Foolish Dreams

LOL I just read back a few blog entries from like a year ago and LMAO such dreams I had. LOL move to Toronto and work at the CN tower and go sing karaoke at the Chinatown and eat noodles. Go shopping at Pacific Mall!! Go to Alaska. That's great =D HAHAAH It sounds great and so happy too. But I should really distinguish between reality and dreams. Especially moving to Toronto its not as easy.  LMAO to be honest I'd rather go live in B.C. It's a goal I have set for myself. But anyhow Winnipeg is my home and I love it. I love my friends. I love Sisler. I love my family. I love my computer. I even love my stupid Kitchen. It would be nice though to get out of here once in awhile and see this world. Toronto is great. It really is. Well minus traffic issues. Everything is highway and I can't fricken drive... HAHA reading back some of these old entries made me LOL... hahah. I feel better. I'll say goodnight to chemistry for now. At least I got through half the questions.. kinda :S Goodnight world. Goodnight everyone. 

The Beginning

Its funny how easily someone can just walk into your life and how easily they can just walk out. The endings that end slowly are the most painful endings of all. Everyday just seems like a drag until slowly everything just ends without having to say the very last word. What we once had just faded away like it never happened at all. What's left are like pieces that don't fit into an unfinished 
puzzle. One day you have to give up, buy a new one and eventually having to start all over again...... 


So that  ^^is what I did when exams were near last semester or last year rather I  started typing out a story. lol  I only got to like chapter 2 and I gave up. I think I should continue it. I have a lot of inspiration right now. But really I'd rather be doing something else. But I guess sometimes in life you can't always do/have what you want. Once you messed up something up its over. There's no pulling back no matter how hard you try to. It will never be the same again. It hurts its all I can say. It really does. The ache that you feel. Is it even possible to own something that doesn't belong to you? Like I don't know.. Every time you talk to me now it always seems to be sad.. And I feel sad about it and I should. I can't seem to understand myself because my feelings almost always varies that's why I can never decide on things. Or once I decide on something I have second thoughts and seriously this is really screwing me over.It's okay because it seems like he doesn't want to talk any more. I remember him saying "until that day comes I will reply" I guess that day came.. You know. It sucks. It hurts. Its not okay but its okay because I can live through it. It hurts now but it will be over. Everything ends. Everyone ends up leaving anyway. Its life.  I can't seem to know what he's thinking about any more. As long as he's happy.   

I don't believe anything anyone says to me any more

Why do I kept coming back here? Because there's no one else that I can talk to that's why. Or rather no one wants to talk to me.. Its ironic. I named this blog 幸福的一頁 meaning a page full of happiness but nowadays nothing happy seems to be worth blogging about.. That's why I'm always afraid to be happy because it always goes away. At least that's what it seems like ): I don't even know. Everything is lies. Pure lies. I don't care any more. Do what makes you happy. Just be it. I get it. I understand. Its okay.... What does it matter? Forget and forget. Like I can't even use homework to keep my mind off things. Got stuck on this fricken chemistry question and I took my sadness out on it. I'm so sensitive. I get affected and distracted way too easily. Its so bad.. Should I just sleep?... *sigh ): What does it mean to live?

that awkward moment when someone is staring at you staring into space

so awkward.. I fricken zoned out in the kitchen and my sister was staring at me. I don't feel like doing anything. I can't even seem to focus even if I wanted to do my homework. ): this sucks.. I'm not in the mood. I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like doing anything. I don't even feel like blogging right now but there's nothing else to do. I have a ton of homework waiting for me but to be honest I'm not in the mood to do it. I should just ignore the things that don't matter and focus on the things that does matter. But what matters?

It's like I'm walking down this long road looking for a right stop. Every time I think that I have arrived something always kicks me back out. I'm done trying. I really am this time. I give up. Its like a knot that can't seem to untie itself. Its bothering me so much. Tears that can't come out." When a proud heart is hurt, friendship is the best medicine" - Shakespeare. Pain will go away. Its just a matter of time. Sadness will go away once you encounter something that makes you happy. Everything and everyone goes away. Nothing stays.#reality 


I must be stronger. But sometimes its just so much easier being weak

I don't feel like myself lately

"JUST AS THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE STEP, EVERY STORY EVER WRITTEN BEGAN WITH JUST ONE SENTENCE." -novel first sentences


Is it because that I'm stressed? I don't know. 


I got pissed at myself today because in precal we had another a/c and I got 3/4. I got the last question wrong because I forgot to switch the variables around!!! :@ I'm never going to make that mistake again.!! -_-" And that person [ don't even know her name] that sits behind me in that class keeps kicking my chair. SO fricken annoying :@ I was so tempted to turn around and tell her to stop but ugh she marks my accountability checks... -___-" Choir was so awkward today! Ms.Boyes made all the grade 12 altos go up. Awkward!! yeaaahh 


I shall do chem now. bye