Thursday, September 8, 2011
I just feel bad.. like seriously... D:
Like seriously...... ))): I feel so sad.. I don't know what to do... Feels like he doesn't even want to talk to me even as a friend.. I don't know he just seems sad and what not.. Ugh why do I fail so much like seriously..... effffffffff can we like not even be friends now?? ): well I don't blame him. I'm such a sad person. I wish there was a different solution to this... He already seems stressed out because of moving and now it feels like I'm adding to his stress... why am I like this? why I can't I do something well for once in life. Why does it feel like that I'm always hurting the ones that care about me the most? .....
Do things always get worse before they get any better?
Today was a better day I must say! Things in terms of school is falling into a routine and I'm starting to get used to it. I actually like chemistry at the moment. Maybe its because all he did was talk... I kind of like my class too. I'm sitting with Kim [omggg this is going to be an interesting class] and Jessica. I'm actually really worried about all my classes especially English.. Maybe its because it was never really my strength. The teacher kind of scares me toooo~~ :S If I had a choice I would drop but then if I drop it I can't take English trans second semester as I need English 40S in order to take it... -_-" I seriously don't have the confidence for that class. I can't compose anything like seriously -_-" And the class is over populated too. Wish the class was smaller. It makes learning easier. Hope English works out.. I actually miss Ms.Krawchuk... She doesn't scared me as much as Tulner S: although she marks hard but I think he's gonna mark 10 times as hard. I don't feel ready at all :S
My lunch hour was awesome in a way. I miss say I miss Mandy and Aaron. Lunch hours without them is not the same. It seems a lot more quiet and empty.. I miss them I must say.
He seems sad... Is it because of me??? I feel bad ): Life is weird. Just like 3 days ago we were talking and now BAM.. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.. I want him to be happy but I don't think I'm the one to give him the happiness. I don't know. Maybe its just me but he seems sad or down... or something. If the stuff that has happened us didn't happen at all maybe things would be different right now.. I don't know. I don't regret because it was once what I wanted. I didn't know it would lead up to this. Maybe I should have handle this differently. I did such a bad job of it. It feels kind of awkward to even be friends. I don't even know what to say to him in class. I feel bad because it seems like I don't want to talk to him but really I just don't know what to say. Dang.. I screwed up big time... EFFFFFFFF
This kind of reminds me of last summer. summer of 2010. Although it was nothing like this. Not even close. I met this guy at this place I used to go to for math tutoring. He was about 4 years older than me. He helped me with math and I found out that he went to Sisler. Of course I didn't know him because I was in gr9 at that time and he was graduating that year. I didn't like him or anything. Kay, this might sound creepy but over the summer I had a lot of time in my hand. I searched him up and added him on facebook. I don't even remember how I knew his last name. I added him and inbox him asking if me remembers me and what not. And so that started a conversation that lasted about 1 and a half months? Fast forward here comes school. Grade 11 precal started rough on me. I didn't understand how to graph the sine and cosine shit. So I asked him for help and he actually offered to meet up at the library to help me. I was like wow he's nice. But I don't know I guess things just went ehhhh. He even offered to help me again although the second time around I wasn't so interested.. So yea we stopped talking over the inbox all together. I even stopped going to that math place. [ my grades actually got better after I stopped going. Maybe its just me] I don't know.... Life is weird.
But that is way different compared to this summer. I don't know what to do... I don't want to avoid it any more. He seems down and I can't help but to feel that its because of me. :/ I don't handle these stuff well and I know that from past experience... D: Maybe this is indicating that I'm designated to be forever alone...
My lunch hour was awesome in a way. I miss say I miss Mandy and Aaron. Lunch hours without them is not the same. It seems a lot more quiet and empty.. I miss them I must say.
He seems sad... Is it because of me??? I feel bad ): Life is weird. Just like 3 days ago we were talking and now BAM.. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.. I want him to be happy but I don't think I'm the one to give him the happiness. I don't know. Maybe its just me but he seems sad or down... or something. If the stuff that has happened us didn't happen at all maybe things would be different right now.. I don't know. I don't regret because it was once what I wanted. I didn't know it would lead up to this. Maybe I should have handle this differently. I did such a bad job of it. It feels kind of awkward to even be friends. I don't even know what to say to him in class. I feel bad because it seems like I don't want to talk to him but really I just don't know what to say. Dang.. I screwed up big time... EFFFFFFFF
This kind of reminds me of last summer. summer of 2010. Although it was nothing like this. Not even close. I met this guy at this place I used to go to for math tutoring. He was about 4 years older than me. He helped me with math and I found out that he went to Sisler. Of course I didn't know him because I was in gr9 at that time and he was graduating that year. I didn't like him or anything. Kay, this might sound creepy but over the summer I had a lot of time in my hand. I searched him up and added him on facebook. I don't even remember how I knew his last name. I added him and inbox him asking if me remembers me and what not. And so that started a conversation that lasted about 1 and a half months? Fast forward here comes school. Grade 11 precal started rough on me. I didn't understand how to graph the sine and cosine shit. So I asked him for help and he actually offered to meet up at the library to help me. I was like wow he's nice. But I don't know I guess things just went ehhhh. He even offered to help me again although the second time around I wasn't so interested.. So yea we stopped talking over the inbox all together. I even stopped going to that math place. [ my grades actually got better after I stopped going. Maybe its just me] I don't know.... Life is weird.
But that is way different compared to this summer. I don't know what to do... I don't want to avoid it any more. He seems down and I can't help but to feel that its because of me. :/ I don't handle these stuff well and I know that from past experience... D: Maybe this is indicating that I'm designated to be forever alone...
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