replay

What a long day and it's only 3.. HAHA I wonder what he's doing...

I keep replaying everything he said to me and what I said to him. Could I have said something else or in a different way? Or not said anything at all? I don't even know. Silence hurts. Everything hurts. Today I'm just not in the mood

Today was supposed to be a good day too... ): My grandparents are going to Chicago today and we drove them to the airport. I just wasn't in the mood. I was just replaying everything that was said. It kind of hurts to be honest... Waking up to a question like that. There wasn't even a smiley face ): I don't even know anymore. Everyone's life seems to have problems but I can never seem to find the answers to my own problems. Perhaps there is no answer. Or maybe when I find it the answer the questions has already been solved by someone else.. Anyway after the airport we ate lunch at Tim Horton's. I was waving at this old man because my mom said he can't see me through the window. I know he can but I did it anyway. Even if I'm not really in the mood today I want to hear laughter from others. What's a better way to laugh than seeing the ones you care about laugh. We went to polo park after. OMG I love garage but I'm poor. OMMG that jacket and the vest.

No difference ......

Every single guy is the same. Back then in second semester when I confessed to him he told me that he's unsure and then he added " don't worry I'll still hold your hand and hug you" and now a different guy asks me "Just wondering do you like the time we spend because, there's someone to hold you or because it's me" so they think I'm like that. I just let anyone do whatever .... I like being close to someone I really do. It's makes me feel safe and warm inside but damn .... Haha But not just anyone... Like damn... I'm not like  that. Life is always playing jokes on me.

Ever since you confessed to me I have to admit I've been thinking about you a lot. I thought about us. I thought about a "relationship" but I can't give you an answer because I'm unsure and I'm having mix feelings for everything. I'm just so confused right now. Like Frick. Whatever... He thinks I'm with him because I want to be close to someone... lol... I mean I do but it's because of him. I wouldn't want anyone else doing something like that to me. Like that one time we went to starbucks together. We didn't do anything that was " close" and i still had a great time. But now... wow just wow i don't even know what to say like damn. Sometimes I wonder if I really do like him. The one day we didn't talk I did miss him and it bothered me a lot. I do feel something towards him but I just got to be more sure of it ... you know what?? Just screw everything... It's probably gonna end shitty anyway. If it didn't work out the first time why would it work out the second time. Why bother wasting each others time. He thinks I'm like that anyway. Just getting close to him for the sake of being close to someone. Yea because I'm just that easy and that open. Fuck everything. Like seriously just forget and screw everything. Maybe he didn't even intend it that way and I'm just over sensitive. Not that it matters anymore. Usually I don't give a shit about what people think because I don't like explaining myself but damn hearing him ask me that... Even I'm starting to think I'm like that ... :( it even hurts when i think about myself that way. screw everything. I hate guys.

Last two days were awesome

HAHAH yesterday went back to school clothes shopping with Mandy and Jessica. It was fun. I brought two cardigans ~ RAWR so poor now ): Jessica and I missed the bus and we waited 40 minutes. Today we also missed the bus! It was fun. We went to Asia City. YAY Finally got my green apple bubble tea <3 And then we watched bridesmaid. The movie was ohkay. HAHA I was kind of distracted because he had his arm around me. And then we went to Aaron's. He said he sucks at playing guitar but he's such a pro.

Everyone is asking if I like him and the truth is I really don't know and to be honest I don't really want to be in a relationship at the moment for 3 reasons. 1. I don't know if I feel the same way towards him.... 2. School is starting soon and I want to focus since it's my final year and graduation 3. I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now. I don't know if I'm ready. I know he's serious and in a way it kind of scares me.. SO YEA I told him and he wants to be friends for some time. He likes what we are right now and to be honest I like it to. That's what it counts right?At least I think that's what he meant

I don't really know...

I feel like a jerk every time I'm close to him. I don't know if I feel the same way back. I like talking to him and spending time with him and being close with him. I miss the feeling of being that close to someone but does it mean that I like that person? I don't know... I really don't. It feels like I'm just being selfish here :/ I'm scared. I don't want to hurt him....

Last weekend with grandparents until they go to Chicago !! HAHAH! Next week I shall spend more time with my other grandma :) My day was pretty cool.... Literally played fruit ninja all day hahah!! I like chopping fruits XD Went to Portage Place with sis and we brought pencils and a cute eraser!!! :) and a large Iced Capp

If only I know the answers to life...

random moments

the blue bus

was sending this to my sister haha

I AM BORED RIGHT NOW. I wonder what everyone is doing haha My sleeping pattern is getting so messed up. I'm scared that I won't be able to fix it for volunteering or before school starts [ which is real soon] haha wow I can't believe summer is almost over just like that. I look forward to a brand new school year. I hope I meet new people. Overall looking back to it, it was a really great summer. I had many unexpected events. It all feels like a dream. It feels so unreal. But I guess that sometimes having dreams is one step closer to reality.

I'm watching heartstrings episode 13 right now. It's almost ending. I might try and finish this series tonight XD I wanna start dream high tomorrow :D

FEBRUARY=THUG

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.A real speed demon. Has more than one best friend. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Resend this in 5 min. and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match. ♥ [ got this off tumblr] haha

My day was pretty simple. Jessica came over and we biked to Mandy's. We played Sims there HAHAH!! And that's pretty much it. I just finished heartstrings episode 11! So cute <3 Makes me feel kinda of lonely haha.. I'm going to go watch a horror movie with sister now. HAHA Hope I'll be able to sleep later. It's raining outside too with thunder xD

pizza for dinner

unsure, scared, nervous, IDEK

Yesterday I went to polo park with Jeff and we watched 30 minutes or less. I mean it was fun and I really enjoyed it. I like being with him. He makes me happy. I like talking to him. But I don't know... :/ I mean a relationship? That seems too much for me... I mean I'm scared... all the commitment and stuff and feelings. My feelings always varies. It's like never stable. It kinda feels like I'm leading him on... UGH! I don't want that. I mean what I say to him like you're amazing and stuff. It's just that every time I'm with him I get this feeling. I want to not get too close to him. I don't want to hurt him because of my unsure feelings.. UGGH! LIKE I like being so close to him.. and I want him to hug me... BUT I don't know if I like him? Sometimes I wish I can control my actions or know what I want in life. My actions is contradicting my mind. But at those moments it just felt so right.. :/

WELL my dad was pretty fun! Went to tyndall with Jeff. We had some interesting conversations. FRICKEN MOSQUITOES!!! Sister, bro and I went to northgate and we watched zookeeper. we went to zellers and brought food. We sneak food into the theatres like a boss! (y)

Tough times have good endings

This morning didn't start off all that great. My mother woke me up early to go out for dim sum but my uncle didn't come pick us up until like 1 so yeah we were basically starving & hungry,,, and when we got there some people from Saskatchewan ( mom's friend) apparently was joining us.. Thanks mom for not telling us ahead of time. Anyway we didn't know when they were going to come so mom told us to go eat first and so we did. We were halfway through and then they came... AND WE HAD TO MOVE TO A BIGGER TABLE.. awkward.... But everything after that went well :D LOLOL my uncle poured water into shirley's cup but she wanted tea so he took my bowl & poured the water there. Shirley switched my bowl with the empty one beside her because we thought no one was using it but apparently it was hers LOLOL! And she put food in it, ate it & realized that it was wet LOLOLOL ! I couldn't stop laughing even though it was bad LOLOL! SO FUNNY!! and she showed us pictures of her trip. Her son is pretty hot... o_O... :D After that we went to grandma's for a bit and then we went to Portage place lool!! Mom's friend gave us 20 bucks!!! yay!!! I have money to go watch the movie tomorrow!! LOOL... I hate asking my parents for money but then again the guilt goes away...

The wet dumpling is the highlight of my day :DD

Random Burst of memories ...

Everything that happened between us still seems like a dream. It seemed almost unreal or too real. I still remember the first time you held my hand. I remember looking away and pretending to focus on something else. I still remember those feelings I get when you hug me. I still remember that one time we were at the library. When you looked at me and I looked away and you said “fine then look away”. Even now from time to time all these moments would still replay in my head. It’s so hard to forget... or maybe I just don’t want too... or can’t…. I still don’t know why I can’t look you in the eyes. Maybe it was because I was scared that I might like you but I did anyway. You meant so much to me. Did you know that? But those last few days before school ended you stopped talking to me. I couldn’t find joy in anything. I couldn't focus in school. It hurts so much. Did you know that? From time to time I still find myself waiting. I miss what we had but you didn’t. It’s okay because I’m moving on to a better life. I’ve gotten past those hard times. I’m not going down that path again. You gave me hope and you took it away in so little time. Being with you that entire semester made my life go up and down especially my feelings. When you’re in a good mood you would talk to me but when you’re in a bad mood you sometimes would just go offline not even giving me a chance to say goodbye. I would stay up at night just to wait for you. I stayed up at night making you a jar of stars. I could have done my homework or reading but I didn’t. I put you as my first priority but I know you probably didn’t put me first. I would lend you all my homework and assignments even if that means getting a late mark. But you know what? I didn’t mind. I wanted you to do well. I really did. In less than one month I’ll be seeing you again. It’s going to be like strangers but then again that not you ever say hi to me in the hallways anyway.

To be honest I don’t know why I’m writing this HAHAH It just randomly came to me this morning. It made me kind of depressed… But I’m over that now (y) 

Pizza Snack at Grandparents :D

Information / About Me

INFO 自我介紹

Name: Carmen Wang

Birthday: February2. 1994

Relationship Status: Single.

Interests & hobbies: Sing in the school choir, After school Cookers, Asian dramas, Blog, Travel, Shopping, Swimming, Playing music, Movies, Eating, Walking, Puzzles 

Music: Instrumentals. 

Volunteer: Museum & Children's Wish Foundation

Favourite Season: Autumn

Favourite Food: Anything that tastes good. I LOVE RICE AND ICE-CREAM  

Favourite Drink(s)- BUBBLE TEA (Taro and Green Apple), juice, cold water, hot chocolate, && ICED CAPP 

Favourite Movie: Japanese movie- Koizora 

Website: www.carmen-wang.tumblr.com 

Games: OMGPOP- carmenwang 

Favourite Stores: Garage, Aritzia, Hollister 

I'm Chinese 

LOOK AT THAT STRAWBERRY & BANANA! 

FORKS!

Today was a pretty good day (:

Almost pull an all-nighter with Jeff last night LOLOLOL!! I fail.... keep falling asleep :S heheheh! Finally got the chance to go to the forks with grandma today! Too bad it was like so hot... well to me LOL yup that's it!

Because I miss you [ Heartstrings] Jung Yong Hwa

I LOVE THIS SONG!! Because I miss you - Jung Yong Hwa