OMG

As if he messaged me on msn last night! OMMMGG but then he went offline. Why does he always have to do that? Like really? It's like he's popping in and out of my life. He is way too hard to predict.. Well today is the beginning of days without him. Day 1

I am loving life right now LOL! Woke up this morning and play computer/ piano. I'm trying to learn perfect love right now :) Its complicated in a way but I got through the first line. Went to grandma's after. Me and sister went to the YMCA to work out. Well we kind of did. We played basketball for a bit and then we went jogging! Got food from dad's afterwards lol!

Kay, is it just me or is it burning hot in this house? EW LOL I thought I had to do that swimming crap today but guessed not. Dad went and got 80% of the money back. I felt bad in a way. I guess I over reacted. I wasted 30 bucks...

0330 PIANO

I'm trying to learn this and it's like super hard. Well only the left hand part. The right hand part isn't a problem for me. It's the left hand! It's so hard to stay in rhythm!

Secret Garden

I wish my life was like a drama. Then I can just skip to the last episode and see if this is all worth it..


I'm back into my drama mode again. I started watching Korean drama secret garden today and I  love it. It's really good so far and it's funny! 


My physics exam wasn't too bad today. I wish I studied off the test more instead of the textbook because half of the questions on the exam were questions from our test... -_-" I was really surprised today because he said good luck to me before the exam. I honestly wasn't expecting anything from him. I just wanted to see him today. After today I don't know when he'll ever talk to me again. I guess the end is actually really today. I'm going to miss him. HAHA I was cleaning out my binder and I came across this ( the picture on the left) I remember playing tic tac toe with him. Good times <3 I wonder if I'll have any classes with him next year. I wanted to say good luck to him too today but when I saw him my words got lost, like always. There is something about him that always drags me back. I wonder what he is doing right now.  


Two more suffering days for me. I can make it. Screw this swimming thing because of it I have to wake up early!! 

I honestly should move on. It's obvious that he is with someone else. I accept that but parts of me still waits for him. I still go on msn but only appearing online to him. I used to do that all the time that way when the light blinks I always know that it would be him and only him. Probably all the time I spend waiting for him he's probably talking to someone else. It hurts when I think about it that way.... It's not that easy to just let go you know. I mean after an entire semester with him. It's really hard. It really is.

I am seriously going to fail my physics exam tomorrow. It's impossible for me to relearn an entire semester worth of physics. No joke. Why is my life so tragic? FML ! I honestly understand nothing!! ITS SO FRUSTRATING!!!!! -_-"

Wow can't believe our physics class is actually over now. Thinking back to it our first class felt like yesterday and everything that has happen since then. Throughout this entire semester it's like we were friends but sometimes a bit more. After tomorrow I highly doubt that you would message me on msn like you used to. All those nights that we stayed up talking to each other. That time when you told me to call you when I wake up but you were still sleeping. You sleepy head. I don't even know why I like you so much. I like you so much to the point where it's hurting myself. Seeing you with someone else makes my heart drop. Because of this I'm actually scared to like someone again. I'm scared that I will fall too hard again.  I really want you to be happy. If you're happy with her I feel happy for you too but at the same time I wish I could be the one making you happy. I wish that our personal private time did actually happen. I still remember that time when I asked you a question and if you know the answer you can have whatever you want and you wanted a kiss on the cheek. I was really scared to give you one but at the same time I wanted too. Because of you I was able to give myself a chance to take risks because knowing myself back then  I would never have done it. All those tender moments between us seems so unreal to me now. I'm questioning if it really happened. 

I wish you to have a great summer. And always be happy. You know the prize that you owe me, well I know what I want now. I want you to always be happy. Hey look it's 11:11 :))

TRAGIC. The end

So once upon a time, I met this guy and he left me with a very deep impression. Today is the end. Although everything ends today I’m still looking forward to next year.

WOW! Today's the last day. It went by so fast. HAAH! Well, I guess this is really the end. He left me so many memories for physics. Today he was trying to play 0330 on the keyboard on my iPod and he said that Mr. Richards was interrupting! LOL! He’s such a cool guy 8) I hope we have classes together next year. I wonder how things will turn out next year. At this very moment I still feel something for him. Hurts to know that I like him but he likes someone else. Probably all the time I think about him he thinks of someone else. Good luck to him on his bio and physics exam! I didn’t get to wish him good luck today.

Tragic is the only word that can describe me and my chemistry exam today. I stayed until 4:30 writing the exam! I didn’t know how to do the very first question on the long answers part and OMG while I was shading in the bubble sheet I realized that I didn’t do an entire page of questions! FML!!!! SO TRAGIC like honestly, how did I miss an entire page of questions. I looked at it and I know the steps to doing it but the teacher was like “okay folks hand it in”. LIKE OMGGGGG! I was so sad ): I’m relief that I’m done chemistry but sad because I know I could have done better. *sigh. After the exam Mayanne’s mom drove me and Trisha to Sobeys to buy our tickets to the ex. I am looking forward to that. I kind of want to hang out with him over summer but yea…. Haha…. Mayanne’s mom also treated us to McDonalds! THANK YOOU (: It was so funny because she stood there for half an hour not knowing what to order! LOL! (Feel bad spending someone else's money yenno when I have my own.. :P) At the end we ordered Iced Coffee and some sandwich that I never tried before but it was really good. Me and Trisha also brought fries :D That was the highlight of the day. Minus the tragic part… I honestly cannot get over that like really? HOW did I miss an entire page!!  LOL so much for going for enriched chem next year. Fail to the extreme 

Last day with him tomorrow. WOW can't believe its really ending now. Jheez, it was really something for me. It really was. There's thunder outside. I wonder how he is feeling lol! The weather reminds me of him in a way.

Kay, I only went on to upload some photos. We are on war for photos on facebook right now. LOL!

kk BYE! Going to study some more. Chemistry exam tomorrow! Anyway after chemistry class today we got let out early but me and my friends stayed after a bit and we got to see a really cool lab! HAHA OMG There was fire too (y) chemistry is actually really interesting.

English Exam was actually ok :)

I think I’m getting used to it again. I’m getting used to without having him in my life anymore. Even though we still talk in physics but after Wednesday it’s going to be like we never even met. It makes me sad in a way. Like all those times we spent together. But he has someone else now. No matter how much I want him to be in my life it’s not something that I can control. I just want this week to be over with.

English exam part 1 today wasn’t too bad. I think my commentary sucks to be honest. If I were to fail it would be this. I am depressed about the chemistry cumulative. I did not finish and it was bad. The end. I wish I studied harder for that. What happened to all the determination I had the other day D:

Whatever. I cannot go back in time. I just have to bear with it now. Day one torture is over.

The rest of my torture week goes like this:

Tuesday: English Exam part 2 (essay part)

Wednesday: Chemistry Exam

Thursday: Study physics hard-core

Friday: Physics Exam

Saturday: Swimming Shit

Sunday: Exam for the swimming shit

Studying.Is.Torture.

I can’t wait until next week today at this time. It means that all my exams are over including that swimming shit. -_- I only reason that I want to go is to exercise. I feel so fat! FML LOL! HMMM, I’m thinking of where I should spend my summer. My mom said that we could go to New York for two months or go with grandparents to Chicago for three weeks. If anything I’d rather spend my entire summer in British Columbia. When I graduate from high school I want to spend my entire summer in B.C or Seattle. For my university graduation (if I get there) I want to spend my entire summer in Australia. I think it would be nice.

I still think about you. Its funny how someone can just walk into your life and just walk out. I still think about him all the time. I think about him before I sleep. I think about him over my study breaks. I still remember the time that we went to the computer lab for physics. We were on google earth and he wanted to walk from Japan to China. Those were the good times. I remember that day after class he gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead too. Just those little moments with him counted the most for me. I wish time would stop at those very moments. If I could go back in time knowing that at the end he would eventually stop talking to me and end up with someone else, I would still choose to go through this whole path again. I would still give him a jar of stars and a get well soon card. I would still stay up late and wait for him. I still think that he’s amazing.  

Right now I want to fast forward time to next week today right now at this time. When everything is officially over...

It was a good day today I must say. Today was the last day of Chinese school and then moving on to grade 12 next year. Last year forever as a student there. HOLY! I’ve been there for 14 years if I include next year. Time sure goes by fast. Today’s the last day to be with such an awesome teacher and a great group of classmates. Nothing beats them (y). I will always remember the times that we laughed like crazy and silly comments. Those were one of the best moments of my life and I will treasure that forever. Maybe after I grad next year I should go back and student teach. But I will worry about that when the time comes. (y)

It would have been a good day except for the fact that my dad was spazzing at me at 12am. First of all, I did not tell my friends to call me at that time. I wasn’t even expecting that. Second, I was sending a video file to my friend that was why I was still on. Honestly, he just drops the conclusions and starts yelling at me. Get the facts straight first! I’m going through a tough part in my life right now. I lost the guy that I like and I’m getting to the point where I just want to give up in everything and just wing my exams. You don’t even know what I’M going through. Do you seriously think I do nothing every day? And seriously stop forcing me to SWIM! I do not care. That is all. I’m just saying.  

FOOD. 

Chinese Teacher's FOOD

Melissa's FOOD :)

It was really good :D

My beautiful bag of pretzels! 

Studying chemistry last night at 1am! 

Kim Hyun Joong (SS501) - Please

kay so ...
I really like this song right now :)
After watching playful kiss I'm like in love with Kim Hyun Joong.

In physics today Mr. Richards said that today is our last Friday class for physics. He said to me that “yesterday felt like the first day and I asked you to sit beside me”. So many things had changed since then. It went by so fast but in a way I’m relief. Exactly one month ago today we were watching a video in physics class. He was holding my hands during the video and he asked me to come closer because he said that he had something to tell me but instead he gave me a kiss on the forehead. Now exactly one month later today, he’s with someone else and we don’t even really talk anymore. Outside of physics class it’s like we’re strangers. But I guess that it’s better that way. I still mean what I said before. If he’s happy then I’m happy. I do feel happy that he has found someone but it just never really occurred to me that it would be at this time. In just one weekend he literally stops talking to me on msn and after school. He starts wearing his glasses, texts in class and he actually wears colour clothing now. I don’t mean that in a bad way. I have nothing against his clothing style. He just seems really different to me now. It’s almost like he changed into an entire different person in just one weekend. It’s almost like a drama. I can’t wait until exams are over! I want to start watching dramas again!

Chemistry part one cumulative today. I could have done better ): I will study more for the long answers part and try to bring up the marks. I really want to take enriched chemistry next year. I will go for it. To be honest, I actually really like chemistry. I wish that I didn’t slack off so much this semester. 

Endings lead to new beginnings. Let's forget that it ever happened.

I don't need him to tell me the answer any more. I already know it. It's just that the past few days I kept convincing that it's not like that when clearly it is. And guess what? My life feels lighter now. It's like I finally let go of a heavy luggage that I've been carrying for so long. I just don't like the fact that just because he's decided to be with her doesn't mean he should just stop talking to me. I mean like we can still be friends. But yea... whatever. I don't think at this point it really matters any more. He lives his life and I live mine. It's like we never met. And everything that we once had I'm going to leave it behind and start afresh. Since he already left it behind there really is no point of me still holding on. I just find it disappointing that he can just forget everything like that. LOL It probably meant nothing to him at all. So yea. All I want to do now is move on with life (which I am already) and do well on my final exams. Right now my number one goal is to make the grades for enriched chemistry next year. I'm only 4% away. I will study and relearn everything. Especially physics I seriously got to relearn everything. But I can do it. I never underestimated my abilities in school. I was just always really lazy. My mark in English went up :)

The only thing that I'm not looking forward to over summer is that my dad is making me do the redo redo exam for bronze cross. EFF THAT!

I miss talking to you. I honestly just can’t get over this.. LIKE HOW CAN YOU JUST STOP TALKING TO SOMEONE? WITHOUT a reason too. I’m sad. I’m really sad. Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry if I really do something but just tell me. Please. You don’t even know how much I want to message you right now. But knowing that you don’t want to talk to me makes me really sad. It really does.

Finally finished my commentary. (y)  Oh well. Who cares if it sucks. I gave up in English a long time ago.

So me and my friends were on skype like one hour ago. It’s so complicated. I don’t remember it being 

so complicated with I skype with him back then like two or three times. But then again he was the one always calling me…. 

Getting Over Him.

I always repeat myself but honestly at this very moment I still can’t believe that he stopped talking to me. It’s like he doesn’t even want anything to do with me more anymore. I wish that he would tell me what’s weird in this life right now. I thought we had that trust. I guess not. Maybe he never even believed me in the first place. Sometimes in physics he seems sad to even sit beside me. That really hurts. I wanted this month to be the best but now it’s the worst. I wanted a hug on the very last day but he won’t even talk to me. I’m still wondering if it’s something I did… Does he hate me that much? Is it that hard for him to say hi at least? I will ask him again. I honestly will. I can’t just let it go like this. Let go as in how can he just leave me like that? He just stops talking. What did I ever do? Can you please tell me O.B?

Anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRISHA VERA! Hope you had a great one with many more years to come and celebrate. Lunch with friends was awesome today. We took pictures of Aaron and Trisha. That totally made my day. I love my friends and sister. I’m at such a bad timeline in my life right now and they’re here for me. They show that they care and listens to me. I think this whole thing is actually making me become a stronger person.

Time to go write my English Commentary on Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas.