Live life with a smile.

somehow this is not taking me away

I had a pretty interesting week so far. On Monday it was my friend's birthday party. We went to Asia City and I got Taro bubble tea. :) After that we went to her house. Her brother is sooo cutee hahahaha I left early.

On Tuesday we stayed after school for the after school cookers. Yay finally we joined something. =) we cooked Mexican food. So spicy lolololol

TODAY I HAD A MATH TEST :O

so yuup. that's it for now. pce

It pisses me off when people compare me to someone else or saying that I’m not doing this and I’m not doing that. A part of it hurts me but really it pisses me off like seriously fuck off. I know what I’m doing. Even if I’m not doing it doesn’t mean I don’t know. Like really… jheezz.. sometimes I wish people would just leave me alone. Ugh like really. Whatever… -_-“ 

Pssh whatever. It can't ruin my night because something made me smile. :) never fails. 8)

And I think I'm done English for the night. Long day tomorrow. Peace. 

Shakespeare - To be, or not to be: that is the question

:)

I feel :) all of a sudden. Weird. HYPERRRR

wow what the frick man..

I'm trying to have a nice conversation here and you.... I don't even know... like really. I already apologized  yesterday. I don't even know what I'm saying sorry for. Now I'm just fricken I don't even know what I'm feeling. Are things even that complicated? Feels like you're just making it complicated. Why can't we just have a nice conversation without it always turning out in a bad way?  Like really. I find it hard now to even talk to you. I don't even know why I'm trying. In case you don't know I am trying. But it feels like you're just pushing me away right now and it hurts. If that's what you want me to feel.. congratulations you're succeeding.

how do you know?

Okay last entry for the day. Been blogging so much today and to be honest it helps. Talking to a friend helps to. Had a great conversation with my friend haha. He's cool I'm glad I met him.

How do you know when you like someone? How do you know when you unlike someone? I don't know. My feelings well they are weird. I'm never certain of them.  Idk.. I mean I don't know why I'm getting so upset and bothered by this. It sucks. I sent him at least 20 messages hoping that he would reply. I know he won't reply. I wanted to try anyway. I don't want to give up. Its just not me. I treasure this friendship.  Meeting someone is fate. Choosing to leave is destiny. I like everyone I meet. Well most and I treasure every friendship with them because its fate that we met. Just think about it. I think the best way to maintain any relationship is to just be friends.

But now.
We're just strangers again. Two wrongs make a right. Maybe next time it's finally going to be right.

Sometimes

the only way to keep someone by your side is to just be their friend. This is what I learnt. You know.. I feel bad. I just lost a friend. I messed up. I can't even face him because it hurts. I'm just wondering what happened... Few hours ago we had fun during spare but then after school... I want to continue trying to fix this but it hurts being ignored. I don't like this outcome. This result is making me regret everything. Maybe if I wasn't so immature back then and made him confess to me it wouldn't have lead us to our first hangout. And maybe if I controlled my actions better things might not have gotten this far. Maybe its a tragic.

All mistakes are experience that we can learn from. I learnt it the hard way.  I swear.. Never again Actions speak more than words. Silence hurts.

I love Autumn. It's so beautiful.

I think by far autumn is the most beautiful season ever. To me it’s just so beautiful. The leaves changes colours and then fall to the ground. It gives me a heart-warming feeling and a sense of home. It feels nice. To me fall kind of represents life. It keeps changing every year. Its falls but it comes back again. We fall in life all the time. It’s how we get back up. Sometimes it doesn’t matter where you start but it’s where you end up. Today in English Tulner was talking about having a passion for something and putting your soul in it. I don’t know what I have a passion for. It’s hard to define who I am right now because I don’t really know what I want to be yet. It takes time you know. Like everything else. Must stay strong. There must be an exit for everything. If there isn’t how did it enter in the first place?

I like other seasons too but autumn is just gorgeous. I want to go for a walk right now. It’s nice. It really is. I just love autumn. I’m looking outside my window right now. 

Looks good x) YUM YUM YUM

Random: Cup Noodles LOL

I'm weak, It's true Cause I'm afraid to know the answer- [True]

Finally this day is over. Should I reply back? I don’t even know… What if he still doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he just randomly stops talking to me again? I don’t want that again. I feel so bad. That feeling… it hurts a lot. My day started off bad. We had this a/c in precal today and it was just bad. It was so bad that in our afternoon math class he made us do a redo for the morning one. I did better the second time so that made me felt a bit better. I actually signed an autograph for him today. I was going to give it to him after class but I lost my courage to. Why am I so awkward? He doesn’t want to talk to me any more but if I don’t give it now I probably won’t get the chance anymore. Who knows what’s going to happen in 20 years. I need to stay strong and just do it like dang…. I always have second thoughts about everything and its just screwing me over. Whenever I get a notification on my iPod for some reason I still think that’s it’s from him. Don’t you get it? He doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. He even said it. “Maybe it’d be best if we didn’t” in other words; let’s not talk anymore. It just felt so sudden… like everything else that has happened this year.

Good morning world

I want to say good morning to him as well but... I know he's not going to reply. He's never going to reply again. It was a bad and hurtful night last night. Woke up a couple of times. Woke up this morning and found myself crying. I didn't break my promise Its still night kinda... I'm still wondering if it's something I did :( everything was fine during spare ... I don't even know what happened. A few hours later i message you because i wanted to talk but then you tell me maybe its better if we didn't. Are you mad because i didn't say bye after school? Don't tell me its okay because its not okay :( Why is it always like this?? I'm sorry. I already said I won't bother you when you're  doing homework... I'm sorry for always being such a bother to you. 

I'm leaving for good now......

I don't want this but what can I do? He doesn't want to talk anymore.. :( no one wants to.

I should leave for good now. Such a fool. When will I ever snap out of it? ...

It hurts the longer I wait. Why do I always hurt myself this way? I wish I was more mentally strong.

Goodnigt world. Goodnight....

This feels like the longest hour of my life

Why do people always come and go? Why is it always sudden? I'm not prepared for this. I'm not ready.....

No wonder it's so cold outside :/ it's only 5 degrees. I'm running out of things to blog :S I feel hungry too now :/ weeeeeh this sucks. I'm sleepy but I want to wait. maybe he just fell asleep I mean I do that all the time :S

Is it cold outside ?

Or is it just me?? Haha I feel really cold right now even under my covers. I should really sleep but I don't know why I'm still waiting when clearly he's long gone..... Maybe he left a long time ago like everyone else. Everyone that once said they wouldn't leave me they did... I only trust myself now because no matter how hard I try or how much I want to... I just can't leave myself behind.

Reality sucks.

Promising myself

I'm promising myself that this is the very last night I will cry for any guy... or wait for any guy. Ill try not to break this promise. It's so hard being strong... I can't put myself together right now. because it's hurting me so fricken much. I can't even describe it. I thought I was over this feeling. The feeling of emptiness and unwanted but why is it back now? I knew this strand of happiness wouldn't last... :/ 

Once again I'm back to where I started except so much further back. 

Why do people always ignore me?

Is it really that fun for them? I'm just here waiting for an answer that I'm never going to get. It's like I'm not even worth their time. But the thing is I still wait. Thats why I'm still up. it's so hard blogging on my iPod. But what can I do? What if they reply? Haha silly me... I'm so dumb. I don't want to be but I'm just used to it. He's probably long gone.... Maybe even sleeping right now. I just don't get it. It's like I'm there but I'm not. I don't even know why I'm blogging again haha... I guess this just passes the time. 

Time makes everything better. Changes happen within time. But is it for the better or for the worse?

This hurts 

You don't even know. I really miss how things used to be between us. How we can just talk casually with nothing between us and now you don't even want to talk to me anymore. And it's hurts. I can't help but to think that this is my fault. why am I such a burden to everyone? :'( I feel so sad right now... Gaaaaaah I hate this feeling. Go away. Please. :( don't come back. 

If he doesn't want to talk I can't do anything about it. It just feels so sudden and it's hurts... :/ fml. 

Why are you being like this?

Like seriously.. wow. I don't even know what to say to you any more. What are you trying to do like really.. What did I do? We talked during spare and what not.. So why are you being like this right now? Like seriously.. uggghhh :@

If I didn't want to talk I wouldn't message you good morning.. like wow.. jheeez. I don't understand guys. Never did. Never will. #reality.

NOW I feel bad for not responding... BUT what do you want me to say.... -_-" :@@@@

Being lazy is so easy.

It really is. I've been really lazy lately and slacking off. I didn't get the mark I wanted on my chemistry test and when I went over my test and did my corrections I was just mad at myself. I know how to do it and for some questions I didn't even read the question correctly. I make myself feel dumb. I really have trouble overcoming my laziness. Its just so hard. I should think up a new study routine like going to the library. My house is too loud to study ): and plus this new drama series on tv. I have trouble waking up too. ): So I must make use of my evening time and try not to sleep so late. Its just so bad. Must not put things aside and say I will do it later because knowing myself I won't do it later or even do it at all. Must break this off. Must achieve to the point where I want to be. Must concentrate and ignore the stuff that shouldn't matter.

I don't know if having you in my class is a good idea or not. I was just randomly sitting in English one day and all of a sudden I had a flashback of all the memories we had together. It was bittersweet. I thought about how you asked me to sit beside you and how we started talking and everything else that happened after that. I remembered the time that I kissed you on the cheek and the one you gave me unexpectedly after class. Life is unexpected. Thinking back things have changed. It feels like that I changed too. But I don't know. I never seem to understand myself any more or what I want. I sometimes wonder if I still like you. But you know once you like someone even when you don't like them any more those feelings will always be there. But I don't know this doesn't really concern me any more. I should really ignore all of this and focus on the things that should matter.

I miss grade 9. Kinda... lol
Yesterday I visited my grade 9 English teacher Ms.Covernton. She still remembers me :) I was happy. We talked for a bit and she still teaches grade 9 and 10 English. Dang.. time goes by so fast. We really need to grab a hold of it. Grade 9 felt like yesterday and BAM I'm graduating this year. Today I visited my 9 grade math and science teacher Mr.Russel. As if he still remembers me !!!! He moved the desks around in his classroom. Wow time please slow down. I'm falling behind.