INSPIRATION WHERE ARE YOU?

I am like dying right now because of ENGLISH!!! I'm so sad. I never got a mark below 70% in English. WOW I GUESS THERE IS A FIRST FOR EVERYTHING -__-" FRICK!

VERY stressful day today! I'm not getting anywhere in this paragraph. I wanna like run away right now and be excused for the rest of my life. NO JOKE. The only part special about today was going to Starbucks and zellers with my sister. WE brought wonder bread.

Sigh* I'm so sad right now ):

Sigh* why I am so boring to talk to sometimes ): I really want to talk to him but I am running out of things to say. I'm so sad... WOW FRICK efffff What to do...  Think carmen think!!! My mind is not working today :/

Anyways he sent me a really cute link
http://www.whoisthecutest.com/
I was like ♥  (((: SO cute Sigh* :D

TODAY

It was a good and bad day today. Let’s start off with good.


Physics was good like always thanks to him! He always makes my day. I feel so lucky to have him with me. Even if he is not always with me at school I still feel happy just seeing him around. I really wish I can spend more time with him. I really like being with him. Being with him just feels so warm. I like that feeling. In physics today he said he was hot so I was like “why are you so hot” and I guess he kind of took it the wrong way LOL I love his random comments and jokes. It’s so lame :P What I also liked about today was chilling at Trisha’s place. It was fun! We talked, played cards, watch t.v and play mah-jong. (y) We also took pictures! LOL I love group photos. Good memories. I love hanging out with them. They never fail to surprise me.

Bad things about today:

Our English “quiz” for Frankenstein turned into a test. Although it said quiz at the front I took it as a test because like WTH there were short and long answers to it!!! I’m failing English like hard core and I’m not even joking... I bet my mark went down at least 10% because of that midterm I wrote like two weeks ago ): SO SAD AND what a great way to end the day but getting such a low mark on my chemistry quiz... I seriously hate my afternoons. And also I made something for him and I wanted to give it to him after class BUT NO he had to leave so quickly ): I was sad.

oh yea I didn't blog last night because I had to study for my "cumulative quiz" that didn't happen today but yea I shall talk about that later.

My day started off very shitty. I had a little argument with dad. I went to school and I slipped at the stairs. IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING because I also swore... OUT LOUD AT SCHOOL! That is so not me! D:

I thought that my physics teacher wasn’t going to be in the classroom today because he had to attend a conference. But yea, he was somewhat there. He was going in and out of the classroom which was quite distracting to work. WHATEVER about the work LOL Orville (he) made my entire day. ♥Too bad I was tired. We talked and I slept a bit. We didn’t do much but just being beside him makes me feel really really happy. He has such pretty eyes. What really made my day was that after physics class (when teacher wasn't there) he gave me two hugs. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I was like ♥ (:

& gym class was torture! It’s probably because I didn’t exercise for such a long time! Evan was on my team for flicker ball? (I know, it’s a weird game name)

MUST WATCH DRAMA LIST OF APRIL

• Love Buffet
• Momo Love
• Sunny Happiness
• My Princess
• Secret Garden
• Dream High
• You're Beautiful
• Gloomy Salad Days
• Summer's Desire
• Sunshine Angel

I'm really busy this summer :P

LI Yifeng 李易峰 - 我曾爱过的女孩

cool song. it has a catchy chorus (y)

I have a very short attention span.

Which is bad.

I can't concentrate right now!! This physics question is pissing me off!! NO JOKE! I'm like dying in physics right now. I am lost once again. I need to find my way back. At least I'm not doing too badly in chemistry.

Pretty interesting day today. I FINALY KNOW WHO SHE IS! YES! After all that hard work! Physics is always interesting like usual. Thanks to him. (: KAYYY! I still can't believe that I gave him my go card! MY PICTURE IS LIKE EWWWWWWWW! Even I can't look at it!!!! EWWWWWWWW :/ I left him a sticky note on his locker but what happened to it???? DD:  -___-"

Our English presentation wasn't too bad. LOL I actually think we did okay ((: YAY happy face. I'm just glad to have it over with.

Boring day today LOL

In physics class we watched a video which about electricity stuff which I thought was pretty dope! LOL! Feels the same in physics between him and I. I actually do feel better. I’m not bothered anymore. But there is still one thing but after tomorrow this knot is going to be untied completely.

In gym class we finish watching Remember the Titans. OMG the ending was so SAD! Thinking back to it I remember at the very beginning of the movie they were at a cemetery! OMMG!! It was foreshadowing something. I really enjoyed the movie. We can learn lots from it and it’s quite meaningful in a way. I just dislike the assignment we have to do for it! Homework for gym is weird in general. In chem class today we did examples. I was like so hungry in that class because me and Mayanne skipped our lunch hour to finish up our English project. We felt bad because our friends were helping us and they missed their lunch hour too! D: I love my friends!

My day yesterday and today:


I didn't blog last night because well, I wasn't really in the mood to do so after what happened. But the morning was pretty great yesterday. We did our story presentations and I actually did OK to my surprise. I plan to make a recording of it maybe. My past presentations were fails. Well to me it was. I had a lot to say but when I'm up there in front of a lot of people I tend to blank out :/ That's why it always ends up not going too well. I hope my presentation on Tuesday for English goes well. I kinda want to skip physics on tomorrow :/ Today, right now, I'm doing my physics homework. Doing my physics homework makes me depressed because I keep thinking back to the test we did last week. NOW THAT WAS A FAIL! NO JOKE D:


So last night, I asked him how he thinks about me and this is what he said
"theres time when you think life is beautiful and then theres times when you hate living i think... you have a weak mentality you let things get to you easily. i think you have the potential to be really smart but you get lazy sometimes you can get really mad at people but you also forgive alot."


And I cannot disagree with him because it's true......

So I told him directly last night. And I kind of got rejected. Kay well he said he’s not ready or something. But I’m glad in a way that I did it. I’d rather regret telling him than not telling him at all. If I never told him I would never know what the answer may be. Although he didn’t exactly give me the answer I wanted but I expected it in a way so I wasn’t surprised. I don’t know what gave me the courage to say it last night. I guess there is a first time for everything.

I’m starting to think that everything he said to me before was fake.

Last night he finished his story about him and Michelle. They broke up. He brought her flowers during the last week of school before Christmas break. She was really happy. Even though they ended but he still liked her for the following 10 months. Wow this hurts. Now that I think back to it everything he said to me links to her in a way. Like when he asked me to buy him flowers. I’m so stupid. I really am. No matter how much effort I put into it, it will never replace the spot he has for her inside his heart.

Although the knot inside me is gone but I had to cut it in order to pull it apart. It hurts. It hurts so much. Everything up until this point was just a dream. But how can I just move on like that? I want to avoid him for the rest of the semester and just let everything between us die away. I want everything back to how it was at the very beginning of this semester. Every time I saw him reminds me of all the tender moments we had. It makes me smile but at the same time it hurts. I think it’s really time to wake up from this dream. I woke up crying this morning which was kind of dumb. But after I cry I tend to feel better. Maybe that's why I always cry. It did hurt last night. I can’t say that I’m okay because I’m not but I know I will be. I just need sometime. A lot of time actually.

wow. having friends that don't even trust you really really hurts.

Well yeah, I don't want to bring up the entire story again because it really pisses me off. WE believed her and she doesn't believe us. No trust. She thinks that we are doing this because of what she did to me. She kept saying me and Andrew. Yes it bothers me because I don't like him. But what hurts me the most is that she thinks we are doing this to get back at her. Like seriously? WOW Why does life have to be like this? Why can't we all just get along. I hate this.

I'm in such a bad mood right now. So pissed. Thanks for ruining my day. I don't appreciate it.

What a relaxing and good day!! I wish every day of my life can be like this. But minus the chemistry quiz that we did today. I think I failed. I know I should have studied.

Spare this morning was fun with Mayanne and Daniel! Daniel is such a good friend!! He was helping us with our English project. We didn’t want to get our hands dirty so he did the pastel part for us!! We owe him so much LOL! He’s cool. In English class we started watching Macbeth the movie. It was somewhat interesting. No offense, but Macbeth was way much older than I thought he would be. I also got my chemistry test today and to my surprise, I didn’t fail. In fact I almost got 80%. AS IF! I seriously thought I failed. Sometimes my test marks really surprises me. My mark went up in chemistry ((: YAY claps*

SO much for confessing today -_- Failed to the extreme. He reminded me that I had something to tell him. I was like “ OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG” I would have told him today if there was time. The sub we had for physics today, he seriously loves to talk. He talked for the entire class. He went on and on and on and on and on. I talked to him the entire class. I love being so close to him. It feels so warm and safe, like everything in this world is okay. I love his smile and his laugh. I love his jokes. He’s such a cool guy. I just wish that I can spend more time with him. I really have something to tell him. But I want to find a good time just like he wants to find the right timing. Every time he holds my hands and sends me sweet messages, it really melts my heart. I smile so stupidly at the computer screen. I feel so loved and happy. Good day. (:

So we’re in the month of April already and it’s snowing outside? Weird.

My friends just called me like four times in a row LOL at first they hung up on me!! I was like ehhhh HAHAH wow so random!

Snow in April! Got to love the weather in Winnipeg (y)

Should I confess to him? Because really, I've got nothing to lose. If you want me to only think of him as a friend, sorry I can't do it. I'd rather regret telling him then not telling him at all. I'm afraid of rejection but I'm more afraid of regret. I can't keep up with this anymore. If I tell him and the answer is not what I want, fine. I understand. I can't force someone to like me back. I honestly don't know when and how his last relationship ended, so I get it if he doesn't want to be in a relationship yet. Perhaps he still likes her. I don't know. All I know is that this is really getting to me. Even if I get rejected it can't be worse than this. At least I have an answer and can move on from there. It's like I have this knot inside my heart that can't seem to untie itself.

Physics test was horrible! I woke up at 6:30 am to study for it too and this is what I get? I guess this goes to show that effort doesn’t always pay off. -_- Gym class is so relaxing! We watched a movie today called remember the titans. It was pretty funny actually! I wish we can finish it next class. I don’t like watching just the beginning and middle parts and not finishing it. That’s not me. But yea, it’s only a movie. But I would love to see how it’s going to end.

If I have a chance tomorrow, I will tell him. Maybe telling him is the only way to untie the knot. I’m also afraid to tell him that I like him because I might lose everything I have with him right now. It might even ruin our friendship. But to be honest I like him way more than a friend. Let’s see how tomorrow goes.

FOCUS FOCUS &&& FOCUS

ALL I want to do right now is focus on my physics test and my physics studying! But I don't know why but I find studying for this subject is really hard. It's sort of like math. Kay what am I saying? Physics is math in general but with more terminology. What am I doing here? I should go study, achieve my careers, live life and move on. Time always goes forward and not backwards and so is life. I will not look back. I will only remember the happy memories and not the sad ones. I will not be held back by my past or some "curse". It was stupid of me to think that. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe perhaps we are not meant to be. I can feel that but I just won't admit it. I hate losing to fate because fate is not directly in your control. Can we really control our fate and destiny? Or is everything all planned out already and we just live it? Can we really wish someone that we like happiness when in turn you want that happiness to be with you? Can you really love someone without asking for anything return? I don't think I can do it.

sunny outside

I’m feeling so bothered right now. I know it’s stupid but I just can’t help it. I feel terrible right now. I feel like crying. I feel sadness. I swear, it seems like my life is cursed or something. When I’m happy something will always happen and destroy it. It hurts so much. I can’t even describe that feeling. All I know is that it feels bad. I don’t even want to talk about it.

So I have a physics test tomorrow. Once again I feel so unready. I don’t think I’m going to get lucky this time. Luck is never defined with me.

So do you rid of this feeling? UGGGGGGGH!!!!!! Feeling so stressed and I DON’T know what to do!! CAN I PLEASE BE EXCUSED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE??? I don’t want to face any of this anymore!!!!! OMMMG Am I that obvious? Janelle can tell that I was bothered. Man, guess I’m not all that good at hiding my feelings. I think I need to practice at that. But sometimes, it’s just so hard having to put on a fake smile so people that care about you aren’t worried about you. You have to force yourself to smile when all you want to do is go into your bed, cry and then sleep. I swear this is honestly the last time that I’m ever going to feel bothered because of him. I give up. Effort doesn’t always pay off. I like him but I can’t force him to like me. If it was meant to be then it’s meant to be. What I do anyways? Go tell him how I feel? Like he even cares. He’s nice. But I honestly cannot go on with this anymore. Only 3 more months of school left. I can go through with this. I can! Sometimes forgetting is the only way to move on.

TYpical Tuesday.

Physics was pretty boring today! All we did was watch a video and take notes about it. LAME! At least he was there with me (: Had gym class today and we watched some video. I sometimes find gym very interesting. To be honest, lol I'd rather have a spare! He had to do his chemistry test today. I hope he did well on it. I actually like this chemistry unit LOL And in English class today, me and mayanne finally got somewhere in our project. YAY so proud lol!

I'm also really proud today because I finished all my chemistry homework and physics!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY

I'm talking to my friend mark and it seems like he is having trouble. I really hope things will work out for him and that he can fix his friendship with Aaron.

I don't like it when my Friends don't trust me. That's all I have to say.

My day was alright. I'm glad that he's well and back in school today (: I'm not alone in physics anymore!!! LOOOL sometimes it gets so loney ): but anyhow, I'm just glad that he's well. Chemistry was pretty interesting today. I actually like what we're doing right now in chemistry!!! We're doing stoichiometry. I actually like converting moles and atoms and molecules!!! ITS SO FUN. I mean like, when you finally get how to do something. That feeling is unbeatable! Its so satisfying. (:

It was so nice out today! I really loved the weather!! I wanted to walk home after school LOL!

Stayed up last night talking to friends & him

I love it when my friends tell me about their life stories. I feel really special that they trust me enough to tell me all that. I really like it when my friends and I have deep conversations. I get inspired by them. Last night I had a very good conversation with them. My friend Jeff told me about his past and school and all the things that he has been through. I can trust him easily for some reason. He seems like a brother to me. I’ve always wanted a brother. But in reality I’m older than him but that doesn’t matter.

Because of some deep conversations last night, I’ve decided to go into nursing after graduation. I originally wanted to become an oncologist and I still do. I didn’t give up on that but to me that dream seems somewhat impossible. It is possible but it just seems so far and distance from me. So I think I will go into nursing. If I can’t become an oncologist, the closest that I can get is to become a nurse in that field. And to me, if I actually can get that far I will be satisfied even if I’m not an oncologist. To be honest, I don’t have the confident to directly treating people. I can’t even treat myself well but it’s something that I want to do. Is either that I don’t start or start and finish it until the end no matter how hard and difficult it may be. It’s just not like me to start something and not finish through with it. For example, my swimming lessons, I’m already so far into it so why don’t I finish it. I spent so much time into it. I really dislike it but not finishing it makes me feel uneasy because of all the effort and time that I put into it from before. But I don’t want to think about that just yet. Right now, I want to focus and make my dreams come true.

great minds think alike ;D

my sister's birthday cake
I wanted to buy the exact same one on my birthday but I didn't because of mom wanted a different one so yea!
GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!!