing special at least not the way I thought it would it yet it was still pretty cool. I mean once you get used to a place its not as "cool" as you once thought it would be. It reminds me a lot of my hometown Winnipeg. We went to a Chinnok mall today. There was a staples near by and it reminded me so much of polo. I miss home. I finally brought an infinity scarf today. I brought it at Spring. It was 18 bucks but it was so worth it. Sis met up with her shad friend and my dad went looking for her instead of waiting at the food court where we said to meet. My mom said that if we go through the bay it would be easier but dad didn't agree. He got angry so he ran into a store he thought it was the bay. We went to the second floor and it ended up bring the store Jacob. It was a good laugh.  After that we explored chinatown for a bit. It was nothing special although its nice how the street names are in Chinese. I brought a cute domo keychain. Why do I buy these useless stuff? ... After that we explored a couple of Chinese Malls because my dad is obsessed with it. We ate at a restaurant and we ended up with no many food that we thought we crossed off on our order so we ended up paying a good 60 bucks. At least dinner is taken care of. We went back to the hotel after and basically we just sat on our beds. We then headed out to Crossiron mills. Very big mall. Dad thought he was going the right way and he kept saying "I'm going the right way" like 10 times then he went the wrong way and he said "I'm going the wrong way" and we all started to laugh. Reminded me a whole lot of home. Then we headed back to the hotel and went swimming. Sis and I went to the sauna room and it was insanely hot so we left after 30 seconds. We took the wrong elevator and ended up at a different 6th floor lol. awkward.

Official Day 1 of Vacation.

After an entire day of driving, we are finally beginning our adventure.  Today we went to the town of Banff. I've never seen so many mountains and trees in one day. It was amazing. It was a great experience. We stopped on a edge of the highway and took pictures. The scenery was truly inspiring. Sometimes we need to take a pause in life and enjoy the world around us. I was disappointed that we didn't get to go to the hot spring but then again it was insanely hot today. Next time, in the winter. hehe I can go with my boo. I brought a banff hoodie and a couple of other things. I hope my boo likes his surprise. :') hehe. We went up on those cart things way up into the mountains. It was so amazing up there. I can't even put my feelings into words. The view is still lingering within me. It was amazing. That is all I can say. We also took some pictures at the lakes too. I was scared going up those carts cause we were so high up. I kept thinking "OMG what if we fall". But the scare was worth it. After that we went into downtown Calgary and ate at a restaurant called Harbour City Restaurant. The food was pretty good. I love peppers. 

Time to hit the covers for me too. We're exploring downtown Calgary tomorrow and the Chinatown. Excited :D Worked on my essay for a bit. Goodnight my baby boo. I love you:) talk to you tomorrow. Don't let the panda bugs bite kekekek

Happy birthday mom :) <3 I love you

I'm sorry we all forgot but we love you mother.

I miss my sister :( Wish she was home right now...

Even after a long journey I think I would still end up back here, this place that will always be my home. And I'm proud of it. Memories, family, laughter, joy, sadness, its all here. Sure I would travel and what not but I can't imagine myself living anywhere else other than Winnipeg city. I will forever be a mommy and daddy's girl.

Over the weekend, I was watching tv with my family and my dad just randomly said "so who made these shorts"? In junior high, my sister and I made to sew a pair of shorts as part of our final project and we gave it to daddy. I'm surprise that he wears it because he usually doesn't wear clothes we buy him. So I said "mei mei made it, I made the blue one :D" and then he said " I like them both and I would always wear them." I will forever be tie with them. Wherever I go, whenever I go.

Dad walks in and sees brother playing Ipad
Dad: Timmy, what’s our last name
Me: It’s Chan

Timmy: Chan

Little kids these days :P all they focus on is games and electronics   

You know what annoys me the most? WHEN I'm about to leave and you don't even give me your full attention for just two minutes. LIKE OKAY. I won't next time either. I give you my full attention when YOU leave.

Can't wait til i leave this city in two weeks. PCE OUT.

Have to climb across the mountain to get to the other side

I am stuck in a moment of my life where it comes down to one decision only. Yet I cannot decide because every time I make a decision I ask myself this question. Do I really want to do this for the rest of my life? Personally, I want a career that is meaningful, reflexible, yet at the same time allows me to pay my bills.  It comes down to one of these decisions

Dentistry 
Originally my first intentions about going into this faculty was because my mom wanted me to. After doing some research I realized that I am personally interested in it. It's a really high paying job. (100k+ every year) and very good work hours. I'm also able to give dental care to my family especially my parents because throughout the years they could only afford us to go see a dentist. I admit I am afraid of the work up ahead. Though I am interested I was never a really a good chemistry or physics students and those the first steps to this path. This, I can say is the main reason that's stopping me.

Respiratory Therapy
This path certainly isn't easier than the first one but it doesn't require chem or physics. I'm really interested in biology and human anatomy. If I get in I get the chance to work in the hospital. Part of this career is to specialized in respiratory and breathing. I help people recover from injuries who have trouble breathing. Without breathing there would be no life. I also get to work in the emergency room and children's and infants. Path is hard, nights shifts, and starting pay isn't as high as dentistry. Also after graduating, not a lot of people want to hire a new graduate with no experience so job is also hard to find. I

Pharmacy 
Good pay, easy to find a job, and good working hours. This job will probably be the same for the rest of the career path. Dealing drugs legally every day. Eventually I would get used to it. I want a good stable life and this career suits me the best. This career has good requirement courses and a lot of electives. I can work towards this career and at the same time take courses that interest me. (anatomy and classics)

Environmental Science
Global warming has always plague me. I'm interested in finding ways to make our world a better place to live. Another reason why I'm interested in this career path is the coop program. I get paid while I work, pay for university, and still get my degree. The courses are interesting. I also get to travel to different places and do research. This path is definitely killing two birds with one stone.

I want a career that allows me to wear a white coat. There are the choices that I need to make. Sure I don't need to completely decide on one right now but what about after my third year? fourth year? I know I won't regret any of these career choices because they all fascinate me to the extreme. Who knows, maybe I'll end up in a career path that's not related to any of these. In the future I want to pursue a masters degree at UBC and if I do go that far I want to pursue a PhD at Queens University. I also want to go on an exchange program some point in my life. I want to go to either Korea, Australia, Hong Kong, and or Europe. It would be a good life time experience. I'm also going to work towards earning an interim and I hope it can be New York City. I want to join those student volunteer groups that travel to place to help and lastly I want to go on a student service trip. Sounds far eh?

Things I still got to do over the summer

1. Look up baking recipes 2. Book my road test 3. Apply for a gym pass somewhere for the summer

Lost time is never found again.-Benjamin Franklin

graduation dinner for the night :)

Corsage ♥

will forever keep this memory 

Just finished reading Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks and I really enjoyed it. It was a good book and I'm looking forward for the movie :D

Some quotes from the novel

I've have come to believe that in everyone's life, there's one undeniable moment of change, a set of circumstances that suddenly alters everything. 

Joy was as fleeting as a shooting star that crossed the evening sky, ready to blink out at any moment. 

Next on the list is The best of me also by Nicholas Sparks. I find his books so inspiring! Time to make another trip to chapters buwhahahhah :D in the mean time, time to focus on university for the month. No more lit until August :( or rather more lit time in August :) 

Got lost at the university of Manitoba campus. It was insanely huge >.<

Class of 2012

Gateway Brethren Church

The graduation ceremony was insanely long but insanely wonderful. It felt great yet I felt a sense of sadness singing in the grad choir because I will never be part of sisler’s choir ever again. The feeling was great. I also got an award. I was very nervous but I managed. The sensation was building up intensely inside me and I felt myself grabbing onto my graduation gown. At least I didn’t have to go up alone. Although it was very awkward standing there waiting in front of thousands of eyes. I felt happy that my family brought me flowers but to me their presence there was enough. My auntie also brought me some graduation flowers although I wasn’t home. The thought is what counts the most.

Photo-shoot

Yesterday was also the first time riding in a limo. It was cool! SWAG. We went to Assiniboine Park and the legislative building. It was fun. I enjoy taking pictures with this group of people although my feet were killing me. I am definitely not a heels person. The heat was also awful although it was manageable. 

Fairmont Hotel- The Dinner and Dance

graduation 2012

I still can't believe that I graduated yesterday and just two weeks ago I was still a student there struggling and preparing for final exams. I will miss everyone dearly. Everyone I met in high school was truly a bless and I’m glad that I met them. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to graduate than the group that graduated with me yesterday. The memories that I made at Sisler High will forever carry on with me and my life. I couldn’t have asked for a better high school. Looking at my diploma seems surreal and I can’t believe that four years have gone by already. I still remember the first day of high school and I will forever remember the last day. These days were the beginning and the end of a beautiful chapter of my life. I met long lasting friendships. It still feels like I’m going back there next year. I guess reality hasn’t hit me yet even though I graduated just yesterday. I can go on with this post forever because I truly cannot express the feelings that I’m feeling right now. It’s bittersweet. All I can say is thank you Sisler High School for these wonderful four years. It was truly amazing.    

CLASS OF 2012- Forever Love. 

Don't even know if I should go for it any more... #whack

Dear John Quotes

Finished reading Dear John by Nicholas Sparks and I really enjoyed it. Here are some really inspiring quotes  


If hers are stars in the nighttime sky, mine are the haunted empty spaces in between. 

Its the excitement between the tedious space, and it doesn't matter where it's directed. 

 Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there's nothing to make it last.  

What mattered most was knowing that love was mine to give, without strings or expectations. 

Love should bring joy, it should grant a person peace, but here and now, it was only bringing pain. 

Love?

To my understanding that means pain, joy, laughter, and tears.

I wanted to say that you reply to her in the morning... I wanted to say it so badly... but I won't because these continuous arguments are getting very tiring. Very Very Very tiring. I think I'm just gonna stop from now on.

I thought I was done with his blog because you used my posts against me before in previous agreements. But today I realized how lonely I am and that my life is an endless cycle that I will always come back here. Always come back here...

Instead of recording endless moments of my life, this blog has become a good friend of mine who I can always vent to, who I can always turn to during the deepest, lowest moments 

You're the first person I told when I received my university package today and like so many other things I've said to you before it gets disregarded. #usedtoit I was so happy and enthusiastic when I got it this morning... I've been looking at the package and I have narrowed my courses down. I'm looking at taking 4 class per semester and then 3 in the spring in order to get the 30 credits for the first year. I sense some handwork but good, it will keep my focus. As of now I think I'm going to go into pre-optometry. The courses that I take for this faculty are also courses that fall into my other interested facilities; density, medicine, and science. Also those classes can also help me major in biochemistry and microbiology. What interests me is that after three years of getting my degree here I can apply to The school of Optometry at Waterloo. Well I mean I have to if I want to get a career. But its great. Just three more years. Hang tight Carmen. At this very moment I feel like nothing is really the way it is... I wouldn't say not worth staying because there will always be something/ someone here that I want to stay for but the question is; does that person want me to stay? or leaving is the best for both of us... 

You know a spark is about to die when the effect no longer longs you.  I feel that over the course of the time our love has strengthen but our communication has somewhat been lost along the way. The vows that we once perched each other has simply become a statement to heal the wounds that has been opened. Trust is lost along the way. I thought that our little exchange could be a tie that we can both have in common. But I guess not. Slowly each and every day, those ties are beginning to untie itself. And soon we would be two separate strings again each running parallel, never encountering again.  I feel as though you even lack the effort to send me a smiley face. Like you don't even want to talk. And lately I feel as though you don't even take the time to read what I send you. I feel as though you even lack the effort to sometimes even send me a good morning message like you once did. Even though you aren't actually up in the morning when sending it but the thought of it makes me so happy. The appreciation and thought makes me happy knowing that you think of me before you go to sleep because I do. I want to feel that spark again that I felt last year. The easy going conversations that we used to have. But I know that will never happen again. Time does that to a relationship...

 whiteshell provincial park

maybe I should check this place out sometime over summer. After all I've got nothing better else to do.

You know? haha yeah I don't know any more. Don't know what to think, don't know what to feel haha

Maybe... so.

That Love Comes.

can't do anything right today... just broke my cup ..

Home alone right now. I was going to go to the library today to study for my psychology exam but now since they're all out I have a good decent 2 hours to study.

Give it some time and maybe everything will fall into place. Eventually..

It's funny cause I'm still waiting although I don't know what I'm waiting for anymore...

I actually enjoy this silence.

Woke up to a dream

In my dream I woke up, looked at my iPod and saw good morning message from him. It was like this "good morning :) :) <3" and then I woke up again and realized that it was only just a dream. I checked my iPod and he didn't even bother replying to my last message. I fell asleep last night waiting.

I would much rather get straight up answers instead of a pointless emotion saying "peace". I thought it was really immature. I would rather you tell me straight up what you want instead of saying "go then" or some stupid peace sign. It's not up to me if I want to go or not because of course I want to stay with you forever. I will stay only if you want ME to. I'm not going to beg to stay when I'm no longer welcome. I have dignity and pride. If someone wants me to go I will go. I would rather get a straight up honest answer of what you want instead of some fuzzy one. 

I know that you probably won't message me today. I normally would regardless but... I don't know what to say anymore. I thought that as long as we love each other we can overcome any differences, personalities,  arguments, and obstacles. Is love not strong enough anymore? I love you and I know that you love me and...? It's funny how so much can happen in such short amount of time. Just ten days ago you asked me to be your grad date. Now, I don't know if I'll be even having one. Maybe this was a dream to begin with. A sweet dream, heart warming. But following every good dream is a reality waiting for you. 

I know I'm at fault too as how our relationship is turning it out to be. If I could go back in time I wish I could have done things differently or reacted to things differently. But I know I can't. I don't have a time machine. The question that has left me hanging since last night is what now?

Without a sound. Without a word.

I have went back and deleted most of the negative posts that I once felt. I only want to be left with the good ones because those are the ones that I want to take with me. 

If life takes us far, will we cross the same path again?

When words fail to speak, silence takes it's place.

The perfect day

June 01/12 Friday.

It was our four months :)

It was such a pleasant day today. First he was early at school :) and we met up at the library. I then went to do a book quiz and he took the chance and left me a rose in accounting. hehe I thought that was the only one but when I went to psychology class I received another one. When I walked in I was :O!! He went to the wash room during accounting and planned this. :D And then during lunch hour I went to guidance. He took the chance to give a rose to his friend so she could leave it for me in physics. I went to English and saw another one and I was 100% there would be one in physics. He is sooo cheesy. What really surprised me the most today was after school. I was so bored in physics.
When the bell rang after school I heard someone said his name and I was really happy because he's there waiting for me:) He was holding a dozen roses waiting for me and he asked me to be his grad date. HEHEHEHHEHEEHEHHE that was the most cheesy-est moment of my life!!! It worked out so perfectly. <3 We went to A & W to eat and chilled at his place after. <3

Today was the perfect day,

Happy four months Cheesecake :) I love you

You mean everything to me <3

a million different possibilities but the main question to me is

why?

What does it mean to live?

I love my boyfriend <3 :)

Was it worth staying up? Or should I have just gone to bed?...

I really want to think that I'm over thinking but gotta expect and be prepare for the worse.

Happy mother's day :) to all mothers out there I want to take a walk somewhere but here? I want to. Just to clear my mind and sort things out. I want to go somewhere

Before this day comes to an end I want to

leave a bit of memory about today.

At Chinese school today I wrote my final and last exam I will ever write in Chinese School. It’s odd. Life is odd in so many different ways. It’s odd after going to Chinese School for 14 years and today you’re done. Like you’re actually done. No more exams to study for, no more waking up on early on Saturdays and no more Chinese New year celebrations, drama acting and activity days at Chinese school. I’m done. I’m free. It’s over. It’s actually over. Honestly, I laugh more at Chinese school than I do sometimes in High School. In a way I can relate and connect to them more. It was a very honourable experience. I got a lot out of it. It was certainly a gift to me. I’m thankful for that. I think after I graduate I will go back and student teach. I want to share that gift that was once given to me to others.

Blissful yet a day of bad luck.

It’s mother’s day and so my sister and I bussed to polo to pick her out a purse. We took bus 12 which goes to polo. We thought we found a short cut by taking this bus but the bus ended up going around in a big circle. When we got there all the purses we saw were either a) white b) too expensive or c) odd looking style. We took longer than we thought it would take. We ended up buying her a pair of sandals at Spring. They accept SPC cards there but my sister didn’t have her student ID so we had to pay full price. Our bus transfer expired. We go back to the bus stop and saw the bus leave right in front of our eyes. Bus 11 came and it stops at city hall and so we went on. We were hoping to fake our expired transfers but the bus driver checked and we paid him before he found out that it was expired. The bus stopped at every traffic light and nearly every bus stop. Finally back in Chinatown. We went into the lobby of my grandma’s apartment and we pressed the elevator. All of a sudden we heard laughing and talking and we see our mother, grandma and Timmy coming. The elevator opened and we ran across and jumped in. Timmy saw us. This part was rather funny lol. We were going to surprise her. The irony of life. 

TANK ＊專屬天使 LYRICS

Inspired song of the night.
Soundtrack of Taiwanese Drama- Hani Kimi 

我不會怪你　對我的偽裝　天使在人間是該藏好翅膀
人們愚蠢魯莽　而妳纖細善良　怎能讓妳為了我被碰傷

小小的手掌　厚厚的溫暖　妳總能平復我不安的夜晚
不敢想的夢想　透過妳的眼光　我才看見它原來在前方

＊沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　妳是我的專屬天使　唯我能獨佔
　沒有誰能取代妳在我心上　擁有一個專屬天使　我哪裡還需要別的願望

小小的手掌　大大的力量　我一定也會像妳一樣飛翔
妳想去的地方　就是我的方向　有我保護笑容儘管燦爛

Repeat ＊

要不是妳出現　我一定還在沉睡　絕望的以為　生命只有黑夜

Quote of the night

"Expectation is the root of all heartache"- William Shakespeare

I worry

Each and every day I worry about something. Whether if it’s getting a good mark on a upcoming test, getting picked on in English class or not seeing him in accounting. I let these emotions get the best of me. I’m a lost soul in this generation. I’m looking for a light to show me a path. I thought I found that light and … maybe I did, but I don’t know anymore. The path ahead of me seems darken again. It seems really dark this time. I’m scared. I’m scared of what may happen. Perhaps I’m just overthinking but I’m scared. I want to graduate. I want to treat my family out to dim sum, get marry and maybe have kids. I want to take my parents on a cruise and sleep on my bed with curtains. I want to watch little Timmy grow up. I want to see my sister graduate next year. I want to go to university and accelerate in my field. All seems dark now, my life and what’s ahead.

When you can’t grasp onto something just let it go and watch it go. This world is diversity to everyone in every way. Maybe I’m not your light and you’re not mine. Maybe the light is slowly burning out. 

Maybe if you try fixing it, the flames will burn into your skin and melt your flesh, bit by bit. Maybe it’s better to just let it burn out.

Maybe I’m almost done my story. Maybe I’m nearing the last few pages. Maybe tomorrow is the last page.

I don’t know what to say. What’s left of me contains only worries and sorrows. Maybe I should just give up.    

Finally got my university acceptance letter yesterday :)

Been craving it for so longg

Quote of the night

" A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have "- unknown 

I remember once upon a time I wanted to go to Queen's University because I want to live in a castle.

Now I realize that I'm far from reality.

A little glimpse of today

Head hurts right now.  I think I'm getting sick...

Today wasn't a bad day overall. I learn that no matter what happens just smile because there's nothing you can't overcome. The day will still go on, life still goes on except time. It will eventually run out. I'm 18 right now and in ten years I'll be 28. It's scary when you think of it that way but maybe you have already reached your half way point and that you only have half a life left to complete your goals and dreams, to reach that bar.

My parents are getting my sister and I a credit card. No need to worry about not having enough money now despite the fact that I have to pay them back after but it lessens the worry of not having enough cash at hand. I feel grown up. The downside of today was coming home and not receiving any messages from him because it was the part of the day that I look forward to the most. It killed a little inside. Just a little bit.  

Lunch of the day ^_^

I brought a hot dog!                                                                             

Passed by here!

Coral Reefs and Dinosaurs

more animals :D