You are the reason that I smile everyday. You may not know it.

You are so unexpected. Every time when I'm alone or when I feel lonely you would somehow just appear beside me. You give me a warm feeling even though it's freezing outside. There are so many things that I want to tell you in person. But every time I want to I just get too scared :( I don't know what I'm scared of. Every time I'm with you it feels like a dream. It feels so unreal. It's like it's almost too real. And that at moment everything is just going to go away. You make me feel that this world isn't that complicated. You’re so talented and good. Sometimes it feels like I'm not good enough. I feel so far. So distant. I just want to let you know that you are someone to me. Even if this is all a dream, but it's a dream I'm willing to have even if one day everything just falls apart.

Chemistry test today. It wasn't too bad. It wasn't even hard. It was just too long ): I basically started guessing everything in the multiple choice. I was running out of time -_-" FRICK! So yeah.. and in choir I got moved to the front row. So sad ): I dislike the front row... Open house tomorrow! Hmm, I'm kind of excited for that. PEACE ! Going to study for physics now.

Chemistry test tomorrow :( hope it isn't too bad ....

Today was a pretty good day. I don't know why but it just was ( even though Ive got a test tomorrow) thanks for making my day! I just feel so happy right now. I wish I can share it with you.

So apparently, we had a English presentation today -_-" wow I thought it was tomorrow Frick ! I was so not prepare ....... And also tomorrow we have to fill in our applications for next year. Omg I don't know what to take. Headache -_-" but whatever I take I hope I still have classes with you. I wonder how next year is going to be like. Graduation already. Im not ready to leave yet. I still want to stay. I don't want to grow up yet. Time, please slow down.

Just got back home from cousins and it was quite an adventure. Why? I'll tell you why. I'll make a long story short. So basically my dad got drunk.

• He wanted to take off his seat belt but was looking for it on the wrong side
• He said Shirley has a wife.....
• He was trying to get the car stinky....... -_-"
• He told mom to drive us to school

Yeah basically its weird. But interesting. I love it when my dad gets drunk. He does random things LOL

I'm bored. I should read. Oh well, I have a spare tomorrow.


I often think about the future. Like, what will I be doing 10 years from now? 20? 30? Where will I be? How will I look like? Who are the people around me? Friends? Co -workers? Just anyone. I’m always wondering. I like to know stuff. I like to capture memories. I like knowing the answer to things! I don’t like guessing. Like on a multiple choice exam. I hate multiple choices for math. There is only one right answer. If I’m wrong, then I’m wrong. No half marks ): I wonder a lot. I wonder what will happen this week. I think this week is going to be interesting. We have our open house. I kind of don’t want to go because well no offense, we sound kind of bad. D: I hope we sound better. Fingers crossed. Also we have a chemistry test. I’m not looking forward towards that. But whatever, I still have to do it right? Forget the past and smile when thinking of the future. It’s going to be great. Just look at it from a different angle. Just smile and there is nothing you can’t overcome. I’m ready.

growing up

I still can’t believe that I’m 17 already. I still feel young even though I’m growing old. Time goes by so fast. Sometimes I wish that time will slow down. There are still a lot of things that I want to do, a lot of places that I want to see and people that I still want to be with.  I haven’t seen the world yet. I still want to. I haven’t given up that dream. After I graduate from high school I want to go to Toronto for a couple of years. I’m too attached to my parents. They provide me everything I need. I don’t need a job. Basically I don’t need anything. I already have everything that a lot of people don’t have. I’m happy.  I know that I cannot depend on them for the rest of my life. That’s why I want to leave. I want to experience the world for once just on my own. I want to see how it feels. The feeling of freedom. My parents said this morning that we are losing communication and I think it’s true. The past few months all I did was stay in my room and “study”. (I’m on the computer) So yeah, it’s still my dream. I don’t want to give up. I still want that dream to happen. But what if I found a reason worth staying? What if I die before I even graduate? What if the world ends? So many what ifs. If only time would stop at this very moment.

I wanted to rip my chemistry textbook up when I didn't get how to do the first question. -_-" Well I'm glad I didn't because to my suprise I'm actually getting somewhere (: I still wish that she will teach us first but yeah whatever. I'm NOT fine but I will make the best out of it. If you think you can, you can. XD I will try.

(:

Pointless

There's no point in setting goals if I'm not going to stick to it. Wow... What happen? Okay so last night was shit because I couldn't figure out the answer to this English question! I had physics to do and not to mention chem and reading -_-" good thing I have all spares next week. I really need it for reading. And also I was on my iPod last night and I accidently clicked on a link and music just came out of no where and my dad was sleeping -_-" that was horrible, not even gonna lie! Everytime I wish for a good day I get a bad day. When I think that it's gonna be a bad day it actually turns out okay. Lastly, when I think that I'm gonna have a bad day I get a horrible day. I'm going to stop wishing. Nothing comes true.

FUCK !!!!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE FUCK NOT EVEN JOKING MAN! Like fuck! Fml ugggh!

I fail in life ! Jheez I fail everything. I'm wasting oxygen :((

Someone just kill me please -_-" I hate how I'm so negative right now!! Why me? Why is life always playing jokes on me? I admit defeat. Game over. You win. I lose.. I'm tired of this game. And this time I'm really giving up. I really am.

I want to leave.

Wow, this is harder than I thought it would be. Like really. ): Why do I fail in life? Like honestly… FRICK this is so frustrating!!! UGGGH! Why is my life like this? Like honestly… REALLY??  After all that. I still end up in the same place. After all I’ve been through? I want to give up. I can’t keep up anymore. I wish it was raining right now. I would totally go outside for a walk. A good cry always washes the pain away. If only I could wash everything away. I would. I really would. I want a break. I wish I can just leave. I want to leave. At this moment right now I really want to leave. I’m so selfish. Sometimes I really hate myself. Not even joking. Why can’t everything just work out? I don’t want to accept this challenge. I never agreed to it in the first place. So why?  What is this? What am I even trying to achieve?  

words represents my feelings
book represents my life
pages represents time

Okay so before I start typing English.

I just log onto my Facebook and my friend commented on my status. And wow, that meant a lot. Not even joking. Like a lot. I felt tears in my eyes. Like literally, I don't think I make anyone happy. Not even joking. It’s more like I annoy people then brings them happiness.

So my status was “My life is like a Ferris wheel. It keeps going in circles. No matter how hard I try to run; somehow I still end up in the same place” Which is true. Like, I want to change and make a difference but I can’t. I still end up in the same place no matter how hard I try. And my friend said “similar to a Ferris wheel, your life will make a lot of people happy :)” That really meant a lot for me. Thanks friend! Miss having class with you :P

living life accordingly

I am going to live my life according to what I encounter every day. What my heart tells me. Everything else doesn't matter. As long as I try my best that's all that counts.

It was a stressful week for me. There were confusing moments but it's good now. I understand. I hate the feeling of disappointment. The feeling you get when you plan something out and it doesn't go accordingly. Don't plan anything. If something was meant to happen, it will happen. It's fate. I don't get my hopes up or expect anything from anyone because I am the same. I don't make promises that I cannot keep. Don't expect too much from me. I bring disappointment. I'm not the one that can bring differences to the world. I'm not involved or fun. I'm boring and I don't talk a lot unless we are really close. I'm too obvious. I can't hide my feelings. I get hurt easily. I’m weak but strong enough to let go. I tend to take things the wrong way. Don't be too nice to me because I can't give you anything back in return. I have nothing to give. I hope for the best and avoid my problems rather than facing them. I have dreams but I don't have a purpose in life. I don't like telling people about myself because I don't want people to know the true me. I’m the girl at school who doesn't talk a lot. The girl that takes everything so lightly and acts like everything is okay but inside I'm actually hurt. I'm not pretty, beautiful, hot or however you want to describe me. I'm just someone. When someone asks me if I'm okay I would say “I’m fine " but I'm not. I rather keep everything to myself then tell people because that way people would think that I'm always fine. And I can continue to be who they think I am.

Dear loser you probably are reading this. Even if I tell you not to -_-" can you at least not tell me that you are reading it? I think its better that way.

羅志祥- 第二順位 Show Luo- Second Priority

羅志祥- 第二順位 Show Luo- Second Priority! I love this song. Been listening to it the entire day! (:

GOOD MORNING :)

"My life is like a Ferris wheel. It keeps going in circles. No matter how hard I try to run, somehow I still end up in the same place." - Me

WOW I'm up so early. I got up just to do English and Physics. (: I think I'm getting back on track. Things got sorted out and life is great. I guess. Next week is going to be torture. ): But I'm going to get ready for it. No jokes.

9 days of second semester went by already. So short, yet a lot happened over the last 9 days. It felt like a dream. Unreal. Even up until this point, it still feels like a dream. Feels like I’m getting nowhere but I’m actually getting somewhere. But where? -_-" And I thought Medea was complicated....... Anyhow, I’m going out later. Hope to get some productive work done today. Peace!
I wonder how this semester is going to turn out. Will it be as fun as first semester?

There are a lot of things that I want to say. Things that I can't say in person. But now, I know that someone is actually reading is, I can't say all what I want to say.

well, so much for studying/ homework .... I fail today, I am going away. Away forever. Away from this place. Away from English!!! EFFFF Away from failures in life ):
[insert name here] says (10:12 PM)

HAPPY FACE
):
woops
(:
^^ made me day! thanks loser
So I've decided that I'm going to start fresh tomorrow. FOR SURE YO! 100%
-___-"

Me right now

oh hey

this is how I feel right now

so yeah.... bye forever

dear Medea....

""You're wasting words"- Creon

English is such a pain. It actually makes me having to think. Like think outside the box, and expand ideas. I am not creative. That’s why I love math. Not even joking. You either know it or you don’t. I wish I studied harder for that second cumulative. ): I could have gotten the mark I wanted. Oh well, past is the past. Can’t do anything about it right? So, let’s all move forward. Let’s all hope for a better future. A future that is worth remembering. A future that is worth smiling for. Let’s make everything worth it. Alright?

So English, English, English…… What am I going to do about you? You are taking longer than I thought it would. Dear Medea, you are tooo complicated… -__-“Why kill you kids just to get revenge? That’s just so cruel! There are other ways to solve problems too you know. Just clam down. If you calm down, solutions will eventually come to you. It will. So yeah. Next time, when facing with difficulties, calm down. It may help. Who knows? There are infinite answers out there. Just pick the one that is best for you.

WOW! What has happen to me... ???? What happen to the determination I had before this semester started??? WHAT HAPPENED? How did I even get lost to begin with?  WOW Time to get back on track. Putting things aside. Think about it later after all this is over. Lately, I’ve gotten nothing done! FAIL! SO unproductive! But yeaah, I’ve decided I’m going to get back on track. NO matter how hard it is. If I don’t focus in school and think about other stuff, I’m going to go crazy! Like literally. I know I’m confusing and what not. I don’t know what I want or where I want to go. I just want everything to be simple. Like really simple. When things get too complicated (like chemistry) I get really stressed out and lost. So yeah. So after I post this entry. Im starting second semester again. And this time, I'm going to start it the way I want it to. This time, I am determined.

I'm so confused right now. I don't know how to reply back. How did it get so awkward? .. D:

Life … How do you define life? How do you define happiness? Why are there so many questions in the world with unknown answers? I’m feeling lost right now. I’m lost in life, lost in school. I’m feeling lost in everything. I don’t like this feeling. I’m feeling confused and unsure. Just like where I want to head in my life. I don’t know which road I want to take. Wow, if only life was like a math equation. I could balance it and solve for x. At least I know that no matter how I solve it or which formula I use. Somehow, I can still arrive at an answer. The right answer.

So basically, my long weekend is destroyed. No jokes. I have a physics test on Thursday, chemistry test on Wednesday and lab due on the same day, and English project due on Tuesday. I also have to finish my independent reading book before the due date and what not. Jheez, I thought this week was horrible, next week is worst! Maybe. I hope it goes well. Please. I got to set some goals for this weekend. For some reason, I work better when I get goals. Like, I have an urge to compete and know where I want to be at. If only I know what my purpose in life is, I’m pretty sure I can do better in school. Like, I don’t even know why I’m taking chemistry and physics and biology. WHY AM I EVEN TAKING ACCOUNTING????? It just doesn’t make sense. But then again, nothing in my life seems to make sense.

Wow I just read back a couple of my blog entries and I made so many errors -_-FAIL but I don’t always have the time to go double check. I wish I did. My English is horrible. Not even joking :/ yeaaah, so... I changed my background! :D

won ton

I'm bored right now. I should be studying. bye

Dear loser: you better remember what you’re supposed to do tomorrow

Kay, so since I'm here.

HI

Its been a long week for me. So in chem class today, we did a lab. It was fun..... kay, so we kinda burnt the beaker. Did a quiz in physics. It was alright. Don't wanna say its easy. (yenno, might get a bad mark) SO I got my report card a couple days ago. It was alright. SCREW BIOLOGY ! -___-" not even joking! HOLY CRAP! ITs 8:00 already. homework, carmen! FOCUS!! ... -_-" Gym class was horrible today. Not even joking man. So I didn't know we were actually doing gym " gym" today so I didnt have the proper shoes. -__-" Story of my life.

DEAR LOSER: if you are reading this. You suck! kaaaay! You still owe me an answer! And please don't read the rest of my blog. LOSER ! I don't want you to know me that well. I'm scared. kay. I really am. I'm scared that if you know me too well, you'll know that I'm not as good as you think I am. kaay. Bye