I seriously don't know. Sometimes I do things that I don't mean. It's like this feeling I get. I can't help it but just go along with it. After that I regret it. I really do. It's like I'm making things more complicated than it already is. What can I do? I'm getting mixed feelings. FML FML FML FML
I'm just so pissed and stressed lately. I get pissed off over the littlest things and then I feel bad afterwards. I really do but I just can't help it at that moment. Some things are just so easily said than done.
My day was pretty okhaay. Woke up this morning and continued reading The Notebook. I then went biking with Jessica while Aaron jogged. It was SO hot outside.... We were jogging/ biking at 2:30 pm.. SMART! Bus with Jeff to Kawaii Crepe. Some dude started talking to Jeff lol We had some interesting talks on the bus. Today I realized that I actually like sitting in silence. I still wish that he would unlike me. IDK I mean... IDK I really don't. I can't deny the fact that he makes me laugh. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I don't deserve his feelings. I'm a bad person...
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
This is honestly killing me. His words are killing me. Why can't he just give up? Why did he have to like me in the first place? All I do now is think about what I should do and I don't know what I should do. I want to run away and just not face or think about anything. But even if I run away now what about later? What about the future? I really shouldn't be dragging this on. If I do I'll only be hurting everyone. What should I do? What shouldn't I do? I just got back from a short walk. I walked to the nearby pond. I just sat there for the longest time staring at the pond watching the waves go by and feeling the wind. It felt good. It was quiet there and peaceful too. I don't have to worry about anything. But now I'm back. It's like the only solution to all the problems in my life is running away. I just can't find the courage to face anything. I rather avoid but exactly how long can I avoid for? It's all going to come back to me. What to do? Maybe it's not even my stomach that's hurting, maybe it's my heart...
I need time. A lot of time. I need all the time in the world atm. Maybe I'm just over thinking this and my lack of sleep. I've been sleeping 5-6 hours the past week and a half. Waking up early to do things. But the past two days I only woke up because I just can't fall back asleep.
I need time. A lot of time. I need all the time in the world atm. Maybe I'm just over thinking this and my lack of sleep. I've been sleeping 5-6 hours the past week and a half. Waking up early to do things. But the past two days I only woke up because I just can't fall back asleep.
Back from a nice morning jog with my sister
I think we only actually jogged for like 6 minutes or maybe even less HAHA one day I will jog to McDonald's without stopping. I will. I still have so much to do this summer! Like read two books and learn Kiss the Rain.
I keep telling him not to wait for me. I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way. I honestly don't know. I don't want him to wait for me. I want him to find someone better. But he keeps telling me that I'm worth the wait. I don't think I am. I'm seriously not worth the wait. If only he would understand that. Sometimes it's just so hard convincing him. He shouldn't wait though if anything. Why can't he understand that? -_-" He should find someone that makes him happy. I wish I can give him a direct answer like yes or no but I'm so unsure about this. I feel so bad that I keep doubting everything he says. Maybe this seems too real to be true and that it's happening to me. Maybe the only person that I'm doubting is myself. I keep second guessing everything and having second thoughts. I highly doubt that he even likes me that much. I don't see what he sees in me. He keeps telling me that I'm amazing but there's really nothing amazing about me. All of do basically is sit in front of my computer and watch City Hunter ( LEE MIN HO <3) But why am I so affected by everything he said to me the past two days. I don't know. Maybe some things are better left unknown. But I'm seriously not worth the wait and I'm not going to give up convincing him. I want him to know that there ARE better things outside this world. Outside of Winnipeg. He just needs to see it.
I keep telling him not to wait for me. I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way. I honestly don't know. I don't want him to wait for me. I want him to find someone better. But he keeps telling me that I'm worth the wait. I don't think I am. I'm seriously not worth the wait. If only he would understand that. Sometimes it's just so hard convincing him. He shouldn't wait though if anything. Why can't he understand that? -_-" He should find someone that makes him happy. I wish I can give him a direct answer like yes or no but I'm so unsure about this. I feel so bad that I keep doubting everything he says. Maybe this seems too real to be true and that it's happening to me. Maybe the only person that I'm doubting is myself. I keep second guessing everything and having second thoughts. I highly doubt that he even likes me that much. I don't see what he sees in me. He keeps telling me that I'm amazing but there's really nothing amazing about me. All of do basically is sit in front of my computer and watch City Hunter ( LEE MIN HO <3) But why am I so affected by everything he said to me the past two days. I don't know. Maybe some things are better left unknown. But I'm seriously not worth the wait and I'm not going to give up convincing him. I want him to know that there ARE better things outside this world. Outside of Winnipeg. He just needs to see it.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
My day
I only got like 5 hours of sleep but I am wide awake. Maybe not wide awake but I am awake. But how come my mind is still not working? My day was ohkay overall.. Went to the movies with siblings and we watched The Smurfs. FREE FOOD. ERRR My stomach is not feeling too well. :/ The movie was pretty funny HAHAH IT WAS IN 3D too! Went to the library with sister in the morning. THe heat at that time-_-"
I was watching city hunter. OMG LEE MIN HO <3 HE'S SO HOT> K I might say this in like every entry from now on... LOVE THIS DRAMA!!!!!!!! LEE MIN HO!!!! MY LOVE yupp.... err I should read. I'm still on my first book FAILS!
Gonna take a deep breath and do what feels right.
I only got like 5 hours of sleep but I am wide awake. Maybe not wide awake but I am awake. But how come my mind is still not working? My day was ohkay overall.. Went to the movies with siblings and we watched The Smurfs. FREE FOOD. ERRR My stomach is not feeling too well. :/ The movie was pretty funny HAHAH IT WAS IN 3D too! Went to the library with sister in the morning. THe heat at that time-_-"
I was watching city hunter. OMG LEE MIN HO <3 HE'S SO HOT> K I might say this in like every entry from now on... LOVE THIS DRAMA!!!!!!!! LEE MIN HO!!!! MY LOVE yupp.... err I should read. I'm still on my first book FAILS!
Gonna take a deep breath and do what feels right.
it's not the start of the journey, but where it takes you that counts
That's what he said.
What he said to me last night or early in the morning rather I don't think I will ever forget it. It was so deep that it's affecting me so much. Like I can't even put it into words. I actually tear up at what he said. I don't think I'm worth it at all. Why is he so nice.... I'm not worth the wait. A part of my wants to try this but a part of me is pulling me back. I don't know what's pulling me back. Maybe it's because I'm really unsure about my feelings towards him. I really don't want to hurt him. If anything I rather be the one getting hurt. He deserves someone that brings him happiness. I want to be 120% sure this time. I don't want to make rash decisions like last time. I only ended up hurting myself at the end only to gain nothing except another contact on msn that I don't even talk to any more. But then again love asks no return right? I'm going to think this through and be totally sure about it. He's serious. That's what I'm scared of. What if I can't do it? I don't want to start if I'm not sure. And I'm not sure. Nothing is really going through my mind at this moment. I just feel really bad because he's done so much for me. When I really needed someone to talk to and rant to he was always there. And I've done nothing for him. I feel like a jerk. I owe him so much I don't think I can ever repay back. I don't know what to do. If anything I really want him to be happy. I hope he finds someone that he's happy with. He's such a great guy. I wish I knew exactly what I want in life. My life would become so much easier. Whatever happens I just hope it doesn't affect our friendship. UGGH! OMMGG asjahigjka;gka'gka #confused
What he said to me last night or early in the morning rather I don't think I will ever forget it. It was so deep that it's affecting me so much. Like I can't even put it into words. I actually tear up at what he said. I don't think I'm worth it at all. Why is he so nice.... I'm not worth the wait. A part of my wants to try this but a part of me is pulling me back. I don't know what's pulling me back. Maybe it's because I'm really unsure about my feelings towards him. I really don't want to hurt him. If anything I rather be the one getting hurt. He deserves someone that brings him happiness. I want to be 120% sure this time. I don't want to make rash decisions like last time. I only ended up hurting myself at the end only to gain nothing except another contact on msn that I don't even talk to any more. But then again love asks no return right? I'm going to think this through and be totally sure about it. He's serious. That's what I'm scared of. What if I can't do it? I don't want to start if I'm not sure. And I'm not sure. Nothing is really going through my mind at this moment. I just feel really bad because he's done so much for me. When I really needed someone to talk to and rant to he was always there. And I've done nothing for him. I feel like a jerk. I owe him so much I don't think I can ever repay back. I don't know what to do. If anything I really want him to be happy. I hope he finds someone that he's happy with. He's such a great guy. I wish I knew exactly what I want in life. My life would become so much easier. Whatever happens I just hope it doesn't affect our friendship. UGGH! OMMGG asjahigjka;gka'gka #confused
Monday, August 1, 2011
GOOD DAY AT THE BEACH :)
What a good day at the beach. It was so relaxing. I stayed in the water most of the time. The water wasn't even clean.. JUST SAYIN but it felt so cool. I was just there looking at the clouds go by. It was great. I played volleyball with my bro and dad. Sister and I were digging holes in the water so people would step in them but we ended up stepping it ourself. FAIL! It was fun no joke :) Although I'm not a beach person. Like I rather go shopping in a mall than stay outside but today was fun :) FORREALS :) We went to lockport after too ! I wanna go fishing next time xD The only down side to today was my mom getting sick on the way back due to the heat. Other than that it was fun =D Someday I would like to live in the country. It just seems so peaceful and relaxing.
I just finished watching City Hunter episode 2! OMMG INTENSE ! LEE MIN HO <33 Also watched last episode of mysterious of love day. IT WAS A GOOD ENDING!! :) AND OMG AS IF IT'S AUGUST ALREADY *sigh.. school soon
I just finished watching City Hunter episode 2! OMMG INTENSE ! LEE MIN HO <33 Also watched last episode of mysterious of love day. IT WAS A GOOD ENDING!! :) AND OMG AS IF IT'S AUGUST ALREADY *sigh.. school soon
Sunday, July 31, 2011
FAMJAM DAY :)
I was so fricken pissed this morning because my dad made me wake up to go swimming. I was like UGGH! I was so fricken pissed at everyone. I got to admit I was just pissed. Like just pissed at everyone.. HAHA Don't want to get me on that side. And when we got there my mother forget her WALLET... SO we had to go all the way back home, GET her wallet and then go all the way back. But then again it wasn't too far. I had fun though well fun-ish in a way :)
That awkward moment when you walk into your house and there's already a bunch of people there.
Yea. When we arrived home they were all there already. I love family gathering :) Its so special. HAHAH!! We BBQ. UGGH it's so unhealthy!! BUT OMG SO GOOD ... :/ I don't care. I'm just going to eat since I'm going to die anyway..... jks but yea.. HAHA Went to Starbucks with JEFF HAHA =) It was fun lols. Interesting walk we had. Went out again with sister. My sister thought my dad wasn't home so we sat outside because we had no keys but apparently he was home LMAO. GOOD thing I decided to ring the door bell again :) We watched the uninvited. It was ohkay haha I thought it would be better though! The ending was creepy though. Started watching city hunter today. LEE MIN HO <3
That awkward moment when you walk into your house and there's already a bunch of people there.
Yea. When we arrived home they were all there already. I love family gathering :) Its so special. HAHAH!! We BBQ. UGGH it's so unhealthy!! BUT OMG SO GOOD ... :/ I don't care. I'm just going to eat since I'm going to die anyway..... jks but yea.. HAHA Went to Starbucks with JEFF HAHA =) It was fun lols. Interesting walk we had. Went out again with sister. My sister thought my dad wasn't home so we sat outside because we had no keys but apparently he was home LMAO. GOOD thing I decided to ring the door bell again :) We watched the uninvited. It was ohkay haha I thought it would be better though! The ending was creepy though. Started watching city hunter today. LEE MIN HO <3
Saturday, July 30, 2011
“This is the first time I want to cherish a person. For the first time, I want to make myself better for her because I believe that this world is not really that bad. I can accompany her and strive for the best.” – Guang Xi [Autumn's Concerto] * best drama ever
I just finished watching My Princess. It was such a cute drama although I must say the ending was awkward in a way. It was a good drama though and was worth watching. I'm gonna watch City Hunter next :) I heard that it's real good =) #excited.
My day started off bad because my parents were pissing me off. OMG like honestly.. -_-" I don't sleep and they yell at me. I sleep and they also yell at me. LIKE WHAT THE F***! Jheeez. Other than that my day was awesome and well spent with grandparents. <3 Help grandma do the laundry. We then had a nice decent conversation. First one since quite some time. After went over to other grandparents and we made dumplings together :) Sister, grandpa and I walked to Youngs. It was fun :)
I just finished watching My Princess. It was such a cute drama although I must say the ending was awkward in a way. It was a good drama though and was worth watching. I'm gonna watch City Hunter next :) I heard that it's real good =) #excited.
My day started off bad because my parents were pissing me off. OMG like honestly.. -_-" I don't sleep and they yell at me. I sleep and they also yell at me. LIKE WHAT THE F***! Jheeez. Other than that my day was awesome and well spent with grandparents. <3 Help grandma do the laundry. We then had a nice decent conversation. First one since quite some time. After went over to other grandparents and we made dumplings together :) Sister, grandpa and I walked to Youngs. It was fun :)
Friday, July 29, 2011
I think I
I think I worry too much, care too much, think too much and stress too much. Ohkay from this point and on I think not think about it. Yes. I shall do that. I worry too much about what's going to happen that sometimes I drop the conclusions. I think too much which causes stress for me. It's like I'm digging myself a hole again. Well maybe not because it feels different this time. Well hopefully it is. Like yea.. HAHA I don't even know what I'm trying to say I just feel like blogging. I blog for no reason. This entry is completely pointless. To whoever may be reading this I suggest you to stop right now before it bores you. (y)
If you are still reading this... err I don't know what it means because I don't even know what I'm saying right now. LOL! So yea. If you're still reading this stop right now. FORREALS. I think I'm scared to do things. Anything. Why can't I be more certain about my answers. Why can't I feel more certain in terms of everything. I guess this is something I lack.
If you are still reading this... err I don't know what it means because I don't even know what I'm saying right now. LOL! So yea. If you're still reading this stop right now. FORREALS. I think I'm scared to do things. Anything. Why can't I be more certain about my answers. Why can't I feel more certain in terms of everything. I guess this is something I lack.
When Lanes Merge [情越雙白線]
I'm also watching this show on tv. It airs at 7:00. I really like the theme song. It's so fricken catchy! :)
Just Finished Watching Mysteries of Love
So YEA I just finished watch mysteries of love on tv. It was such an intense episode LIKE OMMMGGG Last episode is airing on Monday and I'm definitely not going to miss that episode! It's a must watch LIKE OMMGG I gotta see what happenes! I'm pretty sure the main guy (Raymond Lam <3) known as Kings in the drama won't die but OMG the preview made me want to watch it online right now! But I got to play tetris now. LOL I was winning last night but then I started losing. Oh well I guess it gives me something to do today (y) or to do right now rather.
So I applied for a job online. I don't think that was a good idea since I might volunteer last week of August. Dang.... I'm dumb. PSSSH not like they're going to hire me anyway!! OMGOMG I keep thinking of that last episode!! I can't wait two days ): GRRRR MUST WAIT. MUST. K BYES
So I applied for a job online. I don't think that was a good idea since I might volunteer last week of August. Dang.... I'm dumb. PSSSH not like they're going to hire me anyway!! OMGOMG I keep thinking of that last episode!! I can't wait two days ): GRRRR MUST WAIT. MUST. K BYES
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM :)
I don't know any more. I really don't. #confused.
I'm having a pretty good today so far. This morning I totally slept in HAHA I forgot to wake up for the jog with Jessica and Aaron. I woke up when Aaron called. LOL! That was fail. I think I started running too hard in the beginning. I felt a little uneasy when we got to the lake near Stanley Knowles. I told them to not wait for me and I will catch up to them later but they stayed. Wow good friends I have. I feel so fortunate. I crashed into a fence while riding Jessica's bike. #weird After that they stayed at my house for a bit. I went out with mom, bro and sister after. We took mom to Salisbury house. LOL That was a fail too. We thought we ordered what we wanted but it turned out to be something else. It tasted weird too... Went to Polo. I know it sounds weird but I brought a jacket today LOL in the middle of summer :D I miss shopping!! OMMGG!! D: So many failed and weird moments today.
Watching My Princess episode 14 at the moment. OMG I just love romance dramas especially ones with a touch of mystery added into it. It makes it so intense! I just love the cute scenes in the drama! Although sometimes watching these dramas makes me feel lonely D: I just can't imagine anyone liking me LOL! I mean I have to admit I'm such a loser and boring person to talk to. I sometimes wonder what people see in me LOL LIKE OMMG HAHA yea I just can't. I not saying I'm bad or anything LOL because that's just too hard on myself. But I don't know I just can't imagine anyone liking me. HAHA even if someone does, it's probably just temporary and that's what scares me the most. Not knowing if that person actually likes you or if it's just temporary. I don't know.
I'm having a pretty good today so far. This morning I totally slept in HAHA I forgot to wake up for the jog with Jessica and Aaron. I woke up when Aaron called. LOL! That was fail. I think I started running too hard in the beginning. I felt a little uneasy when we got to the lake near Stanley Knowles. I told them to not wait for me and I will catch up to them later but they stayed. Wow good friends I have. I feel so fortunate. I crashed into a fence while riding Jessica's bike. #weird After that they stayed at my house for a bit. I went out with mom, bro and sister after. We took mom to Salisbury house. LOL That was a fail too. We thought we ordered what we wanted but it turned out to be something else. It tasted weird too... Went to Polo. I know it sounds weird but I brought a jacket today LOL in the middle of summer :D I miss shopping!! OMMGG!! D: So many failed and weird moments today.
Watching My Princess episode 14 at the moment. OMG I just love romance dramas especially ones with a touch of mystery added into it. It makes it so intense! I just love the cute scenes in the drama! Although sometimes watching these dramas makes me feel lonely D: I just can't imagine anyone liking me LOL! I mean I have to admit I'm such a loser and boring person to talk to. I sometimes wonder what people see in me LOL LIKE OMMG HAHA yea I just can't. I not saying I'm bad or anything LOL because that's just too hard on myself. But I don't know I just can't imagine anyone liking me. HAHA even if someone does, it's probably just temporary and that's what scares me the most. Not knowing if that person actually likes you or if it's just temporary. I don't know.
going with the flow
I don't know but I'm just going to go with the flow. If it seems right than it's probably right! right? I will not think of anything else. Just going to live ever day accordingly. I feel so hyper right now!! OMMMGG LOL must be the k-pop! It's sooo fricken catchy!! <33333 I went down a rank in tetris. SO SAD ): oh well. Been playing for over 2 hours. I am addicted. :/
I got to wake up early tomorrow morning. I'm going to bike with Jessica and Aaron is going to jog. After that I'm going to have breakfast with my mom. OH YEA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER!!! YOU'RE OLD ! LOVE YOOOUU
BYEESSS
I got to wake up early tomorrow morning. I'm going to bike with Jessica and Aaron is going to jog. After that I'm going to have breakfast with my mom. OH YEA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER!!! YOU'RE OLD ! LOVE YOOOUU
BYEESSS
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Just jamming to some k-pop right now. I just finished watching My Princess episode 10 and 11. Pretty boring day actually. I didn't really do anything except slept until like 1:30. I then went to Starbucks with Sis.
You know that feeling, knowing something when you shouldn't know. I mean I just can't forget it. I know. I'm just going to pretend that I don't. Maybe it's not even me. But now knowing that, I am determined to go and find out the answer. The truth. Whatever that may be. Actually I don't really know if I want to know the answer. What if it is? THIS is so confusing. I wish I know exactly what I want in life. It would make my life so much easier. I just never know. I'm not even going to think about it any more. Bye.
It's my mom's birthday tomorrow! HAPPY ADVANCE BIRTHDAY MOTHER :) Sister and I are going to treat her to breakfast tomorrow even if that means having to wake up early :P
You know that feeling, knowing something when you shouldn't know. I mean I just can't forget it. I know. I'm just going to pretend that I don't. Maybe it's not even me. But now knowing that, I am determined to go and find out the answer. The truth. Whatever that may be. Actually I don't really know if I want to know the answer. What if it is? THIS is so confusing. I wish I know exactly what I want in life. It would make my life so much easier. I just never know. I'm not even going to think about it any more. Bye.
It's my mom's birthday tomorrow! HAPPY ADVANCE BIRTHDAY MOTHER :) Sister and I are going to treat her to breakfast tomorrow even if that means having to wake up early :P
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
My interview today didn't go too bad haha except for that one question she asked me. The question was "what qualities do you have to offer" and I was like OMGOMGOMG so I said "I'm not sure" -_-" yea.. other than that everything else went ohkay :) LOL so awkward when she gave me a glass of water. Well the water itself is not awkward but drinking it yea. So yea. That's my day basically. I thought my mom left the museum so I left too but apparently she went to the wash room. #fail. I went to watch my bro swim today.
I went to the library with sister. LOL I'm still on my first book.... I'm not even half way.. Must read lots tomorrow. I'm watching my princess episode 10 right now!~ (y) I feel bad for the princess right now :/ I'm too into dramas sometimes. Ugh my stomach is not feeling too well throughout the entire day :/ Other than that and that question at the interview today was a good day (y)
Maybe it's not even directing it to me. I'm over thinking.
I went to the library with sister. LOL I'm still on my first book.... I'm not even half way.. Must read lots tomorrow. I'm watching my princess episode 10 right now!~ (y) I feel bad for the princess right now :/ I'm too into dramas sometimes. Ugh my stomach is not feeling too well throughout the entire day :/ Other than that and that question at the interview today was a good day (y)
Maybe it's not even directing it to me. I'm over thinking.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
It was an interesting day today. UGGH!! kay whatever time I sleep at I still wake up at the same time. That's so messed up! I have my volunteer interview tomorrow and I seriously don't know how I'm going to wake up!! I'm setting my alarm but the thing is, I do wake up to the alarm only to find myself turning it off and then going back to sleep. I have no will power ): #reality
So I met up with Jessica and Mandy at polo park and then Trisha came. We saw Aaron and his friend at the apple store LOL. We walked around. Actually we sat more than we walked. #lazy. I want to go shopping so bad BUT OMG I am so fricken poor at the moment!!!!!! Trisha's dad drove us back to her place and we watched tv, played life, ate pizza and played Just Dance 2. I suck at dancing HAHa I seem to suck at everything. LOL..
Hope I wake up tomorrow!!! Lets get this over with.
*I wish I never knew. Dang. This sucks.
So I met up with Jessica and Mandy at polo park and then Trisha came. We saw Aaron and his friend at the apple store LOL. We walked around. Actually we sat more than we walked. #lazy. I want to go shopping so bad BUT OMG I am so fricken poor at the moment!!!!!! Trisha's dad drove us back to her place and we watched tv, played life, ate pizza and played Just Dance 2. I suck at dancing HAHa I seem to suck at everything. LOL..
Hope I wake up tomorrow!!! Lets get this over with.
*I wish I never knew. Dang. This sucks.
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