HEY HEY HEY

Today is almost coming to an end. Tomorrow is a different day. I wonder how its going to be like. HMMM

Overall it was a decent day today. What I really liked about today was lunch with friends. They never fail to make to smile sometimes. Brought TCBY for an after lunch snack. I have like no idea what I’m doing physics. I do not know what I'm going to know. DANG! :/

*listening to 2am – you won’t answer my calls.

Anyway, chemistry was somewhat depressing. On the test, I made one calculation error and the rest got wrong. I’m sad and mad at myself. I handed in my test early too! EFF MY LIFE! After school went to Starbucks with fam. (:

*listening to Infinite- Can U smile :P

I AM A FOOL. There’s a difference in actually liking someone and being interested in them. I thought that I like him but umm to be honest I don’t even know anymore. It feels like that I am waiting for something that is never going to happen. Like seriously never. It is not something that I want to think about often but somehow it just gets into my mind. *sigh. I still think that he’s amazing. He’s a really good guy I must say. He’s kind and can really find a way to make you smile. I don’t know. This is somewhat strange perhaps hard to understand. Should I not wait anymore? Am I even waiting…?  I don’t even know what I’m doing. What do I really want?

what a day

I had a pretty good sleep last night. I didn’t wake up until it was 9am! YAY for spares in the morning! Physics was just boring!!! We went to the computer lab. We were supposed to read about waves online but dang, its boring. It was making me sleepy. But I can’t sleep if he’s there. He makes class so interesting. I'm not even gonna lie. We google map stuff! He wanted to walk from China to Japan! WOW LOl It takes 31 days and 15 hours. That is, if you walk nonstop. Choir was [insert feeling here] like always. I seriously think he should addition for the solo. He looks so cute when he sings. I would go for it too but 1. My voice is still kinda screwed up 2. I won’t make it anyway.

So yeah, after school my mom kinda didn’t come pick us up. WHAT WAS THAT! We waited for like half an hour and my sister finally decided that we should bus. We fail at bussing. We got onto the new buses and yea. I told my sister to get off at the front of the bus but she wanted to try and get out at the back. HAHA she didn’t know how to open the door. FAIL! And the bus driver didn’t even bother helping us and made us miss our stop. We had to get off one stop later. Jacky’s sister helped us learn how to open the door. THANK YOU!

I will go finish my paragraph now. I want to go outside later.

We went to cemetery yesterday to visit grandpa. I miss him. I don’t even know him but I miss him. He died like two years before I was even born. I wish I knew him. When I was little my grandma would always talk about him and how that if he was still living he would love us a lot. If he was here I would love him a lot too. I wish he was. This is a regret but it wasn’t something that I could have prevented. I call my grandma every single night to make sure she is doing well because she is always alone. I wish grandpa was still here to be with her. So yea, that was my morning.

We drove to Starbucks later in the afternoon to buy drinks but NO they had to run out of ice. I told my mom what happened and she was like “are you serious? Safeway has ice”. HMMMM good point mom. Oh well, dad treated us to Tim Hortons. (y) Works for me. I finished my essay and was on webcam with Mandy, Jeff, Aaron and Trisha. I was also on cam later with him. Well I was, he didn’t show himself lol! I see how it is but I don’t mind though. :P 

HAHAHAH On webcam with Aaron, Jeff and Mandy right. I should be doing my essay but I will do it tomorrow!!! I will finish chemistry after this.

My day today: Chinese exam was okay. It was somewhat long. But then again, I didn't really study for it. I should have LOL I should have slept earlier too but I wanted to talk to him and I want to right now but he's BRB!!! ): he tends to be gone for over an hour. I spent my entire day mostly working on my essay. I only got my introduction done and half a paragraph. I fail!

* I hear sirens right now :O

Going to cemetery tomorrow to see grandpa.

So much for studying and starting my introduction. I'm kinda waiting for him to go online. I don't know why but I guess it just became a habit for me. I'm tired actually but I want to talk to him. I really do. Every single time he messages me I would just smile. I hope he's not mad at me. ):

I swear, I am going to fail that exam tomorrow. No joke D: But then again, it can't be that bad.. right?? My friend is planning to confess to my other friend tonight. Well maybe, that's what he said. If he does, I really hope he succeeds. (Y) I would actually like to see them together. Its cute. To study or not to study: that is the question. I somewhat studied. Why did I even go online LOL -_-"

I WANNA GO shopping!! I miss buying things. I want ice cream! and rice! But most importantly, I want to finish this essay and chemistry assignment. I will study now. *determined face

DEAR BLOG & Happy Friday 13th ;D

DEAR BLOG : What happened to you yesterday ): I was so sad because you were gone. SAD FACE

What a day today! It started off kind of awkward. I thought I saw my friend Peggy so I waved and apparently it wasn't. Last time I'm ever waving first. I'm just saying. Physics was interesting like always. We did two waves lab. I like doing labs. Well, its not like I do anything. When we do labs I have more time with him. I must say, time with him is special. I must not slack off this weekend. I have a major essay due on Monday. HAHA I wanted to ditch my friend this morning but I felt bad. Even though she is bossy, annoying and self-centred but either how she is my friend. :P We did have actual gym class today because last time we went, we didn't do anything and she is disappointed at us. :O We had to pass around paper and answer the questions on it. Some group crossed out our answer which was peer pressure and so when the paper came back to us we crossed out their answer and rewrote ours! We're cool like that! (y)

The drama yesterday at Tyndall was interesting. Although I didn’t quite understand it. It was also half empty. I remember when we did our drama production it was a full house. My sister told me that fewer and fewer people are attending Tyndall now. I think its a great school. Once a Tyndall park kid, always a Tyndall park kid!

I should go start my intro for my essay now and study for my Chinese exam tomorrow :O

Yesterday

I see how it is. So after school I was standing by myself. She was standing by herself. He comes over, messes my hair up and goes and talks to his ex. REALLY? OKAY. I see. I get it. Whatever. Its not like I care or anything. I’m just saying. Thinking back to it, a lot of things he said to me didn’t quite make sense. I will get to the end of this before this semester ends. I swear I will. He told me he got my sister’s msn off facebook but he added her on msn first and then on facebook. How does that make sense? And that friend, who is he? Too many pieces of this puzzle are missing. I can’t just leave it missing. I will find it and put it all together by all means. I will get to the end of this. As for everything else, between me and him, I think I see it now. We are impossible….. I should just forget everything. :/

Kay, so I hate coughing. I kept coughing during my physics test and it was you know, somewhat quiet. I should have taken my mom’s advice and brought water to school. We went to watch the talent show today at lunch. The dances were amazing! (y) 10+ points. The poem that that guy was reading was very touching. It really was. I really enjoyed that part. Me and Mayanne actually did work in chemistry today! So proud (: So apparently, I’m sending my cousin emails asking to borrow money. WTF

Siblings and I are about to leave and head to Tyndall Park. That place still brings back many memories. We are going to watch my cousin in their drama production this year. Brings back memories when I was in our drama production way back in grade 6! Wow, can’t believe I’m in grade 11 now and soon to be in grade 12 and then graduation! :O 

I fail

I seriously fail at studying. After I’m done typing this I WILL STUDY! I am determined. (ehhhh) I will TRY and study. I should at least look everything over. I want to past this test. But if anything, I’d rather spend time with him. My day was pretty decent. I just hate coughing and sneezing and having a runny nose. It feels so gross! We did a lab in physics today. I should actually hand my things in for physics. There is no point in doing it if I’m not going to hand it in.

Last night, I read back to some of my old blog entries. One of the last posts that I wrote was reflections for the year of 2010. At the end of that post I put “I hope that 2011 will bring me even more memories that I can remember forever”.  It kind of foreshadows. So far, 2011 has been the most special year for me. I can’t explain it in words but it is satisfying. I met him and a whole new group of friends. Because of my friends, I got to do things and go to different places. We had sharing circles and late night conversations at 1am. I met him. He makes me smile and laugh for no reasons. He has given me chances to do things I never actually thought that I would do. He made me feel special. He is someone that I don’t regret meeting. 2011 so far has been so unexpecting for me. Its just so weird sometimes. 

This chemistry assignment is taking way longer than I thought it would take. Seriously, it's so stupid. I'm just saying. 8-) My nose feels so bad right now. So much for getting better. I hate my life!! STOP DESTROYING IT!!!!!

It feels like that I'm always waiting for something that is never going to happen. Something that is not meant to be. I want to give up sometimes but I still end up waiting. I want to make some positive decent changes in my life but somehow I would still end up in the same place. It feels like I’m never moving forward no matter how hard I try. It’s like I’m running in circles and always ending up where I started. Where is the twist in my life story? Sometimes it feels like that no matter how hard I try my efforts will never be paid off. It never goes accordingly. I stopped planning things because it never works out. This is proven to be true for me because every time I plan to do something it never happens. Or something bad happens while planning it. It just never works. For once in my life, I just want something to work out. I feel like a failure sometimes. I've been working on this chemistry assignment for hours and I'm not getting anywhere. All I do is wait for nothing. Sometimes if feels like I'm wasting a human life. I sometimes wonder how my life would be if I don't live in Winnipeg or Canada. What if my parents never even moved to Canada? Would I be in China? I wonder a lot. I wonder if I can create a miracle if miracles do exist. I would like to know answers. Answers to questions that I'm scared to ask and scared to know.

I'm so heartless sometimes ):

I tend to forget things so easily. It makes me feel bad. I feel so heartless sometimes. I want you to know that I care but I don’t think I’m succeeding.

I had a spare this morning. I feel so much better now. Last night was bad for me. I didn’t even get much studying done. What a fail. The test was long. I don’t think I got 85% on it. I just lost the bet between me and Andrew. My stupid physics teacher just told us that we have a test on Thursday. I hate physics. I only like it because he’s there. I can seriously look at him for the entire day and not get bored. He’s so <3 He is so cute!! OMG (((: It feels like I owe him sometimes. I was supposed to give him a kiss today but I didn’t and he gave me one. I feel really bad. I get scared sometimes. Sometimes I can’t be myself around him because I’m scared that one day he will find out that I’m not as good as he once thought I was, like at the very beginning of this semester. I’m scared. :/

Every day is going by too fast. He’s the only reason I look forward to going to school. He’s the reason that I always go on msn. Basically he’s the only one that I want to talk to. Sometimes I don’t know what I want. I confuse myself sometimes. All I know is that I don’t want to give up. Starting now, I will try my best and make effort. I don’t want to give up just yet. Perhaps I don’t want to give up at all. I would love to see what is going to happen before this school year ends. I hope its not something that disappoints me.  

For some reason, I feel really really exhausted. I didn't even do anything! And my nose is still stuffy and I am freezing right now. I don’t want to be sick!! NOOOOOOOOOO! Don’t do this to me. I swear, I better get well tomorrow or else. I think tomorrow will be a long night. Since I am so unproductive right now means more work for me tomorrow… Sigh* I always get a lot of work. I tell myself that I will start as soon as possible but in the end I start the night before it is due. I have to fix this bad habit. I seriously have too. NO JOKE HERE!

What do people do on facebook? I spent like an hour there basically clicking back and forth on my profile and my home page. I should be doing homework. HORRAY for spares. Physics is usually the best highlight of my day. It’s just so special :D

DANG! I think I should just sleep now and get some rest but it is still kind of early. And plus I’m talking to him :D Anyways, one day I will leave and go to Australia for a year. Well at least for a year. Out of all the places in the world I don’t know why I want to go there. Life to me just seems so beautiful there and peaceful too. I know it would be impossible for me to go after high school graduation but I hope to go after university graduation. Just to be away from everything for a year and just relax and smile. That would be nice.

coming down with a cold :/

I feel so bad right now. ): My nose is feeling weird and my throat is burning. I just want to sleep. BUT NO... I have a chemistry test tomorrow on stoichiometry. -_-" I hate sneezing in class... Especially when its dead quiet.

I love his hugs. (: They make me feel so warm. Especially the one he gave me after class today. That was really something. There is something about him that makes me feel attracted to him and I don't know what it is. I sometimes tend to find guys annoying. Sometimes when I'm sitting really close to him I feel kind of nervous. I miss him right now. :/ Only a month and a half of school left. Just thinking about not seeing him for two whole months makes me sad. Will everything still be the same after summer? Sometimes when I see couples in the hallways holding hands and pictures on tumblr, I would think " I hope one day that can be us". I don't know if it will ever happen. But I do hope that one day we can be more than close friends. I admit I really like him. I don't know how I got myself into this but he is someone that I can never forget. There is something special about him. His eyes, his smile, everything! There are things that I don't see in anyone else but him. When he smiles my heart just melts. Or when he holds my hands and hugs me after class, I can feel my heart beating really fast. Sometimes just hearing his voice makes my day.

I will go eat dinner now. Come back & study for like an hour and then finish up the chemistry assignment. Sounds like a plan.
p.s : mom treated us to Starbucks today. I love you mom (:

Happy Mother's Day

Had a good day with family today!

I also finished reading my book (: But the down side to that is that I’m behind on my chemistry homework. English can just go die. The End

Me and my sister were taking pictures with our grandparents. They seem amazed that my ipod can take pictures LOL We took a few good ones. My little nephew is so cute!!!! Last time I saw him he was crawling and now he can walk. Time goes by fast.

Painfully but yes, I finally finished my English homework. My poor daddy! He injured his leg today ):

YEA my day was actually pretty boring… And I think I'm getting sick too. My throat hurts ):

we come to an intersection some point in our life but half of us are destined to take the wrong road.

Today was so boring! All I did today was read! But I’m pretty proud of that.  Less than 100 pages left! Chinese school was boring like usual. We had to unscramble sentences and put them back into a story. YAY fun…….. Visit grandparents after like always. Yup that’s my day literally.

Tomorrow should be fun. We are having a mother’s day party at our house and everyone is going to be here. WOW

Kay, so I’m like doing nothing right now ): I’m bored out of my life.

HAHAH he told me a scary story but to me it wasn’t really scary. Maybe if he told me in person it might have been scary. :P But yeah, so I spent like an hour taking pictures LOL! Just for him because he told me that he wanted one. At first it was supposed to be a picture of my window… but yea. But I did get some pretty decent ones to my surprise (:

He makes me (:

I shall sleep now. I want to wait for him but I’m scared I might get in trouble by my dad. He wants me to sleep. ALREADY! ON A SATURDAY NIGHT :O 

I just got home like an hour ago. Got back from St. Vital with Jessica, Peggy, Helen and Amy. It was really fun but seriously I hate my stomach. It won’t let me eat anything! All I ate today was a cookie. Its so sad. But overall it was really fun. ((: The bus ride gave me a headache. I WE were taking really weird pictures on the bus LOOL! Peggy is so random (y) I wanna to go again!

My day at school was cool. We burnt three wires during our physics lab. He looked kind of pissed or maybe it was just me. Orville is such a poser! But he’s so cute :P WOW he’s so unpredictable. HE’S SO COOL! I actually did okay on my chemistry quiz. I am so surprised. English is just… yea :/

Note to self: do not read on the bus. Headache will get worst. I had a pretty good day though. (:

I am finally done my English Paragraph. It took way longer than I expected it to be…The thing is my paragraph still sucks!

I didn’t wake up with a good start this morning. I woke up with my stomach in pain. And then I saw a crow :O I really hope the rest of the day goes well for me. We’re doing a lab today in physics. I gave up a long time ago in that class. I just want to be with him. As for chemistry, I bet we’re just going to do notes again to the extreme. Going to St. Vital later with friends!! YAY I am excited for that (:

I kind of want to stop pretending now.

Pretending that it doesn’t affect me but in reality it does. I had a really good conversation last night with Aaron. I can’t say I feel better after venting it out but its good to know that your friends are here for you. He did give me some good advice.

I should get ready for school now. 

sunshine makes me happpy ♥

Sunshine makes me day. It gives me a really warm feeling. Not the sunshine when its like 30 degrees outside but just like right now. Feels so warm and makes me smile for some reason. I love the weather right now. It’s beautiful. (:

My day was really tiring and long. I’m so lost in physics. I seriously hope I don’t fail the final exam! I hope he fixes his computer soon. It bothers me when he’s not in a good mood. In general, it bothers me when people I know aren’t in a good mood. I feel so helpless. It was somewhat awkward for me after school today… Spare today was awesome. We brought popcorn LOL! Chemistry was just hard-core today! All we did was notes, notes and notes. Notes to the extreme!!!

I shall start my paragraph now and maybe go out later!  Seriously don’t wanna waste the beautiful sunshine. Winnipeg has bipolar weather.

If only you knew..... If only I knew
What are you thinking?

I have a headache right now! ):

This past week for me has been so unproductive! Feels like I’m wasting all my time but I feel so lazy and tired right now too and I just wanna sleep! UGGGGH! I’m feeling kind of sick right now. FML

Simple days are happy days for me. I was really happy in physics class today because of him. Just sitting beside him and talking to him makes my day (:

I really should go read. I shall go read now. Goodnight.

Thinking back to physics class today still makes me laugh. !! HE's really something

I went back to my elementary school today and I got inspired. I miss that place. It doesn’t even seem that long ago. HAHA I remember playing four square and pacman in the gym! I also remember being a patrol. Walking through those hallways seems different now. It looks smaller. So much has changed for me since then. But every time I go back there I still smile because it was really something. The more things that I experience in my life the more that I learn from it. As I grow up, I make more mistakes but I learn from them and I will never make them again. Lately I was bothered by my own personal thoughts and feelings. The more I think the deeper I fall into the hole. If he doesn’t feel the same way back I honestly cannot do anything about it. It hurts but I learn. I’m not going to think about it anymore and put it aside from now. If thinking about it bothers me, why think about it? I’m just going to go with the flow. If it’s meant to happen then it will eventually happen. If not, than what can I do about it? Maybe I should pick up my brother more. It gets me to think and realize.

My day was pretty inspiring today. The only negative thing about today is that my sister’s boyfriend’s grandma passed away. I hope he gets well soon. Time is the medicine when a proud heart is hurt. Time always help.

What beautiful weather today! I kind of wish we had our personal private time thing today. We could have went to Tyndall together and relive our elementary childhood. One more early dismissal left. Will he ask me? Or will he not? Should I??? I want us to end in a good note because after this semester is over, everything else can end as well including all of this. I still want him as a friend. That’s probably the closest we will ever get….....

I think it’s time. I see it now. I really do this time. I think I should give up now. I realized that no matter how hard I try, it’s really no use at all. We have an early dismissal tomorrow and I was hoping he would ask me to redo our personal private time but he didn’t. I stopped wishing at 11:11. It’s pointless. Back then, I thought that if I tried hard enough he would eventually see it but I don’t think he ever will. What can I do now at his point? Nothing. I don’t know what else I can do. At least I have no regrets this time. As I go through high school I learn. I learn from my previous mistakes and know not to make them again. Only this time, it hurts twice as much because I actually tried. I honestly just want to think of him as a friend, but I can’t. I never intended to like him. I don’t even know how all of this even started. Whatever happens in the future, I’m still really glad that all of this happened. I just never thought that all of this would happen to a girl like me. I feel special. But I know somehow and someday all this is going to end. Perhaps it ended a long time ago but I only see it now. I’m always late.