Talking to my friend Daniel at the moment. Currently he's outside. I wanna be outside too right now. Just away from everything and everyone. I want to look at the stars and just stare at the sky. I don't care if there are mosquitoes or flies. I sometimes love the night. I love how everything is so still and silent. How I wish life can be like that sometimes. All I ever wanted was a simple life that is all. I keep getting dragged into things. OMG like the printer thing. My dad thought I broke it just because it was in my room. I didn't even use it last. I helped fixing it but just got dragged into it for that. Last time I helped my friend transferred a message and she got mad at me for that. WHAT THE HECK. I'm just helping! Sometimes I feel like a burden to others. I want to help but I tend to make things worst. I'm always giving trouble to people. Like one morning I had a physics test that day and my sister was helping me the last minute. I should have asked earlier. I hate how I'm like that sometimes. Maybe I should just do nothing but then again I'm already doing nothing. Doing nothing achieving nothing. I admit I get decent grades (except English) but I always feel like that's not enough. I know I could do so much better but how come I'm not doing it? I'm not pushing myself hard enough. I don't get myself. I never know what I really want. I wonder if anyone actually reads my BLOG lol I told 3 of my friends but it was quite sometime ago. I wonder if he still reads it. 


I honestly just don't get people right now. Kay like why are you telling me he's not responding to your text? I can't do anything about it. It's not that I don't care about you but every single time he doesn't respond you tell me well us rather. What can I do for you? Like really.. tell me. If I can do it I will do it for you because I really consider us good friends and as a friend I do care about you. But sometimes you just go over my limit. I can only do so much for anyone. I was gonna say you should give him some personal space and stop texting him for a day but like yea no. I don't give good advice or when I do it doesn't go too well :S I don't even wanna think about it any more. Tonight is just a night where I really just don't care any more.  GOOD NIGHT 

*sigh I hate how I'm not even part of something but I ended up being part of it just because that person said "we"... LIKE OMMGGG SO ANNOYED WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF EVERYTHINGG!!!! AND DRAGGING ME INTO IT!! WHAT THE F*** LIKE HONESTLY STOP DOING THAT. EVERY SINGLE TIME. FRICK. Like I don't even talk about them like really? YOU'RE THE ONE SHOVING YOUR PHONE IN OUR FACE! I'm not the one saying "they look cute together" and stuff like that. I JUST AGREE TO YOU!! LIKE HONESTLY WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE AND LET THEM BE! INSTEAD OF SAYING THE SAME THING EVERY SINGLE DAY! LIKE HONESTLY DO YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT 24/7 ON MSN. KAY LIKE I GET THE FRICKEN POINT. You don't have to repeat yourself EVERY SINGLE DAY! I GET IT. OMFG!!! I didn't know that agreeing to things you know makes ME part of it. JHEEZZZZ THANK YOU! ... AND YOU TWEET ABOUT IT TOO ! LIKE REALLLYYYYYYYYYYY

My day today was pretty great until now.. JHEEZZ I don't even know why she's telling us this. I'm so tempted to say " we don't even talk about them". I'm not even joking. Anyway, went to the gym today to exercise. Me and Jessica did mile run and it wasn't too bad :) I think I pulled a muscle though. IT WAS PAIN. We played badminton and basketball. YEAH JESSICA is pro at basketball :P It was fun. Good day. Just finished watching you're beautiful episode 12. Was gonna watch 3 eps but not in the mood any more. So apparently he's going on his trip tomorrow. I hope he has a safe trip. He's leaving in seven hours. In seven hours he will actually be distant from me.

Without Words- (Park Shin Hye)

You're Beautiful (OST) - Without Words (Park Shin Hye)

I'm loving this song at the moment :D I like the guy version too ! 

*sigh yet another boring day. Walked to the library with sister and OMG GOT a mosquito bite -_- THOSE DEVILS! :S So basically I spent my day watching You're beautiful! :) GOOD DRAMA

To be honest after we had that talk it feels a lot easier to talk to him now that things are clear. But I can't help but to think back those last two weeks of school. I remember wanting to make it the most special weeks ever because after that its gonna be over. It ended up being somewhat the worst two weeks. Its just that I never thought something like that would happen to me. I never thought that I would actually meet someone like him. Now its just I don't know. I don't know if I still like him or not. It's kinda mixed at the moment. I won't think about it any more. I seriously won't. I don't think it matters to me any more. I wonder how its going to be when I see him again. When school starts again... Life is just so weird sometimes.

*sigh I want to go shopping :) HAHA can't wait until Monday. Planning something with Amy hehehe

LOL what a day. Didn't do anything really expect eat, sleep and repeat. Woke up at like 12:30, clean my closet again... YUP that's it basically. Went for a walk with fam. We walked to Tim Hortons lol!!

Seriously need a life *sigh

Day not wasted. I feel bad wasting my day sometimes like I just sit in front of the computer or just walk around the house doing nothing. I want to go out. Do things that requires no money or not a lot of money. I don't like wasting time because time is something that you will never get back in your life. If its gone its gone, nothing else to it.

So why was my day not wasted ? BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING. What did I do today? I WENT OUT!! :P I went to Mandy's. We played monopoly, cards, went to the park, and just random games like truth or dare. One question we asked today was: what do you look for in a guy? What do I look for in a guy? I'm actually really scared to like someone at the moment. I'm scared that the same thing might happen all over again. You know history can actually repeat itself. After he said sorry to me last night I felt bad. He grew a liking for me yet he rejects me. I don't get that. I don't think I ever will and I don't want to any more. To be honest, I'm scared I might fall for him all over again. All I really look for in a guy is someone that makes me smile and will never leave me behind. I just hate it when people leave me behind or when you walk with someone they just walk in front of you. That's why I like it when I walk side by side with someone. It feels like that I'm actually there and not just some random person.

SO NOT READY

you know the saying expect the unexpected. It feels like I've been experiencing that a lot this year. Well, at least the first half of the year. I can't believe that its July. Met a great group of friends that I never thought of meeting. Everything that happened between me and him up until this very moment. It just seems so unreal to me now. I wasn't expecting that he would tell me this. I actually already let go of finding the answer because it really doesn't matter to me any more? What difference does it make if I know the answer or not? Does it really change anything that already happened? I can't think right now. I really need to absorb what he just said. I just can't get it through my head. He told me that as time went by in physics he grew a liking of me. I guess that was something.. We got close (a little too close ) that sometimes I wonder what we are. It felt like we were just friends but at times we were more. He said that he distant himself from me because he felt that we were getting too close. That was so random though... how he just stops talking to me. I was really sad because it just hurt so much. Thinking back to it still hurts that's why I don't think about it. I guess I'm relief now? After awhile knowing the answer just didn't matter to me any more. Knowing that it doesn't change what we are. But in a way I'm glad he told me. I should be sorry too... I allowed all those things to happened. I'm not sorry that it happened but sorry that I could have dealt with it better.

Boring yet unexpected. My day today:
Woke up... ATE. We went to McDonald's. And randomly out of no where we decided to go to polo. I was like not expecting that. I had like no money. Mandy only paid 5 cents for the bus ride while I paid two dollars! I felt bad eating all my friends food. D: BUT I WAS SOOO HUNGRY! I want to go shopping.

BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED

Didn't really do much today expect went to polo park again and Tim Hortons. Uncle was over for lunch and also help us take apart the kitchen. *sigh. Been facing that kitchen for over 16 years. Life goes on. I should have went out for a walk with dad and bro.

OMG He talked to me last night... Apparently he was at the fireworks too. I didn't see him. I guess this just goes to show that things just aren't meant to be. Like he was there, I was there.... *sigh. I was talking to my friend from B.C last night and she wants to confess to this guy. She's asking me for advice. I was never on good terms when it comes to stuff like that. They had similar conversations. Like the ones I had with him. The ironic part is that the guy she likes is also going to Seattle for vacation and so is he... ohhkay.. .. I hope it works out for her, them rather. He told me that he was on the phone last night. I wanted to ask who but I think I already know but at the same time I don't want to assume. I'm such a fool sometimes.. I swear every time I try putting him away and all those memories we had, somehow it keeps coming back. WHHYY MEEEEE?

Watching you're beautiful right now! Episode 3

Our rice from Thursday THAI EXPRESS (Y)

Been going out like everyday this week. HAHA It was fun. :D Today we were going to go to the forks but ended up going to polo park instead. Talk about luck lol the moment we went down the bus arrived. Like HOLY! Also on the way back we also just caught the bus in time as well. What a lucky bus day :) I'm glad that it's not that hot today compared to the day we went to St. Vital. That bus ride was quite torture -_-" I can still remember the heat.

Well I guess it's time to put him away. Not aside. I think I can do it this time........

There's not much to blog over summertime if I don't do anything. Everyday feels the same. Sometimes I just get too lazy. I owe my sister four dollars for food. MUST.GET.JOB

Fireworks at Tyndall last night

It's hard to understand what parents are thinking of these days. My sister like just got busted about her relationship and like right now both of my parents are against it. My mom is like saying how you should focus in school but my sister has the highest grade in her grade. My dad is just like " he can't come over" I sometimes hate how my parents are so racist. I feel bad for her. I don't know what I can do to help. I'm just like here like always ....... [present]

*sigh also at the fireworks my bro fell off the play structure and landed right on his face. ouch. Foreshadowing....

At times like this I'm glad that I'm single. Relationships sometimes are just so ugh! Problems, headaches, tears & time. Smh.

HAPPY BELATED CANADA DAY EVERYONE!

Yesterday was fun. LOL we kind of celebrated Mandy's grad. I invited her over to my place along with Jeff and Jessica. Highlight of yesterday was playing mahjong and me and Jeff winning (Y) Jessica and Mandy had to kiss my Aaron Yan poster LOL talk about awkward LOOOOL Also had fun taking pictures lol

Went to St.Vital yesterday with Cousin, sister and Jhemily. LOL Didn't really buy anything but OMG around like one year ago we were at St.Vital as well and we were eating at the food court and some guy came over and talked to us. Well yesterday that same guy came and talked to us again only like one year later. Same location lol the food court. LIKE OMGGG IS that fate ? LOL We don't even know him. I really like his friendly approaches. BUT AS IF!!

HAPPPY CANADA DAY!!! 
Pretty good day with fam today. Too bad mother had work D: We coulda gone to the beach instead. LOL anyhow I had fun :D we went to assiniboine park and we got to ride on the train. IT WAS FUN! :) I'm never too old for that. You needed an adult thats over 16. My sister told that dude that but he didn't seem convince that I was over 16.. okhhayy then.. lol :P After we went for ice-cream and milkshakes at BDI <333 

HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYONE!

ohhkay weird. Just weird. The minute I posted my last entry he messaged me on msn... OHHKAY that is just REALLY REALLLY weird.. like OMMGG Just weird......

It's gonna be a long/ exciting day tomorrow :)))) In the morning going to st.vital with cousin, sister and Jhemily. My friends are coming after!!! YAYA

Playing UNO with Jeff right now LOL

My DAD!!

I seriously think my dad is over protective sometimes! It was funny/awkward last night. After I came home my sister told me that my dad was walking around the living room holding a hockey stick. I find that quite funny. LOL Like I can totally see him doing that LMAO  :P Also I can't stay out past 10 now. (sad life) and I have to leave the phone number to that person's house I'm going too. Next time if I go to the movies past 10 he is going to join us and sit in the back row. That is somewhat awkward... BUT funny the way my mom said it!!

So apparently I got an award. Two actually. I seriously think Sisler hates me LOL Like they never ever call me!! Like two years in a row. I find that funny too. I never show up for it :P xDD

It's so nice out today and I'm stuck inside. Going to go out tomorrow with cousin. Last hangout with her before she heads for New York for the rest of the summer. My friend Trisha is also going on her trip today. I hope they both have safe trips.

I wonder how's he doing lately. He still comes across my mind once in awhile. I seriously don't think I'll ever understand him.. At this point it doesn't really matters any more. I don't even know what happened but I accept it. It's like... I don't even know what its like. I can't put it into words. So yea, I like the way my life is right now minus the things that I still cannot decide on. Life is simple. Even though those times with him was really something but I know it won't last long. It was never meant to last or start. Things will get better. If it doesn't get better than its not the end. We don't talk any more but I admit even if we don't talk I still think about him. But I think everything is ohhkay now? I don't even want to think about it any more. I'm just gonna live life. PEACE :)

Random last minute plans with friends yesterday and it was awesome! We went to Tyndall and we just sat and talked there. After we went to my place well my yard.. LOL

So last night we went out to watch x-men at 10:00pm. IT WAS AWESOME!! I mean going out so late. Driving around the streets at night with so little traffic. Its cool 8) It might be my first and last time D: My dad stayed up waiting for me last night. I felt bad... D: The movie was pretty interesting I must say. It's not a movie that I would watch though but there is a first time for everything. I actually thought it was interesting. Too bad I had to wake up early this morning to go get my report card / check my time table. My marks weren't bad. I'm surprised that I pass chemistry!! :D But I went down in English D: SO SAD!!! Makes my report card look bad. I actually kinda like my schedule next year. It's somewhat hardcore but I think I can handle it if I time manage it well. ( which I don't) but I shall try. I want to fill in my random spare in second semester and switch physics to enriched. Then it would be a good schedule :)

Possible time table right now
Semester one:
Pre-calculus
Chemistry
Pre-calculus/ Gym
English

Semester 2:
Spare. ( wanna fill it )
Calculus ( as if I got this class -_- )
Trans Focus English
Physics ( want to switch to enriched)

And of course. Choir the entire year :D

WHAT A SUPER DUPER BORING DAY

I kind of have a headache from sleeping too late last night. ): Oh well. But I woke up at 12 this morning. Honestly I wish my brother would be quiet in the morning. It's so fricken annoying. My parents went to superstore this morning so I was home alone with sister. All I did was practice piano. After that I watched into thin air on tv. Why is my life so boring? D: I have like no direction in life. I never know what I want. It's like I want to do something but at the same time I don't. I want to finish this stupid swimming redo but at the same time I'm lazy. I want to take AP chemistry but at the same time I don't. I want to talk to him but at the same time I don't. I want to ask him if he is still at his weird point in his life but at the same time I'm scared to know. I'm always so undecided. I always drag everything because I can't seem to decide on anything. Sometimes when I'm shopping it's like I want to buy this shirt but at the same time I don't. I'm always scared that I might make the wrong decision. Like once in physics class he had two go cards and he told me that if I guess which one is his I can have it. It took me literally the entire class. He said even if I'm wrong I can still have it. He even asked me "why are you so scared?" I don't even know. It's like I'm scared but I'm not. My life is so complex yet so simple.