That Love Comes.

can't do anything right today... just broke my cup ..

Home alone right now. I was going to go to the library today to study for my psychology exam but now since they're all out I have a good decent 2 hours to study.

Give it some time and maybe everything will fall into place. Eventually..

It's funny cause I'm still waiting although I don't know what I'm waiting for anymore...

I actually enjoy this silence.

Woke up to a dream

In my dream I woke up, looked at my iPod and saw good morning message from him. It was like this "good morning :) :) <3" and then I woke up again and realized that it was only just a dream. I checked my iPod and he didn't even bother replying to my last message. I fell asleep last night waiting.

I would much rather get straight up answers instead of a pointless emotion saying "peace". I thought it was really immature. I would rather you tell me straight up what you want instead of saying "go then" or some stupid peace sign. It's not up to me if I want to go or not because of course I want to stay with you forever. I will stay only if you want ME to. I'm not going to beg to stay when I'm no longer welcome. I have dignity and pride. If someone wants me to go I will go. I would rather get a straight up honest answer of what you want instead of some fuzzy one. 

I know that you probably won't message me today. I normally would regardless but... I don't know what to say anymore. I thought that as long as we love each other we can overcome any differences, personalities,  arguments, and obstacles. Is love not strong enough anymore? I love you and I know that you love me and...? It's funny how so much can happen in such short amount of time. Just ten days ago you asked me to be your grad date. Now, I don't know if I'll be even having one. Maybe this was a dream to begin with. A sweet dream, heart warming. But following every good dream is a reality waiting for you. 

I know I'm at fault too as how our relationship is turning it out to be. If I could go back in time I wish I could have done things differently or reacted to things differently. But I know I can't. I don't have a time machine. The question that has left me hanging since last night is what now?

Without a sound. Without a word.

I have went back and deleted most of the negative posts that I once felt. I only want to be left with the good ones because those are the ones that I want to take with me. 

If life takes us far, will we cross the same path again?

When words fail to speak, silence takes it's place.

The perfect day

June 01/12 Friday.

It was our four months :)

It was such a pleasant day today. First he was early at school :) and we met up at the library. I then went to do a book quiz and he took the chance and left me a rose in accounting. hehe I thought that was the only one but when I went to psychology class I received another one. When I walked in I was :O!! He went to the wash room during accounting and planned this. :D And then during lunch hour I went to guidance. He took the chance to give a rose to his friend so she could leave it for me in physics. I went to English and saw another one and I was 100% there would be one in physics. He is sooo cheesy. What really surprised me the most today was after school. I was so bored in physics.
When the bell rang after school I heard someone said his name and I was really happy because he's there waiting for me:) He was holding a dozen roses waiting for me and he asked me to be his grad date. HEHEHEHHEHEEHEHHE that was the most cheesy-est moment of my life!!! It worked out so perfectly. <3 We went to A & W to eat and chilled at his place after. <3

Today was the perfect day,

Happy four months Cheesecake :) I love you

You mean everything to me <3

a million different possibilities but the main question to me is

why?

What does it mean to live?

I love my boyfriend <3 :)

Was it worth staying up? Or should I have just gone to bed?...

I really want to think that I'm over thinking but gotta expect and be prepare for the worse.

Happy mother's day :) to all mothers out there I want to take a walk somewhere but here? I want to. Just to clear my mind and sort things out. I want to go somewhere

Before this day comes to an end I want to

leave a bit of memory about today.

At Chinese school today I wrote my final and last exam I will ever write in Chinese School. It’s odd. Life is odd in so many different ways. It’s odd after going to Chinese School for 14 years and today you’re done. Like you’re actually done. No more exams to study for, no more waking up on early on Saturdays and no more Chinese New year celebrations, drama acting and activity days at Chinese school. I’m done. I’m free. It’s over. It’s actually over. Honestly, I laugh more at Chinese school than I do sometimes in High School. In a way I can relate and connect to them more. It was a very honourable experience. I got a lot out of it. It was certainly a gift to me. I’m thankful for that. I think after I graduate I will go back and student teach. I want to share that gift that was once given to me to others.

Blissful yet a day of bad luck.

It’s mother’s day and so my sister and I bussed to polo to pick her out a purse. We took bus 12 which goes to polo. We thought we found a short cut by taking this bus but the bus ended up going around in a big circle. When we got there all the purses we saw were either a) white b) too expensive or c) odd looking style. We took longer than we thought it would take. We ended up buying her a pair of sandals at Spring. They accept SPC cards there but my sister didn’t have her student ID so we had to pay full price. Our bus transfer expired. We go back to the bus stop and saw the bus leave right in front of our eyes. Bus 11 came and it stops at city hall and so we went on. We were hoping to fake our expired transfers but the bus driver checked and we paid him before he found out that it was expired. The bus stopped at every traffic light and nearly every bus stop. Finally back in Chinatown. We went into the lobby of my grandma’s apartment and we pressed the elevator. All of a sudden we heard laughing and talking and we see our mother, grandma and Timmy coming. The elevator opened and we ran across and jumped in. Timmy saw us. This part was rather funny lol. We were going to surprise her. The irony of life. 

TANK ＊專屬天使 LYRICS

Inspired song of the night.
Soundtrack of Taiwanese Drama- Hani Kimi 

我不會怪你　對我的偽裝　天使在人間是該藏好翅膀
人們愚蠢魯莽　而妳纖細善良　怎能讓妳為了我被碰傷

小小的手掌　厚厚的溫暖　妳總能平復我不安的夜晚
不敢想的夢想　透過妳的眼光　我才看見它原來在前方

＊沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　妳是我的專屬天使　唯我能獨佔
　沒有誰能取代妳在我心上　擁有一個專屬天使　我哪裡還需要別的願望

小小的手掌　大大的力量　我一定也會像妳一樣飛翔
妳想去的地方　就是我的方向　有我保護笑容儘管燦爛

Repeat ＊

要不是妳出現　我一定還在沉睡　絕望的以為　生命只有黑夜

Quote of the night

"Expectation is the root of all heartache"- William Shakespeare

I worry

Each and every day I worry about something. Whether if it’s getting a good mark on a upcoming test, getting picked on in English class or not seeing him in accounting. I let these emotions get the best of me. I’m a lost soul in this generation. I’m looking for a light to show me a path. I thought I found that light and … maybe I did, but I don’t know anymore. The path ahead of me seems darken again. It seems really dark this time. I’m scared. I’m scared of what may happen. Perhaps I’m just overthinking but I’m scared. I want to graduate. I want to treat my family out to dim sum, get marry and maybe have kids. I want to take my parents on a cruise and sleep on my bed with curtains. I want to watch little Timmy grow up. I want to see my sister graduate next year. I want to go to university and accelerate in my field. All seems dark now, my life and what’s ahead.

When you can’t grasp onto something just let it go and watch it go. This world is diversity to everyone in every way. Maybe I’m not your light and you’re not mine. Maybe the light is slowly burning out. 

Maybe if you try fixing it, the flames will burn into your skin and melt your flesh, bit by bit. Maybe it’s better to just let it burn out.

Maybe I’m almost done my story. Maybe I’m nearing the last few pages. Maybe tomorrow is the last page.

I don’t know what to say. What’s left of me contains only worries and sorrows. Maybe I should just give up.    

Finally got my university acceptance letter yesterday :)

Been craving it for so longg

Quote of the night

" A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have "- unknown