every moment I'm with you

are one of the happiness moments of my life.

So yeah physics test was just terrible ! I failed  ): but it was still a great class thanks to you  ♥ Did nothing during spare lol Went to visit Jeff at the store and brought candy XD

Last night, me and my friend Andrew Tang has a serious conversation. Like for once in my life, I'm starting to see a different side of him. Although I admit he is mean to me but I take back all the mean things I said about him from before. He apologized to me. I was in shock! Like he was asking us how we think about him. I told him the truth but I'm really starting to see a different side of him and it is a good side.

I was just playing dinglepop and drawing game with my friends! HAHA good times on OMGPOP (:

I don't want to be happy anymore. Everytime I'm happy, something bad always seem to happen :(
I don't know. I'm not questioning. I don't know what I'm doing :(

I'm gonna die tomorrow just because of English and physics !!! I'm so worried about physics :/how come no one seems to understand that? It seems like everything is my fault ? Physics is multiple choice that's why I'm so worried

Going to school soon

Weeeeh! I hate coughing to the extreme. It feels so bad :(

I got a spare this morning so I slept in! It was so fun last night playing connect four on omgpop with Aaron! Dang! He's good. Our score was like 19:1 ! I'm not even joking and I'm the one lol :O and then Andrew was watching us play and I was like what the heck ??? It was kind of funny though lol

Double test tomorrow: physics and English! I'm am screw :( gonna fail especially English !!!!! My mind is not working too well. Can't wait unti tomorrow is over. I hate it when teachers tell you two days before you have a test. I need at least 3 days. Now I gotta cram :( good luck to me.

11:11 soon

JJLin "That's What She Said" 她说 - Jason Chen Cover

I am doing so shitty in English! Although my essay mark wasn’t too bad but still! English is going to ruin my marks this semester when it comes to report cards ): I HATE YOU !

Chemistry test wasn’t too bad.

Grandma and Auntie coming over later (:

&&& you look very cute today ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

SUNRISE !

IT IS SO PRETTTTY! :DDDDDD

OKAY, ONE DAY

I WILL FORCE MYSELF TO WAKE UP EARLY

AND SEE THIS

I will

isn't this just beautiful?

its the sunset I think

Thank you for making physics class a great class today. Although I had no idea what the lab was about, you made me happy (: I really appreciate it. I love it when you hold my hands in yours. It makes me feel really really warm and blissful. I wish that you would never let go. Sometimes I wish that I can always be with you because when it is just us, in person, I feel that all the problems I was thinking about would just suddenly fade away. At least they are not with me at that very moment. Thank you for always making my day feel special. I blame myself for having such a weak stomach. -_-" I was in pain after school!

I think I should not protect my blog anymore lol since I don't think he is going to read it anymore. I did block it for quite sometime! (:

WELL going to study for chemistry test now. Goodnight. :D
I can sleep with a smile on.

GOOD DAY (:

This morning, we went out for dim sum with family since my aunt is over! It was fun. I love my cousins and my nephew. HE'S SO CUTE !!! (((: We were playing tap tap revenge. GOSH I suck at those games -_-"

Then we went to forever 21! I LOVE FOREVER 21 :D Brought a cardigan and a shirt XD But together it was already 60 bucks! :/ Frick I gotta stop spending such large amounts.

I'm so glad that you are finally feeling better. My wish came true :D Please be happy and well.

my new drama list

I don't feel like doing my physics homework anymore so yea.... :/ I wanna watch

• SECRET GARDEN!!!!!!!!!!
• Dream High
• Love Buffet
• Momo love
• Sunny Happiness! MIKE HE (:

Yeah, that's it actually LOL But I really wanna watch secret garden

I think he’s avoiding me. Did I do something wrong? WHAT DID I DO? … ):

Like, this bothers me a lot. He’s been offline for like two days now and I’m worried. He didn’t look too well after school on Friday. I knew I should have gone up to him and talk to him. But I don’t know why but for some reason, it seems like he is avoiding me. I feel bad. My heart hurts ): What is up with me?
-_- I don’t think this is going to work anymore. I actually thought there was a chance. Silly me. I feel like an idiot. I feel so stupid that I want to transfer school or drop out of physics. I feel terrible not having any faith or trust in him. I really do. But then again maybe it’s been one sided all long. I left him an offline msg. He is not going to reply back, I know it. I guess to him, I’m nothing more than just a friend. He never said he liked me or anything. Maybe I’ve been taking the wrong signals. Perhaps everything was a mistake to begin with. It feels like I’m a bother to him and we barely have anything to talk about. I’m tired of putting in effort and actually trying to make our conversations interesting. I’m tired of everything. I give up. Game over. It’s all over and this time it really is. But then again, it never even started….. But thank you for giving me all these beautiful memories and such a wonderful dream. But a dream can’t go on forever. Sooner or later I will have to wake up and I guess right now it’s the time. It was a nice page to my life story and I thank you for that. I really do. Thank you, OB.

And please get well soon if you are still sick. Don’t nap for ten years. It’s too long of a time.

IT'S FRIDAY

I'm over thinking....

I try not to think about you but trying not to think about you is still thinking about you. What am I suppose to do now? ): Can you tell me how you feel and think instead of me always guessing. :/ The past few days has been stressful too me. I'm bothered. You ask me but I cannot tell you just because. I'm not bother because OF you. When I think about you and all our gentle moments, all I want to do is to be with you. But now I'm scared that I might actually lose you and wake up from this dream. I know we are just friends but there's this part of me that likes you more than just friends. You are someone to me. I feel so helpless seeing you sick in physics class ): so please get well.

Thinking leads to questions. Questions leads to over thinking, over thinking leads to negative thoughts, negative thoughts leads to worries, worries leads to complications, complications leads to troubles and troubles leads to the end. Maybe I shouldn't think and just let everything go naturally. Right. I should do that.... I must and I will.

I think I’m getting paranoid.

Like, I don’t even know why I’m so bothered about this. Like, they broke up already and kay, what does it matter to me? Its none of my business. But why do I keep thinking about it? I mean…. I don’t know, my friend told me they were “together” near the beginning of the year. But it’s only March right now. Can you get over someone that fast? OMMMGG what am I thinking?? STOP CARMEN! STOP!! Don’t think about it. GO do English. BYE

It was a pretty interesting lunch hour. Met a new a new friend named Miguel. LOL so yea, he just came up to our table and was like hi LMAO! And then Evan came lol!! Jheez they have such silly friends lol and then aaron came over and gave us his textbook ! It was a good laugh though. GOOD times (: best part of today actually.

I just want someone to understand me.

So yeah, like I just failed my bronze cross exam (no surprise) and my dad is telling me to do it again. But honestly, I do not want too. Like every single day, I go there and ask myself this question: why am I here? Even up until this point, I don’t know why… To be honest, letting my dad talked me into this swimming shit was the biggest regret of my life. I can’t make a difference in this world. I just want a simple life and that is all. Why do you always have to make things so hard on me? Especially when it comes to report cards. If I want to show you I will eventually. Why can’t you just let me be instead of questioning this and questioning me that. Like what’s wrong with being an accountant? And they want me in the medical field. FRICK! I suck at chemistry and to be honest, I have no idea what I’m doing in physics. And I said that I might apply to university of Winnipeg but NO they said I should go to university of Manitoba. OMMMG it’s my life! Don’t I have the right to decide??? Can’t you guys for once ask what I really want instead of just deciding everything for me? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that I really want to go out and see this world and just on my own. I want some time to think things over and understand myself.

I admit that I have feelings for you and you’re the only guy ever to give me this blissful feeling. I don’t want to get too attached to you because of my “future plans”. I really like you but I cannot make that commitment. I’m really sorry. You should look for someone better. I’m still unsure of who I am and which direction I want to go. All I know is that I want to be happy and right now I’m not because of all the questions that are just hanging there. But the worst part is, acting that everything is alright and forcing myself a fake smile.

p.s happy pi approximation day

Easiest school today ever

So yeah, basically we had like three spares today! Due to science fair, we were kicked out of our physics class room! Went to the library with him (((: awwwh he distracts me from my homework but he really knows how to make a girl smile :D he makes me feel so special. I feel really bad being mean to him sometimes :/ Had a spare for chemistry! As if she just lets us go ! :P oh well! I didn’t feel like dong any work anyways lol! So my introduction for my essay wasnt too bad. I just need a hook. Ohyeah basically that was my entire day. Spares ALL DAY FOR THE WIN. And as if my friend Kim stalks me lol but she’s so cute lol as for me and his relationship, I really don’t know. But I’m not going to question my happiness. I’m going to live with it.

OH yeah! We got gold for music festival!!!!!!! ((((((: I'm so proud :D All those hard work paid off!

Kpop Hair

Music festival

Music festival
It was a pretty goodnight at music festival. We had really great comments and feedbacks (: I felt proud! It made all those practices worth practicing and going! Although we didn’t get to know what our ranking was, I’m sure we did well because she practiced and tried our best. The process of a choir getting together and putting together a song takes a lot of effort. I’m glad we were able to do so. So yup!

WHAT THE HECK? Pop quiz in physics today??? D: chemistry test was….. FRICK I forgot how to convert Fahrenheit to Celsius! )))): WEEEEEEH! In physics today he was holding my hand. Feels so warm. It makes my heart melt. Thank you. So yeah we are deciding on a personal private time day lol He’s such a loser! (((: I hope it actually happens…

Wow, I didn’t know that it would hurt me that much. When you didn’t talk to me in physics today I felt really bad. I thought that I could get over it but I couldn’t. I can’t right now at this very moment. My heart was hurting so much. I wanted to cry and I still do. Back then you were just some guy and now you are someone. You are someone that actually means something to me. I didn’t know that it would affect me this much. I can avoid you if I really wanted to but I can’t in physics because you sit right beside me. The silence kills me. I don’t know why it was okay before but now that silence is just too much for me. It hurts. Worst part about today was you not talking to me. ):

Today was just terrible. This morning our car broke down and we were almost late for school not that it really matters to me because I have a spare! Then when we got to school, I realized that I forgot my chemistry textbook -__-" Physics class was terrible. English was just boring like always. The only part I liked about today was getting a decent mark on my chemistry quiz.  That actually made my day...........

I don’t want to go to physics anymore. ): I don’t even want to go to school. Don’t you realize that we have a problem? Sometimes I feel that everything is just my fault. Me and my overthinking but I just can’t help it. I really don’t know how I’m going to last the rest of this semester. Can you just tell me how you really feel about me instead of me just guessing. Sometimes it feels like that I make everything complicated. Why can’t I just go with the flow? But I can’t. Being with you makes me very happy and blissful but at the same time I feel so unsure. You don’t tell me anything and I worry. It feels like at any moment you’re just going to disappear and leaving all my questions unanswered. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I can just leave. But the other problem is, I don’t have anywhere else to go.

why do I even care? Why????? I don't care. But why does this hurt so much? It feels like that at any moment, my heart is going to explode. If I knew that liking someone hurts so much, I don't ever want to like anyone ever again. Forever alone. I need some time away from him. I just want to put everything about him aside. I won't go on msn for a while. I deactivated my facebook account. Just contact me elsewhere. I need to get myself back together. I have too. The only thing that I can't avoid about him is physics class.... Otherwise, I'll be okay.

OMG my blog better be protected.....

I guess I have like no readers now since I edit the settings. But now I can blog whatever I want. I think from now on I will just blog everything instead of writing it down. That way I can blog wherever.

I still can’t believe that he just left me like that last night. He came back at around 2ish and left me an offline message. But still, how can he just leave me like that? And not even explaining where he went. He’s leaving me with too many questions. I like to know answers and not question questions. He’s making me feel very unsure. I admit I like him but to be honest I don’t plan on setting him for the rest of my life. Rest of my life just seems so far… I like to be free and not attach to anything or anyone. I can’t keep promises. I don’t want to hurt you. I honestly regret not switching out of physics. I can feel myself fall for you. I’m scared that one day I’m going to be afraid to let go of you. Please stop being so nice to me. If I could go back in time, I wish everything can be like semester one. Everything was fine and my life was not affected by you. I really miss those days.

Today was a pretty average day. Went to lucky supermarket and brought ASAIN food. I’m on a strike for junk food too. Well, that was nice while it lasted.

Time to finish my English paragraphs. DD: I want a cellphone now! My uncle and auntie got new phones and I’m once again into wanting a phone. I give up wanting that blackberry torch. I was watching calling for love on tv. MIKE HE (: