Our taco looking crepe LOL

Boring yet good day (:

I woke up early because the dude finally came to fix our kitchen!!!! Me and my sister named him "kitchen guy" LOOOOOL He stayed for awhile. GRRR stuck alone with him tomorrow. Shirley has to go interview and bro has swimming lessons D: Mom brought us KFC for lunch and didn't buy kitchen guy some LOOL! poor dude. She made us eat outside too! We ate inside the garage beside our car o_O Sister and I walked to the library. YAY finally got new books LOL (: Saw ciekay at the library and on the way back saw Daniel. Last minute plans with siblings today. We took the bus and went to Kawaii Crepe. *sigh. (: last time I'm going this summer LOOOL I'm too poor ):

LOL hope they finish fixing our kitchen soon. SOO annoying having to take the dishes outside to wash.. D:

It's Raining and I like it

I have to admit I miss you like a lot LOL. Life is just so funny sometimes. I have to admit I really miss talking to you. Those conversations made me laugh. I really want to send you a message but there must be a reason that you didn't want to reply. I understand. I guess you need some time and so do I. I hope nothing affects our friendship. I really treasure it. No matter what happens between you and I, I still hope that we stay connected. Even if one day we do go to different places in the world. But that's just life right? I hope you're doing ohkay and I hope that you're happy.

So basically I spent my entire day watching City Hunter. I'm on episode 12 now. This is probably my second last drama for the summer. This summer by far is the greatest. Last year was cool too I mean we got to go to Toronto but after those two weeks it was just ehh... Nothing to do and no one inviting me to plans. This summer is just so awesome. I went to Kawaii crepe, St. Vital, friend's house, late night movie adventure and a whole bunch. It was really something especially getting to know him more. But I guess this is really it? haha

Good morning world. It's so nice out

I'm surprise that I fell asleep again. Maybe it was because my thoughts are sorted out. I guess blogging really does take away stress for me haha even though I just blog about random things and my boring life :P I think I just wanna be away from everyone for a couple of days just to sort things out. I do feel better except a little hurt but I will get over it. I won't reply to anyone. I hope no one messages me. I'm like those people that just can't ignore someone's message especially my friend Aaron. He's been so down lately. And especially Jeff. I almost always reply. I can't remember a time that I didn't. Not just for them but for anyone else too.

I'm gonna go disappear for a few days.

Something unexpected happened a few hours ago. We were on skype again. I still remember the first time we skype. We were doing our chemistry homework. The second time was because you wanted to sing to me. You sang my angle. I felt so special back then and I thought we were more than that but I guess not. I kind of missed what we had but its ok, i'm over that now. It's just that talking to you again brings back memories that still seem unreal to me. I don't like you anymore but that doesn't mean my feelings for you are gone. Once you like someone even when you don't like them anymore those feeling will always be there.

I guess I really liked him a lot back then and disregarded ones that cared for me. Like him. He didn't talk to me yesterday or respond rather. I guess maybe it's better that way but I don't know why it's affecting me so much. It's just that I thought we were gonna play pool but I guess not and that's Ohkay I know you're busy with other things. I actually stayed up until 2am waiting for his reply. I don't know why but I did. If he wanted to reply he would have a long time ago but I waited anyway. Is this a sigh that I really do like him? Or maybe I did all along. I don't know. Maybe it's not that I don't like him but the fact of commitment is what I'm unsure about. I realized now that that's the part I'm actually unsure about all along. The part that I'm scared of. What if I do give us a chance but only to find out later that I only like him as a friend? What if my feelings faded. I don't know why this is getting to me so much. It's getting to me so much that I'm up at 6am typing this. I woke up at 4 and I actually thought I fell asleep on him but I woke up only to realize that I'm back to reality. Life is too tragic for me sometimes. Isn't this what I wanted? It's not because it's bothering me so much. I like talking to him that even though I know I will fall asleep I still want to stay up and talk to him.  I'm so used to it staying up and talking to him. But now I have to get used to him not talking anymore. I keep reading back to the message when you confessed to me. That seems unreal too. I almost remember every single word that you said to me that night. It's so meaningful that you can even take it and put it into a movie or a Korean drama. Are we not going to go on walks anymore or watch movies or watch the sunset or go on a random bus? The thought of those made me happy but to be honest I doubted that it will happen. Back then I asked him to go on a personal private time with me but it didn't happen so that's why I doubted that this will happen. I'm not surprise anyway. I guess maybe it's not all that bad. You're  going to forget me anyway. It's not the first time and I'm fine with that. As long as you're happy. And you're really awesome forreals.

Life is just so funny sometimes. I miss the way things used to be. But at the same time I understand and I accept. I move on. Life goes on. Everything goes on. People change. I change. Things change. I learn not to look back and look forward. It's what we should do right? Why look back when you can't change anything. Time doesn't reverse. It only goes forward like life.

My day was pretty boring to be honest. My dad was taking apart the kitchen because people are coming in tomorrow I think? [about time] yeaah.. I finished my book in the morning. It was an awkward ending... I wanna watch the movie now! D: Went out to lucky supermarket to buy bread for dad for breakfast. Mom treated us to Tim Hortons (: After we got home sister and I watched Karate Kid. GOOD MOVIE (: As for now I'm watching city hunter episode 9 and gonna play pool later.

Can you really miss something that you never had? and OMG MORE MONTH UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS!!! :O

MY THAI EXPRESS ♥

Flowers we saw on the way back

Don't mind my hideous photography skills. It's actually real nice heheheh (:

awkward

What an awkward yet pretty good day. The weather was pretty nice too haha

What a good day spent with grandma. Sister and I accompanied her to Chinatown and watch some Chinese performances. It was interesting.... GRANDMA brought us a Chinese lantern. It's so pretty hahah! I shall take a picture of it. And so my sister's retainers broke again lol for the third time this summer... HAHAH!!... wows... kay... yea... they probably fixed it bad JUST SAYING! Anyway I wanted Thai express really bad so sister and I walked to Portage place to get some. It was great. ( free hook ups) Although I wanted fried rice but dad got us noodles instead.. OH WELLS (:  After that went to auntie's for dinner. I just got home like 20 minutes ago haha! I was going to buy myself a domo today but OMG ITS FRICKEN 30 BUCKS ):

I'm almost done reading my book! [it's overdue tomorrow]

The awkward part of today was one of my grandma's friends misunderstood my sister's statement and thought she said that she's gonna leave grandma behind. The second part was when we were at auntie's my dad's brother's wife asked us what we brought for grandma.... yea... no comment. byes

Kawaii Crepe :) [yesterday]

MY GREEN APPLE BUBBLE TEA 

OUR POUTINE :) 

I don't know who to believe any more

I don't know I mean I never thought of him that way but after what she said.. I just don't know who to believe any more. I choose to remain neutral and not take any sides for many reasons. I don't know the story and it is only told by one side. I wasn't there so I don't want to comment on it. I don't know I mean... dang.. there are things that I rather not know. I rather just keep things simple. But now I don't know..

My day was pretty ohkay! *sigh I hate shopping with no money. It just makes me depressed... :/ ajkfhkajgnj! yea... Sister brought me a drink at Starbucks and I brought her a poutine. WE ARE FATTYS! *sigh w/e I shall jog tomorrow.

UGH too much in my mind. BYE GONNA PLAY POOL WITH SISTER AGAIN

I don't know

I seriously don't know. Sometimes I do things that I don't mean. It's like this feeling I get. I can't help it but just go along with it. After that I regret it. I really do. It's like I'm making things more complicated than it already is. What can I do? I'm getting mixed feelings. FML FML FML FML

I'm just so pissed and stressed lately. I get pissed off over the littlest things and then I feel bad afterwards. I really do but I just can't help it at that moment. Some things are just so easily said than done.

My day was pretty okhaay. Woke up this morning and continued reading The Notebook. I then went biking with Jessica while Aaron jogged. It was SO hot outside.... We were jogging/ biking at 2:30 pm.. SMART! Bus with Jeff to Kawaii Crepe. Some dude started talking to Jeff lol We had some interesting talks on the bus. Today I realized that I actually like sitting in silence. I still wish that he would unlike me. IDK I mean... IDK I really don't. I can't deny the fact that he makes me laugh. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I don't deserve his feelings. I'm a bad person...

This is honestly killing me. His words are killing me. Why can't he just give up? Why did he have to like me in the first place? All I do now is think about what I should do and I don't know what I should do. I want to run away and just not face or think about anything. But even if I run away now what about later? What about the future? I really shouldn't be dragging this on. If I do I'll only be hurting everyone. What should I do? What shouldn't I do? I just got back from a short walk. I walked to the nearby pond. I just sat there for the longest time staring at the pond watching the waves go by and feeling the wind. It felt good. It was quiet there and peaceful too. I don't have to worry about anything. But now I'm back. It's like the only solution to all the problems in my life is running away. I just can't find the courage to face anything. I rather avoid but exactly how long can I avoid for? It's all going to come back to me. What to do? Maybe it's not even my stomach that's hurting, maybe it's my heart...

I need time. A lot of time. I need all the time in the world atm. Maybe I'm just over thinking this and my lack of sleep. I've been sleeping 5-6 hours the past week and a half. Waking up early to do things. But the past two days I only woke up because I just can't fall back asleep.

Back from a nice morning jog with my sister

I think we only actually jogged for like 6 minutes or maybe even less HAHA one day I will jog to McDonald's without stopping. I will. I still have so much to do this summer! Like read two books and learn Kiss the Rain.


I keep telling him not to wait for me. I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way. I honestly don't know. I don't want him to wait for me. I want him to find someone better. But he keeps telling me that I'm worth the wait. I don't think I am. I'm seriously not worth the wait. If only he would understand that. Sometimes it's just so hard convincing him. He shouldn't wait though if anything. Why can't he understand that? -_-" He should find someone that makes him happy. I wish I can give him a direct answer like yes or no but I'm so unsure about this. I feel so bad that I keep doubting everything he says. Maybe this seems too real to be true and that it's happening to me. Maybe the only person that I'm doubting is myself. I keep second guessing everything and having second thoughts. I highly doubt that he even likes me that much. I don't see what he sees in me. He keeps telling me that I'm amazing but there's really nothing amazing about me. All of do basically is sit in front of my computer and watch City Hunter ( LEE MIN HO <3)  But why am I so affected by everything he said to me the past two days. I don't know. Maybe some things are better left unknown. But I'm seriously not worth the wait and I'm not going to give up convincing him. I want him to know that there ARE better things outside this world. Outside of Winnipeg. He just needs to see it. 

My day


I only got like 5 hours of sleep but I am wide awake. Maybe not wide awake but I am awake. But how come my mind is still not working? My day was ohkay overall.. Went to the movies with siblings and we watched The Smurfs. FREE FOOD. ERRR My stomach is not feeling too well. :/ The movie was pretty funny HAHAH IT WAS IN 3D too! Went to the library with sister in the morning. THe heat at that time-_-" 


I was watching city hunter. OMG LEE MIN HO <3 HE'S SO HOT> K I might say this in like every entry from now on... LOVE THIS DRAMA!!!!!!!! LEE MIN HO!!!! MY LOVE yupp.... err I should read. I'm still on my first book FAILS! 


Gonna take a deep breath and do what feels right. 

it's not the start of the journey, but where it takes you that counts

That's what he said.

What he said to me last night or early in the morning rather I don't think I will ever forget it. It was so deep that it's affecting me so much. Like I can't even put it into words. I actually tear up at what he said. I don't think I'm worth it at all. Why is he so nice.... I'm not worth the wait. A part of my wants to try this but a part of me is pulling me back. I don't know what's pulling me back. Maybe it's because I'm really unsure about my feelings towards him. I really don't want to hurt him. If anything I rather be the one getting hurt. He deserves someone that brings him happiness. I want to be 120% sure this time. I don't want to make rash decisions like last time. I only ended up hurting myself at the end only to gain nothing except another contact on msn that I don't even talk to any more. But then again love asks no return right? I'm going to think this through and be totally sure about it. He's serious. That's what I'm scared of. What if I can't do it? I don't want to start if I'm not sure. And I'm not sure. Nothing is really going through my mind at this moment. I just feel really bad because he's done so much for me. When I really needed someone to talk to and rant to he was always there. And I've done nothing for him. I feel like a jerk. I owe him so much I don't think I can ever repay back. I don't know what to do. If anything I really want him to be happy. I hope he finds someone that he's happy with. He's such a great guy. I wish I knew exactly what I want in life. My life would become so much easier. Whatever happens I just hope it doesn't affect our friendship. UGGH! OMMGG asjahigjka;gka'gka #confused

GOOD DAY AT THE BEACH :)

What a good day at the beach. It was so relaxing. I stayed in the water most of the time. The water wasn't even clean.. JUST SAYIN but it felt so cool. I was just there looking at the clouds go by. It was great. I played volleyball with my bro and dad. Sister and I were digging holes in the water so people would step in them but we ended up stepping it ourself. FAIL! It was fun no joke :) Although I'm not a beach person. Like I rather go shopping in a mall than stay outside but today was fun :) FORREALS :) We went to lockport after too ! I wanna go fishing next time xD The only down side to today was my mom getting sick on the way back due to the heat. Other than that it was fun =D Someday I would like to live in the country. It just seems so peaceful and relaxing. 


I just finished watching City Hunter episode 2! OMMG INTENSE ! LEE MIN HO <33 Also watched last episode of mysterious of love day. IT WAS A GOOD ENDING!! :) AND OMG AS IF IT'S AUGUST ALREADY *sigh.. school soon

FAMJAM DAY :)

I was so fricken pissed this morning because my dad made me wake up to go swimming. I was like UGGH! I was so fricken pissed at everyone. I got to admit I was just pissed. Like just pissed at everyone.. HAHA Don't want to get me on that side. And when we got there my mother forget her WALLET... SO we had to go all the way back home, GET her wallet and then go all the way back. But then again it wasn't too far. I had fun though well fun-ish in a way :)

That awkward moment when you walk into your house and there's already a bunch of people there.
Yea. When we arrived home they were all there already. I love family gathering :) Its so special. HAHAH!! We BBQ. UGGH it's so unhealthy!! BUT OMG SO GOOD ... :/ I don't care. I'm just going to eat since I'm going to die anyway..... jks but yea.. HAHA Went to Starbucks with JEFF HAHA =)  It was fun lols. Interesting walk we had. Went out again with sister. My sister thought my dad wasn't home so we sat outside because we had no keys but apparently he was home LMAO. GOOD thing I decided to ring the door bell again :) We watched the uninvited. It was ohkay haha I thought it would be better though! The ending was creepy though. Started watching city hunter today. LEE MIN HO <3