My day yesterday and today:


I didn't blog last night because well, I wasn't really in the mood to do so after what happened. But the morning was pretty great yesterday. We did our story presentations and I actually did OK to my surprise. I plan to make a recording of it maybe. My past presentations were fails. Well to me it was. I had a lot to say but when I'm up there in front of a lot of people I tend to blank out :/ That's why it always ends up not going too well. I hope my presentation on Tuesday for English goes well. I kinda want to skip physics on tomorrow :/ Today, right now, I'm doing my physics homework. Doing my physics homework makes me depressed because I keep thinking back to the test we did last week. NOW THAT WAS A FAIL! NO JOKE D:


So last night, I asked him how he thinks about me and this is what he said
"theres time when you think life is beautiful and then theres times when you hate living i think... you have a weak mentality you let things get to you easily. i think you have the potential to be really smart but you get lazy sometimes you can get really mad at people but you also forgive alot."


And I cannot disagree with him because it's true......

So I told him directly last night. And I kind of got rejected. Kay well he said he’s not ready or something. But I’m glad in a way that I did it. I’d rather regret telling him than not telling him at all. If I never told him I would never know what the answer may be. Although he didn’t exactly give me the answer I wanted but I expected it in a way so I wasn’t surprised. I don’t know what gave me the courage to say it last night. I guess there is a first time for everything.

I’m starting to think that everything he said to me before was fake.

Last night he finished his story about him and Michelle. They broke up. He brought her flowers during the last week of school before Christmas break. She was really happy. Even though they ended but he still liked her for the following 10 months. Wow this hurts. Now that I think back to it everything he said to me links to her in a way. Like when he asked me to buy him flowers. I’m so stupid. I really am. No matter how much effort I put into it, it will never replace the spot he has for her inside his heart.

Although the knot inside me is gone but I had to cut it in order to pull it apart. It hurts. It hurts so much. Everything up until this point was just a dream. But how can I just move on like that? I want to avoid him for the rest of the semester and just let everything between us die away. I want everything back to how it was at the very beginning of this semester. Every time I saw him reminds me of all the tender moments we had. It makes me smile but at the same time it hurts. I think it’s really time to wake up from this dream. I woke up crying this morning which was kind of dumb. But after I cry I tend to feel better. Maybe that's why I always cry. It did hurt last night. I can’t say that I’m okay because I’m not but I know I will be. I just need sometime. A lot of time actually.