Woke up to a dream

In my dream I woke up, looked at my iPod and saw good morning message from him. It was like this "good morning :) :) <3" and then I woke up again and realized that it was only just a dream. I checked my iPod and he didn't even bother replying to my last message. I fell asleep last night waiting.

I would much rather get straight up answers instead of a pointless emotion saying "peace". I thought it was really immature. I would rather you tell me straight up what you want instead of saying "go then" or some stupid peace sign. It's not up to me if I want to go or not because of course I want to stay with you forever. I will stay only if you want ME to. I'm not going to beg to stay when I'm no longer welcome. I have dignity and pride. If someone wants me to go I will go. I would rather get a straight up honest answer of what you want instead of some fuzzy one. 

I know that you probably won't message me today. I normally would regardless but... I don't know what to say anymore. I thought that as long as we love each other we can overcome any differences, personalities,  arguments, and obstacles. Is love not strong enough anymore? I love you and I know that you love me and...? It's funny how so much can happen in such short amount of time. Just ten days ago you asked me to be your grad date. Now, I don't know if I'll be even having one. Maybe this was a dream to begin with. A sweet dream, heart warming. But following every good dream is a reality waiting for you. 

I know I'm at fault too as how our relationship is turning it out to be. If I could go back in time I wish I could have done things differently or reacted to things differently. But I know I can't. I don't have a time machine. The question that has left me hanging since last night is what now?

Without a sound. Without a word.

I have went back and deleted most of the negative posts that I once felt. I only want to be left with the good ones because those are the ones that I want to take with me.