After the Spring Concert a few days ago. 

It was pretty. 

My Love Will Get You Home (Lyrics)

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home. 
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home. 
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, 
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. 
Boy, my love will get you home. 

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home. 
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home. 
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, 
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. 
Boy, my love will get you home. 

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home. 
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home. 
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, 
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. 
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, 
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. 
Boy, my love will get you home, 
Boy, my love will get you home.

I’m probably not going to finish my homework. *sigh! I really want to finish though. What a waste of a day. My blog title is called a page of happiness. I wanted to fill this page with happy memoires but I know it’s really hard to do. It’s hard to be happy every day. 12 more days until chemistry exam, I can’t slack off now. Usually by this time of the year I’m basically done. Too tired, way too tired. I wonder what he’s doing right now. He’s on. To message him or not to message him that is a question. I don’t know. I really don’t. Is this really the end? I can’t really say this is the end because it never started. Might as well get used to it. It’s like I never met him. My life is back to how it was in semester one.  I guess it’s time to study hard core for exams and my chemistry cumulative. Time to think of summer plans and volunteer places. I must say, this semester was the most memorable semester for me and it was because of him. I wish that I can say all of this to him. I wish he knew but then again what difference does it make? Probably not much of a difference. I’m going to hold onto all of these memoires that he has given me because it’s worth remembering. It really is. If someone else was me right now at this very moment I’m sure she would do the same thing. He’s a really cool guy. (y)

Kiseop AGAIN

OMG HE is SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO CUTE! 

<33333

Kiseop

OKAY WHAT THE EFF!

My sister and I just finished doing the laundry and half of the clothes got stained. WOWOWOW! What is this? FRICK MAN! Although it wasn’t too bad but I seriously wonder what it was. Like what's the start of the stain. -_-

Anyway, I just finished watching Hanamizuki. It was longer than I thought it would be but it was worth watching. SO SAD! That dude died. I honestly hate it when someone dies. Can’t they just make him run away or something? It’s depressing in a way but also effective. But the ending totally made my day. It was quite a meaningful ending. Hmmm, long distance relationship…. I don’t think I can do it. It’s hard for me to maintain one. I never tried but I know where I stand. It’s quite a challenge.

Well movie well watched. Time to start my physics homework.  

Hanamizuki

I’m watching a Japanese movie right now call Hanamizuki. I honestly love this movie so far because it can all actually happen in real life. How you can just meet someone by accident but not knowing that you’re going to go through a lot with that person. Of course, problems are going to arise. I seriously don’t look seeing the problems in the movie. It makes me sad. But then life is like that. No one can live through life without ever over coming any problems. I think right now I do have a problem. I always just let it pass but it would always come back. It always does. You know what’s funny? Every time I say that I’m going to give up or not like him anymore or something along those lines in the end I would always end up where I started. And that is undecided. I’m always scared that I might make the wrong choice. I don’t want to let go to be honest. But I should really come to an conclusion and stick to it. I’ll give myself more time. There is still time I mean, there’s summer and then school again. Who knows? Maybe I’ll meet someone special over summer. But if anything I still hope that that someone special is him. At this very moment, I don’t know if I’ll ever like anyone else as much as I like him. He is the first guy that I ever truly like. Maybe after graduation I’ll see him ten years later. Maybe I’ll be forever alone.

My mom is bias. I told her that I’m not going to get married and she was like what’s the point of being a girl if you’re not going to get married. You need to have a family and a man to depend on. I was like… mom do you know what century this is? Women don’t always have to depend on men to live a good life. Jheez mom LOL! But one day I do hope to find someone that I can spend the rest of my life with.   

Time to finish watching Hanamizuki. Hope it’s a happy ending.

I want to talk to you, but I’m scared. I’m really scared. I seriously don’t want to annoy you or anything. I don’t want you to hate me. I’m scared. I miss you. I bet you don’t even miss me. When I miss you, I would look at your go card. Thanks for giving me that. It’s evidence that this is not a dream. It’s real and that it actually happened. Thinking back to it still makes me smile (y)

Guess I’ll go to sleep now. I’m actually lacking sleep lately. I’m so weird sometimes. The earlier I sleep the more tired I get. -_- Tomorrow I shall finish all my homework since I slacked off so much today. I fail. I really do. I want to get a new book from the library. My sister doesn’t recommend the book that I took out. Reading was never my thing but I do like to read mangas.

 Dear tomorrow, I wonder what it’s going to be like. Will I actually finish all my homework? I tend to fail a lot. I wish achievement was my thing. I’m not really good at anything now that I think of it. I don’t even know what I’m talking about right now. I just feel like typing. I just don’t want to think of him but why am I thinking of him as I type this. What am I even typing about? 

Our unfinished puzzle. No one finished because someone stole one of the envelopes containing that piece..... -_-"

One of the pictures that we had to take for our scavenger hunt! (y)

Diversity!! Life is full of diversities. There are just so many different choices and so many different paths to choose from. Anything can lead to something special. 

It was such an interesting morning! At Chinese school today our class and some other classes joined and we had a scavenger hunt. It was fun! Our team was pretty close. But like seriously Alex Smith -_- HAHA He was one of our questions that we had to find. HAHA! It was fun though. These two random guys were wandering around the school. He talked to us for a bit. He was cute in a way but like yea. LOL I hope to do it again next year. Jheez, grade 12 next year already! I’m so not ready but I will make the best out of it.

There are 12 more days until our first exam which means 12 more days with him. HAHA wow, it’s really coming to an end already. So quick! This year went by so fast. Semester one still feels like yesterday. It’s so weird. Sometimes you can’t wait for things to end but when it actually does come to an end you will actually miss it. After exams are all over I probably won’t see him until grade 12 which is 80+ days. I counted. I wonder how those days will be like. A lot can happen in just two months.  I’m scared in a way. I would seriously like to know how all of this is going to end. I’m always curious. I wonder what will happen between me and him in grade 12. I would seriously like to know. I kind of want to fast forward just to see what's gonna happen. I do hope that one day he can find his own happiness that truly belongs to him. If anything I want him to be happy even if that happiness is not with me. But for now, I hope that something special will happen within these last 12 days. Something to end this school year with a good note. 

2NE1 - LONELY

That kind of hurts. I was talking to him last night and he didn't reply to my message for over half an hour. I was afraid to message him because he might be busy but I did anyway. So apparently he was on the phone. Oh, I see. So you just leave someones message like that. I was waiting for him to reply. I seriously felt like an idiot. If I knew he wasn't going to reply I would have left like a long time ago. I only went on to talk to him. I was a bit sad to be honest. I don't have the right to be mad because I choose to wait. But he didn't even say anything. He just left my message and I'm still waiting for a reply that I'm never going to get. I'm a fool. I really am. I just don't understand. What do I even mean to him if I mean anything at all. I wanted to call him once but he told me not too. He didn't tell me directly but I got the cue. I'm not that stupid. I just can't get over the fact that he just left my message like that. He didn't even say be right back :( and I was stupid enough to wait. I disappoint myself sometimes.

I’m in a blogging mood today. Blogging really helps me sort out my thoughts. I have people that I trust but I just can’t trust them completely. If you know what I mean. I don’t trust myself either. Sometimes keeping everything inside is just too much. You have the urge to just take it all out. This is my way of letting it all out and it helps me. I sometimes talk to my friends about it but sometimes it’s just too hard to explain. I wonder who reads this. No one really knows about this blog except two people. He used to read it but he doesn’t anymore which is good in a way. I don’t know I never seem to know. At 11:11 I always want to make a wish but when it’s actually 11:11 I don’t know what to wish for. It’s just so weird. I don’t understand myself sometimes. I never seem to know what I want or what I really want to do. It feels like I’m missing something but I just don’t know what. Every time I’m faced with something I tend to run away. It’s like the only option for me. I just never know what to do. I try to avoid it for as long as I can until I have no choice but to go out there and face it. I want to see myself in someone else’s point of view. It feels like that I annoy a lot of people sometimes. I don’t mean to be annoying; I just want someone to talk to. I really do that’s why I’m always scared to message people on msn first especially him. I’m scared that they might not want to talk to me or they’re busy or something. I hate how I’m always scared! I want to take the risk. I need to have more confident in myself.

Hey. If you ever do read this, I just want to say that I miss you right now, goodnight and sweet dreams. Thanks for being in class today and being with me. I appreciate it. Hope you have a good day tomorrow and remember to do readers guide!

I’m down to watch a horror movie right now. 

I give up trying to not like him anymore. By this point, I realize that it’s not possible. It’s really hard to just forget someone that once made you smile. So yea, I give up forcing myself to do something that I don’t want to give up on. Even though it’s not possible but I want to try. I don’t want to give up just yet. Just because it didn’t work the first two times doesn’t mean it won’t work the third time or even the fourth time. You never know. You just never know. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get. You may like it and you may not. But if you don’t try you never know. Maybe one day I will meet the guy of my life. Life is too short for second guessing. Sometimes we just got to live with it and not second guess ourselves. Sometimes you just have to trust and allow yourself to follow your own heart. We don’t always make the right choices but making a choice is better than making none at all. No matter what comes to you, you have to pull through with it no matter how painful it is. Just remember that everything comes to an end. Good or bad it will end eventually. If it still hurts than it’s probably not the end. Sometimes we just have to let go and let fate decide for us. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe my last two mistakes weren’t mistakes after all. If I made a different choice back then, then right now there would be no me and him. Perhaps I’m destined to make those mistakes. That’s why I end up here right now. I can’t say that I don’t regret at all about my last two mistakes but because of those mistakes makes up where I am right now. Now that I think of it, it’s not a mistake at all because meeting him so far was the best thing that has ever occurred in my life. He really makes me smile. 

I just finish reading Along for the ride by Sarah Dessen. It was a very book with a happy ending. I just love happy endings or endings that inspires me and are meaningful. I hate it when someone dies at the end but sometimes life is just like that. We have to live with it and move on. Don't let your past hold you back. Anyway here are some quotes that I really liked from the book.

"Failing sucks. But it's better than the alternative. Which is not even trying Life's short, you know?"

"There are millions of variables. And if even one was different.... maybe everything would be."

“An ending was an ending. No matter how many pages of sentences and paragraphs of great stories led up to it, it would always have the last word."

"It shouldn't be easy to be amazing. Then everything would be. It's the things you fight for and struggle with before earning the greatest worth. When something's difficult to come by, you'll do that much more to make sure it's even harder- if not impossible- to lose."

I know what I'm scared of now. I'm scared to lose him. I know this sounds kind of ehh but it's true. I actually am scared to lose him. I really am. As this school year is almost coming to an end with less than three weeks left, I'm scared. I'm scared he might forget me over summer. What if he meets someone else over summer? Well, it's not like we're together or anything but still, I'm scared. He just slowly became someone that is important me. Every time I attempt to tell him or anything close to that I always end up screwing up. It would be a little bit awkward but then everything would just go back to how it was. I suck at expressing myself. Sometimes I wonder if he likes me too. But I learn not to question my happiness and just live with it. I always forget my only goal every day and that goal is to be happy. I like the feeling of being happy. I'm also scared to lose him because he just makes me so happy. I'm scared to lose that happiness. I know I will once this school year ends. No matter how long a story it, one day it will eventually reach the very last page with the very last sentence and then the very last word. Everything comes to an end. But the end is how we make it. I want this school year to end on a good note and it will. I will prove it. As for me and him, let’s see what happens over summer. As for the grad trip me and my friends decided that we go somewhere on our own. I actually think that it's a better idea.

My legs are so sore from gym class yesterday! Its either we do nothing or 15 minutes on the track. That was just torture. I think I'm going to start exercising for real no joke. It's not that I don't like to exercise; it's just that I'm lazy. I'm always lazy to do things! I must fix that bad habit. I just woke up from my nap like 15 minutes ago. I was so tired today. I have no idea. I slept early too last night. I almost fell asleep in chemistry class today while reading the textbook. That was that boring. NO joke!!

I'm scared. I don't know what I'm scared of though. I just am.

So we have a graduation trip for us when we grad! I’m excited for it. I really want to go actually. I think it’s really worth it. I mean after grad, everything will be different. Everyone will be heading in all directions and beginning a new chapter of their life. To be honest, I really like the way things are but it would be nice for a change once in a while. Not all changes are bad. Sometimes we just have to let go and things fold by themselves. High school was one of the most memorable moments of my life. I went through so many ups and downs. I can’t even describe some of them but I learnt something from all of them. I now know never to make those mistakes ever again.  I met a lot of new people. I met people that are important to me. I met a whole new group of friends and can always depend on them. I met him. I knew him from before but this semester was the first time we ever talked. It’s cool. I mean, it really is. He is just… I can’t even describe it. I will find that word someday. Every day is like a new page to each chapter. We write each page so why make it bitter? I want each page to be filled with something memorable, something that is worth remembering for. I have one more year of high school to go. Lets make this last year a good one! For now I just want to end grade 11 on a good note. 

Today was such a tiring day. Not to mention my lack of sleep and then writing a physics test first period. I honestly failed that test hard core. That is a moment of my life. I almost fell asleep on my textbook. My physics teacher asked me if I was okay. After the test I was even more tired and I was kind of sad because I did so terribly on it. He actually let me put my head on his shoulder. But didn’t again I didn’t ask. I just did it. It was something that I always wanted to do. Sometimes I’m such a loser. But it was really comfortable. I wanted to keep my distance but once again I failed. Oh well, I failed for good this time.

p.s GYM WAS TORTURE TODAY!!!  

I feel better now! Guess going out actually helps. I walked to Mandy’s house and I got lost. I swear that was the right street. I remember the mailbox! It took me one hour to walk there. I went into the wrong street and it was so quiet. It was dead quiet and I got scared. I walked in a circle and somehow I ended up on the right street. I still don’t know how I got there. Dang, I’m lucky sometimes. Anyhow I failed. I walked right pass her house too! It was a fun hangout. We played truth or dare and 25 questions. It got kind of awkward so we played only one round. The question was if you had to date anyone at Sisler who would it be? It would be him for me. I can’t just stop myself from liking someone especially if that someone is him. He’s just so likeable. He’s cute, funny and his smile. He just melts my heart. But I will try and think about this less. It’s for the better. I’m never going to bring it up again and I should try to see him as a friend. I don't want to fail again for the third time. Failing twice is enough for me. Sometimes it feels like I’m giving him a hard time.

And GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!

Always put a smile on your face (: It’s better than explaining yourself. 

I feel worse than yesterday. I am so screwing everything up. I know I am. I know what to do now. I seriously do this time. I’m not going to like him anymore. I don’t know how though but I will try. I’ll force my feelings to die out and only think of him as a friend. Just a friend and nothing more, not even a close a friend. Every time it gets too close I fall for him more. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I seriously don’t. I'm lost in directions. I’m scared you know. I really am. I can’t forget the words he said to me the other night. I can’t get it out of my head. I amaze myself sometimes. I realized that I am good at something and that is failing. I’m so good at it I can even teach it. I’m so pro. I always succeed in it.

Lesson well taught. After all of this over, I never want to like anyone any more. I don’t want to go through this process ever again in my life. I seriously don’t. That feeling, it just hurts a lot. I have no one to blame but myself. No one told me to fall for him. I just kind of did. I don’t regret though. He is not a regret. He is someone that I don’t ever want to forget. I don’t want to replace him because I know at this moment I can’t. But either how, I will go through with this. After all I still want him as a friend, like he said.

I’m going to St. Vital now! YAYAY! (: SHOPPING!! I was on blog TV with sister earlier! HAHA what a fail :P