Melissa's FOOD :)

It was really good :D

My beautiful bag of pretzels! 

Studying chemistry last night at 1am! 

Kim Hyun Joong (SS501) - Please

kay so ...
I really like this song right now :)
After watching playful kiss I'm like in love with Kim Hyun Joong.

In physics today Mr. Richards said that today is our last Friday class for physics. He said to me that “yesterday felt like the first day and I asked you to sit beside me”. So many things had changed since then. It went by so fast but in a way I’m relief. Exactly one month ago today we were watching a video in physics class. He was holding my hands during the video and he asked me to come closer because he said that he had something to tell me but instead he gave me a kiss on the forehead. Now exactly one month later today, he’s with someone else and we don’t even really talk anymore. Outside of physics class it’s like we’re strangers. But I guess that it’s better that way. I still mean what I said before. If he’s happy then I’m happy. I do feel happy that he has found someone but it just never really occurred to me that it would be at this time. In just one weekend he literally stops talking to me on msn and after school. He starts wearing his glasses, texts in class and he actually wears colour clothing now. I don’t mean that in a bad way. I have nothing against his clothing style. He just seems really different to me now. It’s almost like he changed into an entire different person in just one weekend. It’s almost like a drama. I can’t wait until exams are over! I want to start watching dramas again!

Chemistry part one cumulative today. I could have done better ): I will study more for the long answers part and try to bring up the marks. I really want to take enriched chemistry next year. I will go for it. To be honest, I actually really like chemistry. I wish that I didn’t slack off so much this semester. 

Endings lead to new beginnings. Let's forget that it ever happened.

I don't need him to tell me the answer any more. I already know it. It's just that the past few days I kept convincing that it's not like that when clearly it is. And guess what? My life feels lighter now. It's like I finally let go of a heavy luggage that I've been carrying for so long. I just don't like the fact that just because he's decided to be with her doesn't mean he should just stop talking to me. I mean like we can still be friends. But yea... whatever. I don't think at this point it really matters any more. He lives his life and I live mine. It's like we never met. And everything that we once had I'm going to leave it behind and start afresh. Since he already left it behind there really is no point of me still holding on. I just find it disappointing that he can just forget everything like that. LOL It probably meant nothing to him at all. So yea. All I want to do now is move on with life (which I am already) and do well on my final exams. Right now my number one goal is to make the grades for enriched chemistry next year. I'm only 4% away. I will study and relearn everything. Especially physics I seriously got to relearn everything. But I can do it. I never underestimated my abilities in school. I was just always really lazy. My mark in English went up :)

The only thing that I'm not looking forward to over summer is that my dad is making me do the redo redo exam for bronze cross. EFF THAT!

I miss talking to you. I honestly just can’t get over this.. LIKE HOW CAN YOU JUST STOP TALKING TO SOMEONE? WITHOUT a reason too. I’m sad. I’m really sad. Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry if I really do something but just tell me. Please. You don’t even know how much I want to message you right now. But knowing that you don’t want to talk to me makes me really sad. It really does.

Finally finished my commentary. (y)  Oh well. Who cares if it sucks. I gave up in English a long time ago.

So me and my friends were on skype like one hour ago. It’s so complicated. I don’t remember it being 

so complicated with I skype with him back then like two or three times. But then again he was the one always calling me…. 

Getting Over Him.

I always repeat myself but honestly at this very moment I still can’t believe that he stopped talking to me. It’s like he doesn’t even want anything to do with me more anymore. I wish that he would tell me what’s weird in this life right now. I thought we had that trust. I guess not. Maybe he never even believed me in the first place. Sometimes in physics he seems sad to even sit beside me. That really hurts. I wanted this month to be the best but now it’s the worst. I wanted a hug on the very last day but he won’t even talk to me. I’m still wondering if it’s something I did… Does he hate me that much? Is it that hard for him to say hi at least? I will ask him again. I honestly will. I can’t just let it go like this. Let go as in how can he just leave me like that? He just stops talking. What did I ever do? Can you please tell me O.B?

Anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRISHA VERA! Hope you had a great one with many more years to come and celebrate. Lunch with friends was awesome today. We took pictures of Aaron and Trisha. That totally made my day. I love my friends and sister. I’m at such a bad timeline in my life right now and they’re here for me. They show that they care and listens to me. I think this whole thing is actually making me become a stronger person.

Time to go write my English Commentary on Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas. 

This is the last day I will cry because of him. That was so stupid. I went into my sister's room just to lie down, talk and feel better but I ended up crying. I didn't even realize that I was crying until I felt the tears. I'm so stupid sometimes. I thought I sorted my thoughts out but really I didn't. I think my sister was a bit shock and didn't know what to say because I just started crying. It was awkward in a way but I'm glad that it's her and not him. Now that would be awkward. After today I will get serious about exams. And then summer will come and I will do a lot of things and forget him because he probably will forget me. Even though it hurts so much right now but I will get through this. I need to and I have to. I don't know. I just never thought that it would hurt this much. I think I fell too hard this time and it's going to take me a while to get back up. I thought that one day something negative does happen I can just be like "whatever" and be okay with it and move it. Now I realized that I can't. I didn't know that I actually like him this much. haha. I always make a fool of myself. I thought that if I wait long enough he would eventually see it. What was I thinking? I should remember my past relationships with guys and why they didn't work out. It's kind of funny how he can just move on so fast and forget me already. I never been this sad in my entire life but I will get over it. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY dongwoon

At this very moment, I still can’t believe that he’s doing this to me. Why did this dream turn into a nightmare? One month ago I was very happy with him and now…. I don’t know why I’m repeating myself but honestly, did all those moments mean nothing to him at all? Not even one little bit? How can he just stop talking to me and just move on like that? I’m not blind in chemistry you know. You make it so secretive and yet you make it so obvious. All I did was give you my time, my effort and my feelings. And you’re giving me this? You know if you guys have something going on than just tell me. It makes me seem like the bad person. I asked you and you tell me you can't say it. You're just making it more obvious. I feel so unlucky. I wish I never met you if I know from day one that you were going to put me through this. I’d rather we just stay as classmates from day one. But why did you have to start talking to me and then you stop talking to me. I have feelings too. It seems like you’re just playing with them. Now that you’re bored of it you leave. I feel like a fool for believing all the things you said to me back then. How I’m lucky to you or something and that I should always be with you. If anything else good that can happen during someone’s sleep I wish they happen to you. LIES. You are such a liar. I am such a loser for believing your lies. If you don’t mean something then don’t say it! It can mean a lot to the other person you’re saying it to. You don’t appreciate anything I do for you and take me for granted. All those nights I stayed up waiting for you because you “BRB”. I don’t appreciate it. I could care less. Thanks for putting me through this. I learn never to believe guys like you ever again. I gave you time that I will never get back. Thanks for ruining grade 11 for me. I do not appreciate it JERK. 

OUR BUBBLE TEA! 

My salad this morning. I'm being a healthy person now :D 

What a good day. Haven't been this relief in a while. I guess it's because I kind of sorted my thoughts out. But if anything I still want to be friends but it seems like he doesn't want to have anything to do with me at all. Life is so weird. It's funny how someone can just randomly walk into your life and leaving you with so many memories. Then they just randomly leave you. It's so unexplained.

Went to Garden City today to buy presents for Trisha's birthday!! It was fun I must say :) We brought her a huge card and food. And then we chilled at Asia city after. We went to some park and then we walked to Aaron's house. OMG the weather was such a pain. NO JOKE. HAHA! I must say I had a great time. Having friends that you can depend on is awesome. :)

I finally had the courage to go ask him. It didn’t exactly get anywhere but at least I know that there is something. He told me that can’t tell me and that he’s at a weird point in his life right now. After he said that he just went offline….. So there is something. Sometimes I hate how he always leaves me hanging. I’m more curious now but I think I should stop persuading the answer. It really seems like he doesn’t want to talk about it. I shouldn’t bring it up just to sort out my own personal feelings. So for now, I think I should just end it at that. For now that is. I should study well for exams and just talk about it later. Last night, I honestly don’t know how to thank my friend Roger. He gives really good advice and opinions and as a friend I can tell that he really cares about you. His questions really makes me think. Am I really willing to still wait for him after all this time even though the outcome may not be to my benefit? Everyone is telling me to just give up and move on. Well, I’m not really those type of people that let others beliefs influence me. But this time, I think they are right. I think I should let go. Not just for him but for me as well. Can I really be with a guy that is unsure of his own feelings towards you? There’s no point in waiting for a guy that is always unsure. One day he will be sure and will eventually leave you or it can be the other way around. I want someone that is willing to take care of me and doesn’t make me wait all the time. I don’t mind the waiting a whole lot but sometimes those waiting hours makes me wonder if I mean anything at all. I should move on.   

Waiting

I still hope that when someone messages me and the light blinks, I still hope that it’s you. I know that that’s going to happen anymore. What happened? Is it really just me? I really need to talk to him. I need to get things straight. I told myself not to think about it and just forget about him but I can’t. I want to have a heart to heart conversation first at least. In just one weekend we became so distinct. I just want to know if it’s something I did.  Everything is just so hard on me right now. Is it really just me overthinking this? Maybe it’s not even like that. I don’t want to assume or guess that’s why I’ve decided to ask. I should have did that last week instead of waiting until now. But it’s better late than never right? I don’t want to blog about this anymore but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what to do. My thoughts are screwing me over right now. The more I tell myself not to think about it the more I end up thinking about it. Every day I think about it. It’s just bothering me a lot now because it just seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. My sister is right. This needs to be sorted out. No matter how painful that conversation may be, I have to do it. I really have to.

Something about toady: Chinese school was fun today! We had this tongue twister contest thingy (which was kind of lame no offence) but our class made it fun. HAHA *inside joke. HAHA I must say one of the best classes ever. Too bad it’s coming to an end next week. I guess everything happy does come to an end. Perhaps it can be the beginning to a new start and going through a new door of happiness. 

I watched a Millionaire's first love again. The ending still breaks my heart. 

I want to move on, but I can’t. I don’t want to. I’m just disappointed. I’m disappointed that he doesn’t message me anymore. Maybe I should message him first for once instead of always assuming that he will message me first. I just don’t want to annoy him. He told me once that I can message him anytime if I wanted to. I was always just too hesitant and scared. But now, even if I do want to talk to him he doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t want to risk him telling me that he’s going to BRB and then not coming back. I was really sad that night. He won’t even talk to me now. I sometimes wonder if he ever liked me maybe even just for one second. All those close moments that we had. Did all those really mean nothing to him? All those hugs and those kisses on the cheek, did he not feeling anything at all? All those moments mean a lot to me. Every time I pass by that hallway, these memories would creep up. Did you really forget? Or did it just mean nothing to you at all? Do you want to forget about me already? Maybe you already had forgotten about me. But I still remember you because at this moment, I still like you. I still do.  

I didn’t go on the computer last night. That is a good start for studying for my cumulative and exams which is quite soon. I only went on the computer back then to talk to him. Now that he doesn’t really talk to me anymore, I just don’t see the point of going on. It’s funny.  A huge difference has occurred one week ago until now.  I feel so distinct from him and he feels like a stranger to me. It’s like the connection that I once had with him is gone. Is it replaced? It’s kind of sad. I have to let go not because I want to but because I have to and I should. His appearance into my life was so unexpected and so is his disappearance. It’s like all the memories we once had never even existed. It’s like we never met. But every now and then when I see him I still hope that there is going to be a change. My heart still skips a beat when I see him. Every time I pass that physics hallway I would think about all the hugs he gave me. To be honest I miss that feeling but I have to let that feeling go because it was never mine to begin with…….

We had our solutions test today in Chemistry. It was okay but I have to admit, I had no idea about the theory part. I hope I passed.

It’s sunny outside again. He must be in a good mood right now.  

I just got home from our take note concert. I must say it was amazing. I’m so glad I went because it was a really great experience. Everyone performed really well. AND OMGOMGOMG guess who I saw there? I saw the guy that I used to like back then in junior high!! OMG Like I never really imagined seeing him there again. It’s so awesome seeing him again!! Like honestly I still can’t believe it! The last time I saw him was like 3 years ago. I actually thought of him being there because I heard that he sings in the choir. I just never expected to actually see him. HAHA!! It was a great night. I went to Portage Place with sister, Mayanne, Trisha and Daniel to get food. We got free food from dad! (y) OMMGGG I still can’t believe I saw him today. I must say he still looks cute.

I guess sometimes things that are the most unexpected are the greatest. As for me and him I honestly don’t even know what to say. It all just disappeared over the weekend for some reason. I admit this hurts a lot but life goes on. I don’t want to judge him or my friends to judge him because they only heard my side of the story. I would like to hear his side of the story as well if I ever get that chance. I really want to thank my friends for being there for me last night. It was a really bad night for me but it made me realized that someone that means so much to you can just lose interest in one night. I learn never to fall for a guy until you really get to know what type of person he really is. Is he really worth your time? I don’t regret anything. I’m just disappointed and sad but hey! It’s not the end of the world. Someday I will meet the guy of my life. I hope he meets the girl of his life too. Even though we’re not really on a good note but I still want him as a friend. 

Good morning June. 

I can't fall asleep. Why is he doing this to me? He said brb last night and I waited for him. I waited for 6 hours. And then he just went offline without even saying bye... My friends told me to sleep but I said that he would come back. But he didn't. Is he mad at me? Did I do something wrong? All of a sudden he just stopped talking to me. Ignoring me. Why is he putting me through this path? I like him so much but I never asked him to return these feelings. I've never been this hurt before by a guy. Being in this process makes me not want to like anyone ever again. I just want to know why he's like this all of a sudden. It's hurts... It hurts a lot. 

The weather outside right now is so gloomy. It kind of makes me think. I don’t know why but it does.

We haven’t really been talking for the past few days. I don’t know what happened but we just gradually not talk as much. We barely even say a sentence to each other now. I think he lost interest in me. I can’t seem to find anything to talk to him about anymore. Sometimes it feels like I only exist when he needs something from me or when he thinks of me more than a friend. I don’t want to sound rude or anything but that’s how I feel. I hope I’m wrong because to me he doesn’t seem like those type of people. I don’t even know what I’m doing. Everything just seems so different now. To be honest, I miss what we had before. I find it so hard to talk to him now. But it’s better to realize it now than later. I was really hoping that something would change within these last few days and it did. It feels like we grew more distant from each other. To be honest, the end of this month was a really depressing week for me. Not in terms of him but in terms of everything. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I want him in my life but I guess some things just aren’t meant to be. You know. It’s not like I didn’t try, I did. But now I’m just at the point where I don’t know if I should just move on or not. I think I’m just making him bored in physics now. If I could go back in time I would still like to meet him. This time of my life was special. At least it was special to me.